Dear Retailers
Grandad October 19th, 2009
Dear Retailers,
Yes, I am aware that Christmas is on the distant horizon, but I would like to point out that it is but one day, and hardly warrants nine weeks of advertising.
It is just one day. That’s all. Twenty four hours. There is absolutely no need to get your knickers in a twist over it.
There is one thing I like about Christmas, and that is that it nearly coincides with the Winter Solstice [no accident, I may add]. Come that day, and the evenings start getting lighter. It’s a small milestone in the year, so please get things into proportion. It is not the only day in the year when people spend money. It is not the only time I buy anything.
To those of you who are advertising sitting room suites and promising delivery in time for Christmas, I would like to point out that if I buy furniture, I expect delivery within days, not months. If you have to brag that you will have delivery in time for Christmas, then you obviously have delivery problems and your company should be avoided like the plague.
To those of you who advertise your rubbish as being necessary for the “perfect day” – fuck off. I cannot imagine any day being ruined because I don’t have an air freshener or the latest CD by some fifth rate performer, so just please drop that expression. The mere mention of “the perfect day” irritates me, and I promise that any company who uses it within earshot will be firebombed. Be warned.
I know times are hard in the retail business. I know you are desperate. But if you thing you are going to lay your grubby little hands on my pension by shouting at me you are going the wrong way about it. On the contrary, if your advertisement annoys me [and all advertisements annoy me] then I shall go out of my way to avoid your tacky little product.
So here is the bargain….
You save yourselves a fortune in advertising costs, and I will try not to burn your premises down.
OK?
Grandad
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