Studies have shown
Grandad July 29th, 2010
Herself came up with one of her Fascinating Facts last night.
She was browsing in the Interweb at the time, so I asked her if the fact contained a “research has shown”.
She admitted that it did.
The papers and the Interweb are crawling with these studies. They always start with “research has shown” or “a study has found” or something that indicates that this is a bunch of nobodies, trying to make a name for themselves and to justify their existence and their budget. I have reached the stage where I don’t believe a single one of them.
The “fact” that Herself discovered last night is that apparently having few friends is as damaging to survival as smoking 15 cigarettes a day or being alcoholic. Straight off, this confused me. Smoking 15 cigarettes a day is the same as being an alcoholic? Wow! That’s bad.
When it comes to friends, I have no complaints. Herself isn’t too badly off, as I let her share my friends from time to time. At least I know now that there is little chance of my ending my days in the gutter, or dying of liver failure?
If the government sees this, we are fucked. It will be compulsory to have friends. They will set up matchmaking offices around the country and we will all be registered. All males will be required to carry an IFA card and all females an ICA card. Social Welfare cheques will not be issued to anyone who isn’t accompanied by at least ten people [excluding family]. They will insist on setting up a Facebook account for everyone in the country [at a cost of 12.5 million?].
Maybe they will pass a law requiring everyone to attend a pub at least once a day? Of course then we would all gain friends, but become alcoholics which might defeat the purpose? But then pubs are closing at a great rate because of the smoking ban and causing people to lose out on a social life, which is a sort of Catch-22 conundrum?
I’m going to play safe. I’m not an alcoholic, so I’m all right there. I don’t smoke 15 cigarettes a day, so that’s fine.
Just to be on the safe side though, I have booked myself into Lisdoonvarna.
- Rambles
- Comments(13)
Subscribe to audio
“Prof Smith said good relationships benefit individuals throughout their existence from childhood to later life.
He said: “This effect is not isolated to older adults. Relationships provide a level of protection across all ages.”
Stating the obvious and condescending at the same time. Makes you want to reach for the ciggies and the booze.
But everyone knows that us old folk don’t have any friends unless we play bowls or bingo?
Pass the whiskey, anyway.
Lisdoonvarna is great craic, as Christy Moore’s song of more than 20 years ago proved. Seriously though, I owe my healthy nonsmoking existence to Lisdoonvarna. My parents met there when they went to ‘take the waters’ one autumn many many years ago. It was ceili and old time waltzing to live hotel bands in them pre-TV days, and horses and traps were a common mode of rural transport, and holding hands was the height of passion. Does the missus know you’re going there, grandad?
Studies have shown that holding hands…
[plaudits for the most imaginative completions of that sentence]
Brigham Young University ? Always nice to have the Mormons give their advice on smoking and drink. Make mine a double.
studies have shown that staring at women’s breasts for ten minutes a day adds 5 years onto your life. true story!
http://news.softpedia.com/news/10-Minutes-Of-Staring-Boobs-Daily-Prolongs-Man-039-s-Life-by-5-Years-72490.shtml
Gerry – Studies have shown that holding hands is a major cause of pregnancy. In a survey of 128 parents, 83% said they had held hands with their partner at some stage in the year prior to birth.
Morris – The Mormons are like Catholic priests – they know all about these things.
Kae – WoooHoooo. I’m going to live forever!!
Studies have shown that holding hands… stops you from clapping daft research studies?
Studies have shown that holding hands two business partners, who have lost everything in a zombie hotel chain, will reach the ground below at the same time if they jump desperately off the tenth floor of a tall building.
In the 16th century Galileo proved the theory with balls dropped from the leaning tower of Pisa anyway, so don’t go jumping off Irish skyscrapers folks. Studies have shown that suicide results in certain death.
Experience has shown that having a just a few decent loyal friends is better than having a lot of fair weather ones. And I’ve held my own hands from time to time and have never become pregnant. Just so you know.
Studies have shown that holding hands and standing in be the wall till the bus passes is
much safer than standing in front of a train!
Why are the prices for accomodation at Lisdoonvarna listed as PPS?
Surely the…
Oh, right.
Wow! I was perplexed by this ’til I read Kae’s comment. I’m going to live a very…very long time!
Research shows that studies always call for more research. BURP.