Head Rambles

Grandad October 26th, 2009

I hate October.

It is one month of the year that apart from the trees looking nice, it has no redeeming features at all.

It is the month when they all gang up on me.

The tax people want their gallon of blood in October.  I told them this year I didn’t owe them anything and to fuck off and not to bother me again.

The car tax people get me in October as well.  And the television licence.  They can fuck off this year as well.  If they can afford to pay the Plank that much, then they don’t need my few bob.

Then they screw with my head with that damned clock changing thing again. That really pisses me off.  This year I decided I wouldn’t play along with their little games, so I never bothered changing the clocks.  It’s too much hassle.  That has rightly confused Herself, and had the added bonus that she keeps missing her favourite television programmes, which are usually boring romantic films and crap like that.  At least I get some peace in the evenings.

Then there is Halloween.  The only saving grace there is that I don’t live in the city where for the entire month it sounds like the Normandy Landings.  Here we get the odd bang, but it still scares the shite out of the poor dog.

And the evenings are really getting dark.  Hate that.  I like my sunshine and daylight.

The only thing that is keeping me cheerful is the thought that October is nearly over, and it will soon be November.

I hate November even more.

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Grandad October 24th, 2009

I have a great fondness for music shops.

I’m not talking about your average place that just sells CDs.  No.  I’m talking about shops that sell musical instruments.

There is a shop in Ennis called Custy’s that I confess I have never visited.  My loss.  I must call in there some day.

Now, the local lads in Ennis have a bit of a joke going.  After a skinfull of pints, they feel the need for a piss [as one does] and they think it is a great laugh to have their piss through Custy’s letter box.  Sometimes they go the extra mile and have a dump there too.

Now, Mr O’Connor, who owns the shop doesn’t quite see the joke and is getting a little tired of mopping up their recycled beer and kebabs, and quite frankly, I don’t blame him.

He has tried all sorts of things to stop them but they will insist on having their little joke.

Now he has electrified his letter box.

Fair fucking play to him.

He has put up warning signs saying that the box is electrified, so the lads can’t complain.  But sure you know lads after a few pints? They couldn’t be arsed reading a sign or two, and they will doubtless insist on having their little joke again.

I would love to be a fly on the wall when they fry their nuts.

Of course the Nanny State will come down on the side of the lads.  We must protect even the mindless morons of the state, after all.

But in the meantime, I’m with Mr O’Connor.

I hope he fries the mickeys off them.

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Grandad October 23rd, 2009

Plastic bags are bad for the environment.  Right?

They are non-biodegradable and are a by-product of petroleum, so that makes sense.

Paper bags are good for the environment.  Right?

They can be manufactured out of recycled paper; can be recycled themselves, and are biodegradable.  That makes sense.

Wrong.

“Friends of the Irish Environment” [whoever the fuck they are] are losing the run of themselves, and want a paper bag levy now, on top of the plastic bag one.

Why?

God knows.

The fucking idiots have somehow reached the conclusion that “paper bags have a greater adverse impact than plastic bags”.

Methinks they have been too intimate with paper bags lately, and there was a solvent involved somewhere.

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Grandad October 22nd, 2009

I came across a web site recently.  Helpers.

I will be quite honest when I say that I cannot make head nor tail of it.

Judging by the garish colours, it’s aimed at young people.  It even states that.  Yet its central theme is a video that states that it is “unsuitable for anyone under the age of 15”.  Weird.

Its aim apparently is to “educate” young people about the dangers of smoking -

“The series depicts 3 super-heroes who try to save smokers and non-smokers from the negative effects of tobacco”

but then admits that the tips and advice are “absurd” [their word, not mine].

I tried to watch the video, but again was at a loss as to its message.  From what I could gather, people who smoke promptly go on the rampage with a chain saw and not only cut down every tree in sight but quite a few of the population too.  This is strange, as I know quite a few smokers, and not one of them has ever committed a chain saw massacre.  But then maybe I’m just hanging around with the wrong people?

The cartoon [for want of a better word] then dissolves into a surreal thing about radioactivity, beavers and mutant blobs.  Again, I seem to be missing something here?  Are smokers causing radioactive spills?  It’s the first I have heard of it.

I even tried watching the fucking thing in Irish to see if it made any more sense.  It didn’t

One interesting point is that apparently smokers, who are indulging in a perfectly legal pastime, are suddenly branded as “evil smokers”.  So the youth of today [provided they are over 15?] are being taught that smokers are evil people?  Holy fuck! 

My first reaction was that the site was put up by someone with a weird sense of humour.

Then I ascribed it to some twisted sociopathic group [like ASH?].

Finally, I discovered who was behind it.

Your friends and mine – the EU.

Yes.  This piece of surreal nonsense is funded by the European Union.

Those very same people to whom you gave a resounding vote of confidence in the Lisbon Treaty.

I did warn you.

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Grandad October 22nd, 2009

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