Fianna Fail admit defeat?
Grandad June 5th, 2009
Somehow I think the ‘See the Failure’ add-on for Firefox robs Fianna Fáil’s Twitterings of some of their gravitas?
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Archive for June, 2009
And the dead arose and appeared to many
Grandad June 5th, 2009
I hate election days.
The only good thing about them is that we will hopefully see the last of those fucking election posters. I am pissed off from endlessly seeing the same faces every time I go out. Is it a prerequisite that you have to be an ugly fucker before you can stand for election? That certainly seems to be the case in my area.
Of course I voted. Several times.
Then I had to move to a different polling station because they were getting suspicious. They must have been using Twitter or something because that place got suspicious too. That is a terrible shame as I still have dozens of polling cards left over.
I take my civic responsibilities very seriously and believe in casting my vote. I know the dead of my parish [and several other parishes] hold the same views and that is why I vote on their behalf.
Just because you are dead, doesn’t mean you don’t still have rights?
I just nipped home for a quick mug of tea and a piss, and I’m off again shortly. I have a busy afternoon ahead of me.
Myself and the lads are going to do the rounds of the stations again. This time we will be having a little distraction from our normal sport.
- Fianna Fáil Candidate – 200 points.
- Green Candidate – 300 points [rarity value].
- Pro government voter – 40 points.
- Any child wearing a FF or Green sticker – 60 points [smaller target].
- Pro-government Independent Candidate – 250 points.
I’m hoping for the County Trophy, so it is going to be a long day.
Wish me luck.
And does anybody want a couple of dozen polling cards?
Smoking a banana – the solution
Grandad June 4th, 2009
This e-pipe lark is turning out to be more fun than I expected.
Part of the pipe is the cartridge. It’s a little open ended tube that contains foam which is soaked in a liquid. A heating element then heats the foam and vapourises the liquid.
Unlike my other pipes, I can’t just nip down to the shop and buy myself a pack of baccy, which is one of the new yoke’s drawbacks. If I run out of smoke, I have to replace the cartridge, and you can only buy them on the Interweb. I have an order in for a crate, and am waiting on delivery any day.
However, it occurred to me that it would be simpler if I could just replace the liquid, instead of replacing the whole cartridge, so I did a search on the Interweb to see if anyone is as intelligent as me, and surprisingly I found that some other genius has come up with the same idea. You can buy bottles of the liquid which makes life cheaper and simpler.
This is where my problems started though.
You see, they don’t just sell the liquid. They sell the liquid in different flavours.
If I want to, I can smoke banana. Or lilac? Would you fancy a puff of grapefruit? I’m not joking. There is chocolate or coffee. A smoke of some Red Bull to start the day? How about some melon?
Now, all I want is tobacco. Ordinary plain pipe tobacco. There are flavours called ‘French pipe’ and ‘Virginia’ so that may be my solution [pun intended]?
I mentioned the nice people in E-Cigarette Direct before, and once again they are coming up trumps. They are going to order some samples for me to try out.
Further on down the line, I may try some experiments of my own.
Why not kill two birds with one stone?
A pipefull of Guinness?
Hmmmmmm.
Tortoise on steroids
Grandad June 3rd, 2009
I think I may have been a little slow of late.
Initially, I blamed the cold damp weather, but since we have been having a few days where the sun actually shone but things didn’t improve, I had to do a rethink.
I put it down to old age with a dash of arthritis and maybe a drizzle of senility, but I’m told this may not be the case.
Someone suggested that it might not be so much old age as a faulty plugin. They also suggested that I might like to have a look at my database.
So I unscrewed the back off my site and had a root around.
I drained the oil, checked the piston rings and had a good long look at my big end.
My database was looking a bit clunky. There were also a few bits lying around that looked like they were a bit surplus to requirements.
So I rolled my sleeves up, put on my hard hat and safety goggles and attacked with my trusty delete key.
I think I may have been a little over enthusiastic, because I ended up with bits of web site lying all over the place.
There was a puddle of data underneath the couch, and a pile of HTML had collected in one corner of the room. Sandy was quietly chewing on a graphic in the middle of the floor and I had a tin full of variables that came from somewhere, but I’m not sure where.
I have spent the last hour trying to reassemble the damned thing. Of course I have lost the box that it came in originally, so the whole thing was a bit hit and miss.
The site looks like it used to, and I think it may be a bit faster. Only you can tell me that.
I still have a problem though.
I have two variables left over, and I’m fucked if I know where they came from.
Big Brother is watching you
Grandad June 2nd, 2009
Apparently the CIA are of some use after all.
As my regular readers will know, I developed quite a cosy relationship with them back in the good old days of Dubya. They are eternally grateful to me for being a major contributor in his demise, and have been in touch with me ever since they removed the blacked out “Washington Power & Light” van from outside my house.
They wrote to me this morning and told me about their latest experiment.
Apparently they have been monitoring people’s use of the Interweb by means of the little web cam thingies that are built into laptops, and which can also be bought by people with more money than sense. They now have the power to watch you watching me [or anyone else].
As a personal favour to me, they sent me some figures about the people who read my site. The only way they can obtain these particular figures is by peeking into people’s homes, so it’s quite interesting.
The first thing they told me is the age range of my readers.
It’s quite a relief to know that no one under 24 reads my site. I hate these hoodies hanging around cluttering up the place. I see Herself has a little peak of her own at the bottom too! [She isn’t really that old, but they can be forgiven for making that mistake]
Then they told me the gender.
So women don’t like my site, huh? Too fucking bad. That’s the last time I will publish a recipe.
I think the next one may be a bit inaccurate.
From what I can gather, most of my readers keep their children locked in the cellar or the attic, so the CIA wouldn’t be able to see them in the background anyway.
The next one came as no surprise at all.
It is a very sad fact of life that my little old site is blocked from entering most offices. I don’t know why. I think it is an educational informative site, and I would have thought any boss would be only too delighted to allow their staff broaden their minds a bit.
I was really delighted at the last one.
It is nice to know that my erudite writings are appreciated by the literati. There again, the CIA tells me that they can only guess at a persons education from their accent, their spelling and grammatical skills and how many certificates they have on their walls, but who am I to argue?
So it appears that my typical reader is a fifty year old well educated male who has no children and browses from home.
Howya Kirk M!
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