Jaded

January 27th, 2010

It’s our wedding anniversary this weekend.

I had to delve into the recesses of my memory, but I’m fairly sure we got married in ‘75. 

Holy fuck!

Thirty five fucking years!!!

It’s hard to believe. 

During all that time, I am proud to say that I have remained faithful loyal married, which must be some kind of record.  If I were American, I would be onto my fifth or sixth by now, and sunning myself on a beach in Florida with a nice young twenty-something.  But I’m Irish, so I’m stuck here in the mountains with Herself.

Apparently it’s our ‘jade anniversary’ which means I am supposed to buy her something to do with jade.  She can fuck off.  I know of a slapper called Jade who works in a nightclub in Skobieville, so I might make myself a present of her for the night, but that’s as far as it goes [apart from the follow up trip to the STD clinic?].

Thirty. Five. Fucking. Years.

I can’t get over it.

Half the population of this Godforsaken country wasn’t even born, thirty five years ago.

I’m not going to mention it, of course.  With a bit of luck she’ll forget.  And if she doesn’t, she had better get me a damned good present.

It had better be a fucking medal.

14 Responses to “Jaded”

  1. Cap'n Con UNITED KINGDOMon 27 Jan 2010 at 1:11 pm

    Mark her up and sell her on, Grandad. No messing about … she knows the score. Here’s a link to SheBay http://pages.ebay.co.uk/ebayforcharity/sell.html

    I think the trade-in value has dropped a bit on Irish wans but you can still get a couple of Philippinos and a spare camshaft if you haggle a bit.

  2. not twitter UNITED KINGDOMon 27 Jan 2010 at 2:19 pm

    I feel some considerable sympathy for your wife. Thirty five years of rolling her eyes on a daily basis must take it’s toll. I imagine they’re moving continually in circles these days.
    Remember to wear your asbestos socks at the weekend in case she decides to wake you by tickling your feet with a blowtorch.
    .-= not twitter´s last brainfart .. Jolie and Pitt split, oh sh*t =-.

  3. tt UNITED STATESon 27 Jan 2010 at 3:17 pm

    Wedding anniversary- an event best forgot. You’re taking her to Bantry this year. That should do it for a present.

  4. Maxi Cane IRELANDon 27 Jan 2010 at 3:23 pm

    I think herself needs to be commended for not running off with a younger, more agreeable model!!!

  5. tt UNITED STATESon 27 Jan 2010 at 3:59 pm

    I’m available.

  6. rhodester UNITED STATESon 27 Jan 2010 at 4:05 pm

    What Maxi said.

    She meant me, btw.
    .-= rhodester´s last brainfart .. God Hates Gaga? Say it ain’t so! =-.

  7. GoingLikeSixty UNITED STATESon 27 Jan 2010 at 4:27 pm

    Dig out your head bucket because the only medal you will get will be metal upside your bean.

  8. Grandad IRELANDon 27 Jan 2010 at 5:07 pm

    Hey! What’s this?  I go away for a while and come back to find people sympathising with her??  For fuck’s sake – she has had a great thirty five years.  I gave her a roof over her head, didn’t I?  I feed her occasionally, don’t I?  I even let her have the odd vodka [on her birthday], don’t I?

    TT – Drop me a mail, and we’ll discuss prices.

  9. tt UNITED STATESon 27 Jan 2010 at 7:15 pm

    Hardly. I figured you would pay me.

  10. Grandad IRELANDon 27 Jan 2010 at 8:39 pm

    Of course I’ll pay you.  I’m not that heartless.

  11. The Jelly Monster IRELANDon 28 Jan 2010 at 1:18 am

    Awh so sweet and lovely! Congratulations!!! I think you should buy her some lovely bling bling

    This is pretty

    http://image.made-in-china.com/2f0j00YvJENgmrfQbd/Jade-Ring-510301054-.jpg

    You know you want too!

  12. Kate UNITED KINGDOMon 29 Jan 2010 at 8:41 am

    Happy Anniversary!!!! Well done!!! I got married in ’77 and divorced 16 years later!
    I think you both deserve medals!!!
    .-= Kate´s last brainfart .. Electric Shocks!!! =-.

  13. Grandad IRELANDon 29 Jan 2010 at 1:37 pm

    Aw!  Thanks, Kate.  At least someone recognises my suffering and patience.

  14. Grandad IRELANDon 29 Jan 2010 at 4:00 pm

    Hey, Jelly Monster!  You ended up in my Spam folder.  Mind you – suggesting I buy her a ring does constitute spam, so I think I’ll put you back there.

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