2010 in retrospect
Grandad December 31st, 2009
JANUARY
AIB asks for, and receives €10bn funding.
Government announces that the recession is over.
John O’Donoghue is appointed Minister for Finance.
FEBRUARY
BOI asks for, and receives €15bn funding.
Government announces that the recession is over.
MARCH
BOI asks for, and receives €28bn funding.
Emergency budget: Standard rate of tax increased to 85%.
APRIL
Irish Nationwide asks for, and receives €18bn funding.
General Election called after vote of no confidence.
Fianna Fail promise tax decrease to 75%. Ireland suffers collective selective amnesia. Fianna Fail voted back in on landslide. Green Party achieve first ever negative poll.
Government announces that the recession is over.
MAY
Renewed fears of Global Warming as Ireland suffers two consecutive days of sunshine.
JUNE
Fears of Global Warming allayed as Dublin Airport closed for two weeks by snow.
Irish football team travel to South Africa but aren’t allowed into stadium.
Government announces that the recession is over.
JULY
Celebrations announced in Rosslare as two French tourists arrive on ferry. [Celebrations cancelled as tourists announce they thought they were on Southampton ferry.]
Government announces that the recession is over.
AUGUST
Irelands last hospital closes due to massive MRSA outbreak. New replacement ‘Centre of Excellence’ hospital announced. To be completed in 2085.
SEPTEMBER
Shannon region suffers worst flood since records began, twice in one month.
Irish Ferries opens two new services, from Naas to Athlone and from Naas to Cork.
Mary Harney’s expenses claims top one million.
Government announces that the recession is not yet over, and the worst is yet to come.
OCTOBER
All Ireland report on clerical abuse published.
28 bishops don’t resign as they have reflected, and have a clear conscience.
Pro Cathedral, Cobh Cathedral, Waterford Cathedral, Kilkenny Cathedral, Armagh Cathedral all destroyed by accidental fires.
NAMA goes bust with bad debts of €258 billion.
NOVEMBER
Tiger Wood’s potential infidelities reaches the two hundred mark.
Cork disappears under 150 feet of floodwater.
Government promises to build flood defences for Cork in 2130.
DECEMBER
All Irish banks taken over by foreign banks. Assets are stripped, and Irish banks are closed.
Christmas cancelled for second year running.
Country goes into receivership.
Germany buys Ireland at auction for €38.56.
Ireland converted into nuclear waste dump.
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1/1/2011 ….
GD pops his head out from the manor and realises 4 million + have emigrated. Oh dear, no one left to read my retrospective!
GD takes down dog fence as hound can now freely roam the whole of the country.
American tourist arrives and GD adopts him!
GD moves into guinness factory.
Sounds good to me….
Peace at last!
December 31, 2009 Irish Government announces the recession is over.
Brianf´s last brainfart .. Kittens
Brianf – Nothing unusual there. We’re still up to our necks in it though, and will be for some time.
Sounds about right.
Jennikybooky´s last brainfart .. Week Twelve
Jennikybooky – Written with 20/20 hindsight.