Archive for January, 2010

A nation of masochists

January 22nd, 2010

The Irish public never cease to amaze me.

The latest political opinion polls are out, and the figures are quite astounding.

Support for Fianna Fail is actually up.  One out of every five people would actually vote back in the most incompetent, inefficient, self seeking shower of fuckers we have ever had the misfortune to have in government.

I suppose there is an element here of Hobson’s Choice.  People see no alternative to the cunts that are now screwing us left right and centre.  But surely the satisfaction rating must be near zero?  But no.  19% of people are actually happy to be fucked up the backside?  I find that quite astounding.  Maybe it’s the Catholic Churches influence at work again?  All those years of taking it for God and Country has made us immune to buggery?

Just as astounding is the fact that a quarter of all people polled were satisfied with Gormless.  That spineless twat and his green wittering still has a following?  Fuck me! My only satisfaction here is that Green support is down yet again, giving hope to my prediction of a negative figure in the polls soon.

I was so amazed at these figures that I contacted a pal of mine in MRBI who conducted the poll.  I wanted to find out if it had been financed by the government.  But no, it hadn’t.  He told me that the poll had been conducted in accordance with their usual standards.  He even told me where they had taken the poll.

I was amazed.

I didn’t realise that there were as as many as a thousand inmates in St Patricks Institute for the Criminally Insane.

Twitter

January 21st, 2010

I joined up with this Twitter lark a long time ago, just to see what all the fuss was about.

I still haven’t found out.

It is very difficult to even understand what Twitter is.  They say it is micro-blogging which is just the kind of tacky tech-speak I have come to hate, but it is hardly that.  What the fuck can you say when you only have 140 characters?  That provides just about enough space to provide the kind of bland inane shite that I see on Twitter – “I am waiting for a bus.  It’s late” or “Can’t wait to get home”. 

Occasionally, it does come up with something interesting like “Government to be investigated by DPP” [sorry – that’s an example.  Wishful thinking].  It can also be handy if I want to find out something quickly [“does anyone know the number of the fire brigade?”], but apart from that it is just…. well, strange.

It’s like walking into a gigantic hall.  The hall is crowded with people, who are all making comments at each other.  Now, the tricky thing is that you don’t know who is talking to who, and half them have disappeared anyway.  So you may find yourself talking to someone who left six hours ago.  Even more confusing is where you hear someone talking to you and you haven’t the faintest clue what the fuck they are on about.  “@headrambles: I agree”.  You agree?  Good.  Agree to what?  Who the fuck are you anyway?

There are interesting people using Twitter.  For example, @HolyGod hangs around there.  I asked him recently what religion he is, because I thought it would be interesting.  He never replied.  In fact I haven’t seen him on since.  Maybe my question made him think, and he decided he was atheist, and he therefore ceased to exist?  I will never know.

@BigBen is quite interesting.  He bongs the hours, but tends to get a bit monotonous.

I wander into the Twitter Hall every now and then.  I listen to the bland snippets of conversation and internally wince.  I usually then drop a large offensive fart and make a hasty exit, leaving everyone wondering what the fuck just happened.  Yes.  Twitter can be fun.

I don’t think I will ever abandon writing here in order to impart great wisdom to the Twitter world.  It would be like an author abandoning his writing to scribble on toilet walls. [Not that I consider myself an author, but you get the drift?]

I have to go now.

I can feel a positive Hindenburg of a fart coming on.

Time to enter Twitterland.

Twinning

January 20th, 2010

I confess I am at a loss to understand this twinning of towns lark.

Everywhere you drive in Ireland you pass signs proudly proclaiming that some Godforsaken village is twinned with some place you have never heard of.  Even Skobieville, our nearest town is twinned with some place on the continent which is one of the biggest mistakes ever made by our continental friends – I bet someone got hung, drawn and quartered for that little miscalculation.

But what is the point of it?  Is there free transport between the two twins?  Can the people of one place go to their twin and demand free accommodation and discounts everywhere?  What benefit is there in all of this?

I mention this because I got an email this morning from some place in France I have never heard of.  It was a very nice letter, and it said that they were desperate [heh!  They must be!!] to twin with a village in Ireland.  They said they had heard of Glendoher from somewhere and that we sounded like the ideal match.  Now, few people in Ireland have heard of Glendoher, and that’s the way we like it, so I’m not sure how the French are so fucking well informed.  Unless of course it has something to do with my trip over there?  I admit I may have mentioned where I came from, and I admit I may have made a couple of small exaggerations, but even I didn’t recognise the description of my village in the mail.  

My own personal theory is that it is just an excuse for councillors from each town or village to go on little junkets at our expense.  I can’t see any other purpose.

I wrote back to the French crowd and politely declined.

You see, we are already twinned.  We were quite quick on that bandwagon, though I must add that it wasn’t anything to do with me.

We were twinned with a lovely little place in Ukraine back in March of 1986.

There used to be a little sign on the way into the village.

You are now entering Glendoher

Proudly twinned with Chernobyl

A very serious question

January 19th, 2010

This may seem like a silly question at first glance, but think about it.

Why is there a campaign against smoking?

Most people seem to think that it has something to do with health, but there are too many arguments against that.

If health is the concern, then why isn’t there a campaign against fatty food, alcohol, exhaust fumes, and a million and one other far more dangerous facets of modern life.   I know there is talk about them, but you must admit it is not in the same league.  There is also the simple fact that smoking is not unhealthy, nor is tobacco smoke.  People have been fed the lie for so long now that it is taken as unquestioned fact.  Are you aware that Richard Doll [whose studies are used as the basis for all the modern campaign] and the WHO have both found that smoking up to ten cigarettes a day prolongs life and promotes a healthier life.  That category of smoker is statistically healthier than a non smoker.  But because of this strange campaign, both studies were buried as they didn’t fit in with the required results.

If you are still concerned about the health issue, I would ask you if you enjoy a barbecue?  Do you burn wood in your fireplace?  Do you enjoy a flame grilled steak?  If so, you are ingesting all the carcinogens attributed to tobacco but in a greater quantity by a factor of many thousand. Are you aware that eating a simple portion of mashed potato gives you as much nicotine as spending four hours in a smoke filled bar?  You didn’t know that, did you?

So if health is not the issue, then what is?

Is the the smell of tobacco smoke?  If smell is the issue, why is there not a campaign against perfumes, bad hygiene and farting? 

Is it the sight of cigarettes?  That would be a strange reason for such a massive international campaign?  They would be legislating against soother/pacifiers then?  Or sticking a biro in one’s mouth?

Logically, there can be only one reason.  There is only one group to benefit from the bans and that is the pharmaceutical industry with its patches and gums.  Is it a coincidence that the vast amount [if not all] of the research into ‘the dangers of smoking’ is funded by that industry? 

Next time you see some poor sod standing freezing outside a pub or office having a quick smoke, just think about it.

Why should he or she be a victim?

Bloggers For Haiti – taking stock

January 18th, 2010

I think it is no harm to sit back every now and then to take stock of really how lucky I am.  It is something we should all do.

I have a lovely home up here in the mountains that keeps me warm and sheltered [or at least it will do as soon as I get Herself to mend that fucking roof].

I have a doting wife….

Herself

…. who even as I type is out there planting spring potatoes for me.  She’s still quite a looker, considering that she is now into her fifties?

Of course, there is my True Love….

Sharon

…. who has been voted Ireland’s Sexiest Woman, but yiz can all fuck off ‘cus I saw her first.

I have my faithful dog, Sandy, and a beautiful daughter who’s mental eccentricities may not be curable but at least can be stabilised with suitable medication.

I have good neighbours who don’t bother me too much [see under Sandy, above] and a lot of good friends down in the pub.

Yes.  I have a good life, and I appreciate the fact.  That is why I complain so little.

I think everyone should take stock occasionally.  Maybe you should do it right now?  Count your blessings. 

And then maybe shimmy over to Shelterbox and help those less fortunate?  Herself will love you for it.

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