Come into my parlour
Grandad December 14th, 2009
It’s not often that I see a little ray of hope in this Godforsaken country of ours.
For too long, the Nanny State has been encroaching on our daily lives. We are surrounded by petty rules and regulations to ensure that no one gets hurt. God forbid that anyone should scrape a knee or fall off something.
Probably the worst of these is the rights of a criminal. How insane is it that a burglar can sue me if he hurts himself while robbing my house?
I have a very simple philosophy. If someone enters my property uninvited he or she does so on the understanding that they are entering my world: my rules. Now at long last, the Irish Law Reform Commission are seeing things my way. They are to allow ‘lethal force’ against intruders.
For too long now, I have been forced to quietly dispose of intruders. I have had to make midnight runs to the landfill which just isn’t right at my age. Now that I can legally use lethal force, it removes a tremendous burden from my shoulders as I can now carry on my business unhindered.
Of course, I need to make plain my definition of “intruder”, lest there be any misunderstanding.
- Anyone trying to break into my house.
- Anyone calling to my house uninvited.
- Americans.
- Anyone from Fianna Fáil.
- Anyone from the Green Party.
- Jehovah’s Witnesses.
- Anyone selling anything.
- In-laws.
- Priests or any other allied forms of clergy.
- Anyone trying to disconnect me from any service.
- Anyone I don’t like.
That is not the full list, but you get the idea.
Now I have to phone the Council.
I have to find out which days they will be collecting the bodies.
Subscribe to audio
