Archive for August 6th, 2009

Neighbourhood watch

August 6th, 2009

Dear Neighbour,

I am very happy for you that you have a burglar alarm.

Like any shiny toy, you want to play with it.  Like all those people with tiny penises who have great big Range Rovers and Hummers, I can understand that you want to let everyone know that you are quite capable of compensating for your inadequacies.

Or maybe you want to let us all know that you have gone on holidays and that your house is unoccupied for the foreseeable future?

Either way, there are some of us who aren’t particularly impressed.

Especially when you play with your fucking alarm for three fucking days.

I have had a belly full of your pathetic warblings.

I have already put the word out in the local Skobie Town that your house is quite obviously unoccupied.

I have told them that they needn’t worry about the alarm as no one is taking the blindest bit of notice anyway, apart from throwing the odd rotten egg at your windows.

Incidentally, you needn’t worry about the mess those eggs are making.

I doubt there will be much left of your windows when your house burns to the ground tonight.

Yours affectionately,

Grandad