A scene anywhere in Ireland
Grandad October 7th, 2009
Scene: The Boss’s office.
The Boss is sitting behind his desk looking unhappy.
Enter Me [stage left].
Me: Waddya want, Boss?
Boss: I hope you don’t mind me bringing this matter up, but we think you may have been helping yourself to cash from the till.
Me: So?
Boss: Well… That’s not really allowed, you know.
Me: It’s allowed all right. I think you’ll find it in my terms of employment somewhere. It’s called ‘perks of the job’.
Boss: Look. I am terribly sorry, but we may just have to give you a little slap on the wrist. Just for appearances sake, you understand?
Me: Hold on now! You can’t do things like that. It’s just not on.
Boss: All right then. We’ll leave it at that.
Me: Thanks. By the way, I have been screwing your daughter as well.
Boss: Oh! Then maybe you should resign?
Me: I’ll think about it.
Boss: Please? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?
Me: Oh, all right then. I’ll resign next year.
Boss: That’s very decent of you.
Me: I keep the company car, by the way. And I want my pension doubled. And I get to screw your daughter whenever I feel like it. Maybe your wife as well?
Boss: And will you resign then?
Me: If I get a couple of million in my bank account first.
Boss: OK. Thanks. It’s very good of you to do the decent thing.
Me: You’re welcome.
Exit Me, stage right with a fucking great grin on my face.
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