2009 October | Head Rambles

Archive for October, 2009

A scene anywhere in Ireland

Grandad October 7th, 2009

Scene: The Boss’s office.

The Boss is sitting behind his desk looking unhappy.

Enter Me [stage left].

Me: Waddya want, Boss?

Boss: I hope you don’t mind me bringing this matter up, but we think you may have been helping yourself to cash from the till.

Me: So?

Boss: Well… That’s not really allowed, you know.

Me: It’s allowed all right. I think you’ll find it in my terms of employment somewhere. It’s called ‘perks of the job’.

Boss: Look. I am terribly sorry, but we may just have to give you a little slap on the wrist. Just for appearances sake, you understand?

Me: Hold on now! You can’t do things like that. It’s just not on.

Boss: All right then. We’ll leave it at that.

Me: Thanks. By the way, I have been screwing your daughter as well.

Boss: Oh! Then maybe you should resign?

Me: I’ll think about it.

Boss: Please? Pretty please? With a cherry on top?

Me: Oh, all right then. I’ll resign next year.

Boss: That’s very decent of you.

Me: I keep the company car, by the way. And I want my pension doubled. And I get to screw your daughter whenever I feel like it. Maybe your wife as well?

Boss: And will you resign then?

Me: If I get a couple of million in my bank account first.

Boss: OK. Thanks. It’s very good of you to do the decent thing.

Me: You’re welcome.

Exit Me, stage right with a fucking great grin on my face.

Grandad not working

Grandad October 6th, 2009

If anyone manages to read this – congratulations!

Something is radically wrong with the site and it is driving me up the fucking wall.

-oOo-

All seems to be well again

If any of you out there are not hosted by Blacknight you are out of your fucking minds. They are the best.

Fixing things

Grandad October 6th, 2009

While we were away, our washing machine broke down.

I wasn’t entirely surprised as for a while I had noticed a very faint smell of hot electronics off it, and it showed all the symptoms of a blown circuit panel. It would get half way through a wash and it would suddenly stop, and all the lights would start blinking rapidly. What was worse, it would refuse to switch off again, so I had to unplug it. And on top of that, it wouldn’t even let me open the door until I had pulled the machine out and emptied all the water out using a basin.

Fucking irritating.

Since we came back, the fucking yoke has been sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor waiting for the repair man. The only advantage to having it out there was that I could give it a swift kick each time I had to walk around it.

I hate that washing machine.

The bloke came this morning.

He took it apart and sure enough, it was the circuit panel that had blown. There was also a dead gerbil or something jamming the pump. At least I got my money’s worth out of him.

On top of all that, while the bloke was cursing at the machine, and the kitchen was knee deep in stagnant water, I got a mail from my hosting company to say that this site was causing problems.

Apparently it’s too popular and the traffic to it was affecting other sites. Hah!

They suggested that I move it, so I set about doing just that.

I went to copy the files off the old server but they weren’t there. Weird. I went to the new server, and sure enough, there were some of them, but not all. And what’s worse, the site was not accessible, not that anyone will have noticed. What’s more, each time I looked, more files appeared.

I rang Blacknight to see what the fuck was happening.

It transpired they had decided that I had enough on my plate, between randy guinea pigs, a flooded kitchen and a missus who was complaining that the coal shed was cold, so they had decided to move the site for me.

Now that is what I call service.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, the washing machine is now fixed and this site is on its own little bit of web space.

Herself is still cold but doing five weeks worth of washing should warm her up?

Rampant lesbianism

Grandad October 5th, 2009

The room is quiet at the moment.

That won’t last though.

I don’t know quite how it happened, but we went away leaving Minnie Pig here in her cage, but we came back to find two cages and three guinea pigs. I can understand guinea pigs multiplying but not cages.

I can only assume that our K8 brought her two up here to keep Minnie company, but K8 has been here a couple of times since we returned and there has been no mention of the other two going home again. That is fine by me, so long as they are quiet.

The sun is shining in on the cages at the moment, and they are sleeping peacefully in the warmth. Or maybe they are dead? I haven’t checked.

The problem starts though when Minnie wakes up feeling frisky, which she does. A lot.

When she has that randy urge, she starts her whirring noise, that sounds like a helicopter that’s about to drop a minister. This scares the shite out of the other two and they start squeaking at the tops of their voices. Minnie presumably is into a drop of S&M because that eggs her on to even louder whirring.

Just as an experiment, I have let all three loose on the floor a couple of times, purely in the interests of research, and that is when mayhem ensues.

What puzzles me though is that they are all female.

Not being one, I don’t know much about lesbianism, and I don’t think Minnie does either. She chases the other two, trying to play wheelbarrows with them, and they aren’t two happy about this. In desperation, she then sits there screaming for a shag. Whatever about Minnie, I don’t think the other two are too interested in a bit of rumpy pumpy because they refuse to oblige. Just to give them a clue as to what to do, Minnie will try humping them again, but I’m afraid it’s a lost cause. All in all, it leads to a lot of noise but precious little in the way of shagging.

I’m tempted to go and buy a male guinea pig just to shut Minnie up. But then, presumably I would end up with more guinea pigs than I can cope with.

I wonder if they make dildos for guinea pigs?