Letting sleeping dogs lie
Grandad May 16th, 2010
Our K8 has gone off on a wee break.
Somehow, and I’m still not sure how, I was conned into looking after her dog.
Wouldya/Woodja is a nice enough dog. He is big. He is heavy. He is very friendly. He is the most stupid dog I ever met. The simplest of tasks can overtax his single brain cell. He is the Mary Coughlan of the canine world.
Looking after dogs is much the same as looking after children – it’s just a question of keeping them entertained.
We went out into the garden for a spot of ball. I threw the ball for Woodja, and he disappeared into the undergrowth. Sandy and I had a quick set of tennis [Sandy won again]. Woodja eventually came back all pleased with himself and dropped a rock on my foot. I sighed.
Maybe active sports aren’t Woodya’s thing so I thought I’d try something a little more cerebral. I set up the chess board.
Dogs aren’t very good at tossing coins, so I tossed, Sandy won and she chose white. She quickly pawed her queens pawn forward two squares, which is one of her favourite openings. Woodja ate his king. Obviously not a chess player.
I gave up.
Sandy is now lying on my bed reading a book. Woodja is snoring on the couch. It’s best to leave them that way.
There is no doubt about it – Woodja is fucking stupid.
But it’s hard not to like him.
Nice but dim.
- Around the house
- Comments(13)
Subscribe to audio
I love him. But then I’ve a track record of loving incredibly stupid animals…
He is rather lovable all right. I just wish he would realise that he weighs half a ton, and isn’t a lapdog.
Welcome back, by the way. We missed ya!
Funny how dogs don’t live very long don’t you think? I mean how come humans live so much longer than dogs? Both mammals, can weigh the same. I have a pesky little bird that could live till 45 I am told. I just don’t get it.
Dogs should live longer than people – they are much nicer.
If weigh = longevity, you must have a fucking big bird. What is it? A Pterodactyl?
I said pesky LITTLE bird. They live for donkeys’ years. That’s my point. Doesn’t make sense. Oh and he or she is a 20 year old Nanday Conure. After 20 years the little fucker stil bites me.
Ahhh, wouldye look at that – he’s luverly (!) and he’s not a bull. Wouldn’t like to come face to face with one of those – again. (It was on my uncle’s farm and I was 3 at the time…….. it’s best forgotton).
BTW. I love tt. Who is tt?
TT – Your bird has impeccable taste. May it have a long life! Heh!
Geri – He is actually quite like a bull – all bone, muscle and no brain. TT is a cantankerous fart who disagrees with 99% of everything I write. That’s why I like him.
Aww, HI Woodja! *woof*
How dare you compare one of God’s dumb and dim innocent creatures to Mary Coughlan! If the poor dog was given a shampoo bath I might feel inclined to pat him nicely. I wouldn’t dream of giving Mary Coughlan a friendly pat, and as for giving her a shampoo bath…whadaya take me for?
Woodja looks lovely, and reminds me of our old family dog — in character if not in looks. Though instantly adorable, she was remarkably feeble-brained even for a dog. She was very fond of chasing stones and would happily do this all day. When she got too old to chase stones, she still tried to. No sense, but full marks for enthusiasm.
Rhodester – Did anyone ever tell you you were barking?
Gabby – Maybe I was a bit strong there. I was trying to give the impression of an IQ in the negative figures, and Mary Coughlan immediately sprang to mind. My apologies to the animal kingdom.
Stan – Hah! Woodya has half his teeth missing from chasing rocks. In the past, he built up quite a collection of large sharp ones just outside the door here. Now that he is too old to chase them, he just sleeps on them.
Wouldye’s not stupid!! He’s very trainable. I’ve taught him how to clean the babby’s bum during nappy changes, saves me a fortune in cotton-wool. He’s male, that’s all. Like most males, you’ve got to make allowances.
K8 – He is a pea-brain. He is the only dog I ever met who doesn’t know what to do with a ball once he has retrieved it. Fair play about the nappy training though. That should save a furtune in dog food?