Lawnmower Man
Grandad May 28th, 2010
I have invented an automated, eco-friendly, perpetual motion lawnmower.
I’m rather pleased with myself.
To build one yourself, all you need is the following:
- four wire mesh panels
- a wire coat hanger
- three clothes pegs
- a water dish
To build this magnificent wonder of science, you first need to cut the coat hanger into short lengths and then bend them into rings to tie the four panels end to end. You should now have what amounts to a small fence.
Bend the fence into a box, and close it off using clothes pegs [this means that it is easy to fold up again].
Place the box on the lawn.
Add the dish of water.
Now all you have to do is throw in any old guinea pigs you happen to have lying around.
The new lawnmower in action, with Sandy [as usual] wanting a game of tennis.
It is self powered. The grass itself provides the fuel. It is completely silent, so it won’t annoy the neighbours. It fertilizes the lawn as it cuts.
The only thing you have to do now is move it every couple of days.
I reckon the whole lawn should be cut in about two years.
The lawnmower engine.
[Fizz and Minnie]
Does anyone know the address for The Dragon’s Den?
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Guinea Pigs!!!!
Jeez, my lawnmower, at least, uses gasoline and oil. Mine also belches great ripping holes in the ozone. I bet your rodents don’t do that.
Well I’m off to burn a ton of coal in the backyard.
“Mine also belches great ripping holes in the ozone. I bet your rodents don’t do that.”
You obviously haven’t witnessed our rodents’ farts. The ozone layer hasn’t a fucking prayer!
“Throw in any old guinea pigs you happen to have lying around” – love it!
Tortoises-powered mowers work just as well, though they are somewhat slower.
This is all very well, but you’re not doing your bit to keep the planet warm. I mow as often as possible all through summer, even when the grass doesn’t need cutting, because I’m told if I burn enough petrol the planet will warm up nicely. It’s never enough though, and winter always sets in eventually. Now I know why – it’s irresponsible people like you. You could at least have the decency to offset your gerbils by driving somewhere unnecessarily.
Welcome Val! I would have reservations about tortoise mowers. Surely they don’t work too well should you wish to give your lawn a quick mid-winter trim?
Ciaran – When it comes to the environment, you should know by now how conscientious I am. I am a firm believer in doing my bit, and for each square meter of lawn cut, I burn an old car tyre to provide my carbon offset. Combined with the guinea pig farts, my conscience is more than clear.
By the look on Sandy’s face, Fizz or Minnie has just let another one off!
Still, at least all that grass will keep Minnie’s mind off sex!! (Unless of course she comes face to face with a mole…..).
Brilliant!
Considering that my lawn tractor was due to picked last Tuesday (needs new blades, sharpened,balanced, installed and me with no workshop–yet) which still hasn’t happened I may have to resort to your mow by guinea pig method. Not too sure what to do with them at night though. Got four cats on the inside and wild type animals on the outside, all who would love a nice fat guinea pig snack I’m sure.