Get a grip
Grandad July 28th, 2009
Will you lot stop complaining.
I slave over this keyboard day after day without so much as a penny for my efforts, and all you lot do is whinge.
OK, so the site is slow. So am I. We are both old and it comes with the territory.
Now if you lot had to cough up to read this, then you might have an argument, but you don’t, so stop annoying me.
What you don’t seem to realise is that I have a lot on at the moment. I have important things to do, not trivial things like keeping you lot amused.
Right.
Fuck it.
I don’t know why I’m going to do this, but I’m going to see if I can make the site any faster.
I have set up a new copy of this yoke and am going to run some experiments.
I have a funny feeling that it may be my theme.
If it is the theme, then I have to start from scratch and redesign a new one.
Do you really want that? Do you really want me to waste precious hours of the little time I have left playing around with pictures and colours and things just so you can save a few precious minutes of your precious lives?
Of course, if I am going to play around with the site, then I am going to have to remove it from time to time. There is only so much I can do with the test one.
So instead of having a slow site, you are going to get a no site.
Is that what you really want?
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If it speeds it up and makes it easier to use, then go for it!
I don’t have any problems with it though…
I don’t think it’s the theme. More likely a myriad of plugins that you use. I’m just going to check something from here and I’ll e-mail you in a minute with my findings!
What’s wrong with the speed? Are we reading it too slowly?
Are you going to put up an Interweb equivalent of the Test Card?
(My friend who had no idea calls it the Interweb as well – odd that, she is not at all techie)
It is slow. You once wrote that it was because of all your “spyware”; for want of a better word.
Now isn’t that just typical?
First of all, you queue up to have a go at me about the site being slow.
Then, when I decide to do something about it, yiz all queue up to tell me there is nothing wrong with it.
And you wonder why this site has an 18 rating??????
I’m with robert. I think it’s all the cutesy gadgets you have hanging off the basic wordpress thing.
KISS! = Keep It Simple Simon!
it’s only slow for me when I head in to comment, and even then, it’s not that bad. I chalk it up to the tin can and fishing line being underwater most of the way there
Be fair..it is slow but always worth the wait. I’ve been blaming it on the piece of shit they call the internet in this country.
The mouse and laptop are conspiring to slow down the site. They want to get even for all the things you said about them.
Also why are the dog and Guinea pig sitting in the corner whispering to each other and occasionally looking over at you.
Oh my word…. I whinge… only once and you have gone into threatening mode!!!
Honestly – I know it started when you changed the theme but I don’t know what else you did at the time. It is slow to load and sometimes it times out before it saves my comment so I have to do it again.
Maybe it needs a holiday… a bit like you…
Grandad,
Don’t go changing, to try and please me
You never let me down before
Don’t imagine you’re too familiar
And I don’t see you anymore
I wouldn’t leave you in times of trouble
We never could have come this far
I took the good times, I’ll take the bad times
I’ll take you just the way you are
Slow?? Don’t y’all know that speed is a state of mind. It doesnt exist as a state of physics, its all in the head.
Remember the good ole days of dial-up – you login, go put the kettle on, come back and type in url, go make the coffee, come back and hey presto there’s your site! Ah, it was a different time.
Love the verse Becky
Ah don’t speed it up, it’s part of my daily routine: Click on GD, (screen goes blank), peel the spuds, mash the tea, sit down with a cuppa – and up you pop!
.-= >> Geri Atric´s latest brainfart .. TAKEN SHORT! =-.
Yeeesss, it has speeded up. Now , that wasn’t difficult was it? I just needed to get my HR fix for the day. Have you seen the hens, they seem to have taken offense?
Brianf – Just as well you used “Simon” there, or you would have been banned for life!
Stepford Mom – I have no problem at all with blaming it on connection speeds. So there you have it – it’s their fault.
King’d Bard – Thank you, Your Highness. Of course it’s worth the wait. It’s a pity the lesser mortals can’t see it that way.
Kate – Go on outa that. You love whinging at me. So you reckon it may be the theme too?? I have serious suspicions there. I’m thinking of a redesign anyway.
Becky – Aw damnit!!! Now I have that song going around in my head. As if I didn’t have enough to contend with.
Charmed – do you think I should just re brand this site as a testement to the Good Old Days?? Maybe I should slow it even further to remind people what a 28K modem was like?
Geri – Aw fuck!!! First I have people whinging that it’s too slow, and those who say it is grand and fast. Now you come along and say you like it slow? *sigh*
Brighid – I knew it! Yiz are all having me on. You claim it’s faster? Well – I haven’t done anything to it. So there!
I read it in a reader and only pop over to Ireland to comment, so I don’t really give a fig what you do.
That’s right.. a FIG.
..whoa.. took a long time for that comment to load. You should fix that.
It is dog slow, I was actually gonna complain about it before but it took too fucking long for the comment box to load.
I’ve been posting this comment since 11am, and you don’t hear me complaining.
Well actually I thought the book might have been a little bit fast alright, but not the website.
The website’s grand.
Coffee sellers make a fortune in West Cork!
Dial-up at 28k when the electric fences are on – can you believe it! That was Eircoms explanation till we switched to super-dooper 1Mb broadband line of sight stuff – go Ireland!
Reckon if we were still on the old twisted-pair our illustrious host here would have been kicking up daisies before you knew there was any ‘latest news!’
Gotta say it does’nt seem slow now though, I reckon you’re just bored and want to twiddle!
ah, old habits….
I mentioned the “new ” slowness about two months ago and was told to unkindly feck off, which I did, but now I’m back with a host of supporters and a few silly people who see nothing amiss. It never pays to be a tall poppy.
Theme? How could it be the theme? It’s the same one you had when it was fast–with the small exception of a different header image.
28K? “You in the butter zone now baby!” (25 bucks says you can’t name that movie)
Yup, comments are slow to post but that was even before the fancy comment box and the other stuff. I just hit “submit’ and head over to Facebook to talk about you there instead. I check back from time to time though. No problem on my end.
No, it ain’t Woopra.
But you got Becky singing Billy Joel to you, did you expect that? (Yeah, thanks a lot Becky, I do like the sax solo though)
Okay, so this site’s been around awhile. Probably means a clogged up “wp-options” table. There’s a couple of plugins that will let you weed through the muck and bother and get rid of the old and moldy that past plugins left lyin’ around, rotten bastards.
That’s my worthless 2.546 cents worth anyway. Have a good night.
.-= >> Kirk M´s latest brainfart .. Wallpaper Psychology =-.
RhodesTer – A fig? Can’t you do better than that? You wouldn’t fit in here with language like that.
Xbox – Don’t talk to me about being slow. How long did it take you??
Chris P – So you reckon the book was fast? Obviously you didn’t read it properly. Or else you got a dud second hand version?
Mick – I love it!! Only in Ireland could your broadband be affected by cattle fences. It explains one of those pathetic reasons I hang around this neck of the world.
Well its not slow on my machine. Not at all. That’s because (probably) my system shits over everyone else’s ha haaaa!!
Don’t worry Grandad – you are just ahead of your time – the others need to catch up.
Kirk M – You slipped in while I was writing my last bit. I have been doing a trawl around. I have discounted most of the plugins simply because they are benign lumps of code. A couple bear further investigation, but not Woopra. That one seems to be in the clear.
I have decided to strip the entire site down, and rebuild from scratch, maybe even with a new theme. Now that I shall have a little more time on my hands………?
Oh, and incidentally – “Hackers”. Send the money to the usual place.
Hi Sighs! Another who slipped in while I was looking elsewhere. Do you actually have a PC in your cage? Do you run Windows GP? If I put my laptop inside Minnie’s cage woud it run faster? So many questions………
“Oh, and incidentally – “Hackers”. Send the money to the usual place.”
Shit.
Plugins. Too many DB requests and requests to other servers.
“The price of reliability is the pursuit of the utmost simplicity. It is a price which the very rich find most hard to pay” – Tony Hoare, Turing Award Lecture (1980)
I take it you’re rich then.
Yeah wouldn’t you people like to know.
‘Don’t fix it if it’s not broken’…best bit of advice my father ever gave me….and ‘ if you can’t be careful buy a pram’, but that’s for another day…
All the shit that’s shoveled out on here,no wonder you’re becoming sluggish.You better keep those plugins to deodorize the place.