Head Rambles

Grandad February 23rd, 2010

I have no objection to doing a favour, particularly if the price is right.

There are limits though.  That Other Eejit had the fucking gall to ask me if he could use my site to write a post about his site.  I told him to fuck off.

Most of you will probably not be aware of his site.  I think it is an invaluable site for the simple reason that it is a benchmark that marks the bottom dregs of the web world.  Compared to that site, any other effort shines.  He provides the ultimate example on how not to write a site, and for that alone, the world owes him a debt of gratitude.  Heh!

For the last couple of days, he has been moping around the place complaining that no one ever visits, and he has discovered that it’s because the search engines won’t refer anyone to it.  He has never had a single visit as a result of a search.  Who says search engines aren’t intelligent?  Hah!  He wanted to write here to ask peoples advice and that’s when I threw him out.  I told him that if he wanted to ask for help, he should do it on his own site [where no one will ever see it] and he got very upset.

Of course the reason no one ever visits his site is very simple, though I’m not going to tell him.

Every time he’s not looking, I take his site down.

• Blogging
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Grandad February 22nd, 2010

I am getting more than a little pissed off with this weather.

We had another big snowfall over the weekend, and the grass is all white outside the window.  Again.  I never thought I would say this, but I am very tired of snow.

It’s costing a fortune too.  Luckily the neighbour is bearing the brunt of the oil usage, and I reckon I have used well in excess of  thousand litres since the start of the year.  I know this because he was complaining to me the other day how he keeps having to fill his tank.  I told him he should get a more efficient system in and pointed out that he wouldn’t have seen the oil delivery truck outside my place in ages.

One thing I am getting through at a rate of knots is seed for the birds.  I love my birds [just ask Herself or Sharon] and believe in looking after them. The little buggers are cleaning out the feeders at the rate of one a day.  I had a little accident the other day, and included some of my special seeds.  We are hearing some rather strange and startling birdsong ever since.

I have been around for a while, and I remember some pretty stiff winters.  This one beats them all however.  It has been fucking freezing here since the middle of December.  Of course the Climate Alarmists are going to have some problems with it.  It is going to make a nasty little dent in their supposedly upward trending graphs, and I have a suspicion that they are going to accidentally lose the figures for this winter.  Either that or they will have placed 100W light bulbs next to their thermometers, to ensure that their readings conform to their computer models.  Apparently that is known as a ‘trick’ in the trade.

This time last year, it was quite pleasant.  It continued to get warmer and we had quite a heatwave in May, I think it was?  There was a feeling in the air that the entire summer was going to be a scorcher, but of course it turned out to be a fucking miserable summer after all, like every other fucking miserable summer.

I’m hoping that this Godawful weather is going to lead up to a surprise heatwave that is going to last for months.  I am hoping that just for once, we are going to have a decent summer like the ones we used to have back in the 50s and 60s.

I’m not banking on it though.

• Global Warming
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Grandad February 21st, 2010

It is sad how boring the Americans have become.

When I started this site, some years ago, the Americans provided me with an incredibly rich source of targets for my hilariously funny and profound witticisms.  Not only that, but they also provided me with a plethora of targets for my days out hunting.

Then they went and elected that Obama bloke.

I have nothing against Obama.  The world is a lot happier place, now that we are all free from the threat of invasion and World War Three.  But you have to admit – he is fucking boring.

Gone are the good old days of Dubya slamming his foot into it at every available opportunity.  Gone are the good old days of invading every country that so much as sneezed.

The recession hasn’t helped either.  In the Good Old Days, convoys of jumbo jets would fly Americans across to Ireland, full of loudmouths wearing loud clothes and carrying fine fat wallets, and at the end of summer, a Boeing 737 would fly the survivors back again.  That is no more also.  Now all we get is the odd Chet and MaryBeth over looking for their ancestral home, and they are usually skint by the time they get here.  So the hunting season last year was the worst on record, and this year is not promising to be any better.

I haven’t written about America in ages.  They used to feature here at least once a week, but sadly those days are gone.  They never do anything funny any more.  They have pulled up the drawbridge and for the first time in a hundred years are actually minding their own business.  They still try to pollute the airwaves with their intensely unfunny ‘comedy’ programmes on television but I just ignore them.  They still haven’t learned to spell either, despite my best efforts.

The majority of Americans who visit this site now are just looking for porn.  One thing I can tell you is that the Americans are the world’s filthiest fuckers when it comes to pornography.  If you saw some of the things they go looking for on the Interweb, it would make your hair curl.  I mean to say – it would never even have occurred to me that you could try doing that with a guinea pig?  I used to think it was the Russians who were the worst perverts, but those fucking Americans are only disgusting.

I miss the old days.

I wonder if there is any chance of getting Dubya back?

• America
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Grandad February 20th, 2010

I see the list of nominations is up for the Irish Blog Awards.

I was a little bit disappointed to see that I failed to get nominated under the Best Beauty/Fashion Blog as there is at least one site in there I would love to hammer into the ground [no names – no pack drill! Heh!].

I was more than surprised to see that I slid in under four categories which I did not expect – Best Personal Blog, Best Humour Blog, Best Political[?!!] Blog and Best Blog Post.  Our K8 is in there too, so I’ll collect her gong for her when I’m there.

Nominated under three different categories?

To whoever nominated me – thank you very much.

I am humbled.

I am flattered.

I am a little embarrassed.

I am more than a little pleased as well.

• Blogging
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Grandad February 20th, 2010

I woke up this morning, which wasn’t easy after a bottle of best champagne and a bottle of whiskey last night, and realised that this is the first day of a new life.

After all, it is not every day one wakes up for the first time as an official pensioner?  Not that I feel any different, but fuckit, I can now put pensioner down as my official occupation.

I had my mug of tea, and fed the guinea swine and then had a browse of the Interweb.  One of the first things to pop up was a post on one of my regular reads.

After a very long and difficult journey, Xbox is a daddy at long last!!

It sort of puts my new life into perspective when Sanne is really starting hers.

I am thrilled for them.  Their journey has been full of disappointments and difficulties, but Xbox has brought us with him on that journey with courage and humour.

So get your arses over there to Xbox4NappyRash and congratulate them.

• Rambles
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