Archive for October, 2009

In a black hole

October 15th, 2009

When I left college back in ‘67, I wrote at random to six companies looking for a job.

One replied immediately, and I started working there the following Monday.

The week after, I got the sack, but in the meantime another of the six had offered me a job so I walked straight into that.

I was with that company for two years and thoroughly enjoyed it.  However, I had applied for yet another job which I took.

I stuck with my third company for nearly 30 years, but all good things must come to an end, and in 2001, I “took the Package”.

This is where things got very fucking complicated.  You see, the Package meant that I was still paid a salary by the company, even though I no longer worked for them,  But seeing as I get a salary, then technically I do still work for them, even though I am now contractually forbidden from doing any actual work.  They are literally paying me a salary to stay away from the place.  That’s fine by me as I was kind of pissed off with them anyway.

So there I was – sitting on my hole at home, receiving a salary and with nothing to do.

So I started my own business.

The situation now, was that I was technically employed by my old company, but was running my own business as well.

In the course of my business, I landed a contract with yet another company, and for reasons best known to themselves, I had to register there as an employee, even though I only worked for them for a few months a year.  This meant that I now had three employers – my original crowd who were paying me not to work; my new employer who only wanted me for a few months a year and my own business which filled in the gaps.

That was the year my accountant had a nervous breakdown trying to do my tax returns.

I have quit all that now, and have shut down my own business.  I now have only one employer, who is still happily paying me not to work.

So I am now, for the first time in my life unencumbered with work.  My days are my own.  I can do what I like.

Next year, I retire officially.

Presumably, as I then go onto a pension, the clause that stated that I can’t work for them is no longer in force, and they will probably insist that I go back and earn all the money they have paid me since 2001.

The problem in the meantime is what I put down as my occupation.

I’m not retired, as that doesn’t happen until next year.

I’m not working as it is contractually forbidden.

They don’t have a box on the forms that suggests “employed not to work”.

Life is so fucking confusing at times.

Please help me

October 14th, 2009

Let me get a few facts straight.

Our country is in a state of financial crisis?  Right?

There is no money for even the most basic things like providing anti-cancer vaccinations.  Right?

We have one of the worst run healthcare systems in the western world?  Right?

Mary Mad Cow Harney is the minister responsible for the “health care system”?  Right?

Then what the fuck is Brendan Drumm getting a €70,000 bonus for?

And why is Mad Cow Harney saying that it has nothing to do with her?

Why the fuck is the CEO of one of the worst run health systems in the world getting a bonus that exceeds the salary of the majority of workers?

This country has me totally baffled.  There is an echelon who seem to throw our money around amongst themselves as if it were Monopoly money.  Also today Cowen is defending the €1.1 million handshake given to that crook Rody Molloy.

Are these people living on another planet?

Am I missing something here?

DIY Healthcare

October 14th, 2009

I read an article yesterday about a patient in Limerick Regional Hospital.

Apparently this patient was being wheeled down to the operating theatre, and the nurses and anaesthetist were discussing the impending operation.  The patient had to butt into their conversation to point out that their information was wrong, and that the problem was on the patient’s right side and not the left.  If the patient hadn’t butted in, the operation would have been carried out on the wrong side.

You may think this is unusual, but it ain’t.

A while ago, Herself had to have “a procedure” in hospital.  I was there when they came to wheel her down.  A nurse and a doctor came breezing into the room and announced cheerfully “so you are the gall-bladder patient”.  She said she wasn’t and it transpired that her notes had become confused with someone else’s.  If they had wheeled her off without saying anything, presumably she would now be somewhat lacking in the gall-bladder department.

Some years ago, I had a fall.  Well, that’s what I tell people.  Actually, it was a lucky swipe of the frying pan, but I’m not holding that against Herself.  All’s fair in love and war, as they say.  It happened on Christmas Day, and I therefore waited until the following day to trolley myself down to the local A&E. 

They prodded me and poked me and eventually took an x-ray.  It was fucking painful, I can tell you.  They examined the x-rays very carefully and said I was just bruised and sent me home.

I couldn’t sleep for a couple of nights with the pain, and my waking hours were no better.  It was fucking agony.

I know a bruise when I have one, and I knew this was no fucking bruise, so after a few days, I went to my local doctor.  He asked for the x-rays, so I collected them and showed him.

He took one very brief look at the x-rays and announced that I had three broken ribs.

So the moral of the story is this.

If you feel you have a need for a hospital visit, DON’T GO.

Stay at home and do the operation yourself.

It’s not that hard.  Most homes have more that the required equipment.  All you need is a kitchen table, a few sharp knives and maybe a pruning saw or electric drill.  If you don’t feel up to doing the operation yourself, ask a friend or a neighbour to do it.

Believe you me, it will be a lot safer and healthier.

Time to quit the Smoking Ban?

October 13th, 2009

When the smoking ban was introduced here five years ago, it was going to have a radical effect on the health of the country.

It was going to “encourage” people to give up smoking and was going to discourage people from starting.

A report by the division of Population Health Sciences at the Royal College of Surgeons in Ireland has been published which comes up with some interesting facts.

Apparently, smoking levels were dropping from 33% in 1998, to 27% in 2002.  Since the ban was introduced, levels have risen again to 29%.  This is hardly a dramatic fall in the number of smokers?

So, apart from alienating a significant sector of the population, what has the smoking ban actually achieved?

For a start, it has been a major [if not the biggest] factor in the closing of over 1,000 pubs.

Pub trade is down by an estimated 15%.

There are complaints of littered streets outside pubs and offices.

Non smokers say their clothes smell better after a night in the pub.

There is no argument regarding the pros and cons of passive smoking as there is no hard statistical evidence that it is harmful.

The one single thing it has completely failed to do is to achieve its primary objective, namely to cut down on smoking.

Apart from making people’s clothes smell less smoky, has it really been worth all that trouble, expense and loss of employment? 

Is it time to have a rethink?

A party with a bang

October 12th, 2009

I enjoy children’s parties.

Especially when I don’t have to attend them, and can’t hear what’s going on.

As you may have gathered, there was a wee soirée here yesterday, complete with the usual accoutrements that seem to accompany modern parties.

Of course I made my appearances at the appropriate times – when the mothers were arriving, or when the cake was being cut.  The rest of the time, I had a nice peaceful afternoon in the coal hole with Herself.  I had the coal hole soundproofed some time ago, as her yelling was annoying me at the time, but that soundproofing works both ways.

It was a very successful party.  The ambulance only had to call three times, and there are no outstanding court cases that I am aware of [yet].

The only sign of the party now is the clatter of balloons around the place.  A few of them burst in the garden, of course, so the place looks like it has been decorated with multi-colour condoms.

One of them just exploded on the floor beside me.

No warning.

No reason.

I shat myself.

I’m getting old.

*sigh*

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