A Happy Event
Grandad January 17th, 2010
I felt distinctly weird yesterday afternoon.
It started with a strange sensation in my stomach – like something was moving around in there. I also noticed that my Schwarzenegger-like figure was beginning to look a little bloated around the abdomen. I ignored it all.
Later on in the day I started to have cravings. I had a desire for onions in gravy which came out of nowhere. I decided to do some research on the Interweb.
To my delight, I discovered I was pregnant.
I decided to celebrate by cooking some onions in gravy.
I used to cook this quite a lot, but haven’t done so for quite a while. It was simple enough. I got one of those onions that’s the size of a grapefruit [don’t confuse the two – grapefruit in gravy isn’t the same] and chopped it up and chucked it in the pan. I also baked a few sausages and cooked up some chips. I get sausages from the butcher in the village. They are huge and they are fucking gorgeous. I don’t know what meat he uses, though I did find an earring in one recently.
After my meal [which was delicious] the craving had dissipated, but the stomach was larger, and the movements more pronounced. There was also a considerable level of discomfort. Was this labour, I wondered to myself?
In the early hours of this morning I gave birth.
It was a very easy, if somewhat messy delivery.
I am now the proud father of a bonny bouncing 12lb fart.
Women often whinge on about the difficulties of labour and childbirth, but that’s a load of bollox.
Take it from me lads –
It’s a breeze.
- Rambles
- Comments(24)
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Bottle or breast, Grandad? Heh. Funny post. Now I have to go and bloody well fry up some onions as I too have cravings for onion n’gravy.
PMSL!
I had a multiple birth, in the early hours, following an excellent madras and half a jar of lime pickle. Mrs G.O.T. wasn’t too happy though . . . you can’t beat the distinct smell of childbirth
G.O.T.´s last brainfart .. Government Speak Word Game
Captain – Bottle, of course. Breast is for the older men. Enjoy the onions – may you cook up a storm.
G.O.T. – Ahhhh! I’m a Vindaloo man myself. I would never dare have pickle after though. That takes nerve. It’s funny how women never seem to appreciate our night-time efforts?
You cooked my favourite meal and you didnt call me ya scampis. Oh thats it im cooking an irish breakfast for dinner you know the one i think i gave you the recipe for your hangover cure blog. Listen i will cook you up a plateful and i will put it aside from you that is sheps doesnt get his paws it it.
Vicky Rogers´s last brainfart .. my idea of a perfect day
Vicky – That’s very good of you. I hope there are no onions or beans involved? Herself is still cleaning down the bedroom walls after last night and wouldn’t be too impressed.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WoOXDDjgh-E
Guess that about sums up my reaction better than words would.
Heh!
Be careful what you search for on the internet Grandad – at least it only gave the pregnancy option!!! Now then – have you thought about names?……..
Congratulations, I think…
How do you weigh a fart?
Do you just shout ‘Weh-hay!’ and have a stab at a guess or is there a more scientific method?
K8´s last brainfart .. Bloggers for Haiti
Easy. You get one small cute downy duck. Hold it behind and you and let rip. Pick up the feathers off the floor and weigh them. Sorted in double quack time.
Kate – I was thinking of Katrina, for some reason?
TheChrisD – Thanks, I think….
K8 & Cap’n – Guinea pigs work just as well.
Well of course you were – why change the habit of a lifetime?
Kate´s last brainfart .. January Projects
I meant Katrina as a name. *sigh*
I know but you have called one of your offspring that very name …… before????? Young K8???
Kate´s last brainfart .. January Projects
Ah! She is Catherine. A slight difference, but similar enough to cause great confusion in officialdom?
Aha so many variations …… I am easily confused these days as was the priest that changed my name at the font from Kathryn to Kathereena!!!!!
Kate´s last brainfart .. January Projects
It could have been worse? He could have christened you Charles?
Or even Brian!!! But I am now just a four letter word – if it gets much smaller I will be just an initial!!
So you should be careful with names!!!!!
Kate´s last brainfart .. January Projects
What pisses me off is the modern thing of abbreviating names to the point of absurdity. Why does Kevin have to become ‘Kev’? Or Kate become ‘K’?
My ears are burning.
That’s what you get for letting Puppychild play with matches. I did warn you….
ha!! hi-larious grandad.
Sarah – Are you laughing at my firstborn?