Archive for July, 2010

Welcoming the politicains

July 20th, 2010

I am ready to serve my country.

Now that the Home Defence Bill has been published, and will soon be law, I am preparing myself.

I have already gotten myself a billhook – weapon of choice of the Knackers, and all I have to do now is mount it on the back of the front door.

billhook

You see, within the next couple of years, I know my property is going to be invaded by thieving shitbags who for years have being doing their damndest to grab every penny I have.

They will trespass on my property and spout lies that they are there for my own good, but I know better.

There will be blood.  There will be bodies aplenty.  There will be carnage, and quite honestly I am looking forward to it.

Roll on the next election.

Bring on the politicians.

Heh!

Freedom of choice

July 19th, 2010

There has been some talk in the meeja lately about the burqa.

burqa

At the outset, let me make my opinion plain – I hate the fucking things.  They look weird and spooky.  I like to see who I am talking to and the idea of talking to a blue sheet out of a Halloween nightmare is slightly off the scale of creepy.

You would imagine then that I would be in favour of banning them?

I’m not.

The Burqa ban is exactly the same as the smoking ban, and every other fucking ban they are trying to introduce, from sugar and salt to alcohol.  It is the imposition of an opinion on the few.  We don’t like it, so you can’t do it. 

The smoking ban was a turning point in my life.  It had a radical effect on me, far beyond the mere fact that I wasn’t supposed to smoke in a pub.  What it did was to make me question the whole business of bans and petty laws.  It made me question the whole morality of governments and their legal systems.  It turned me into a Libertarian.

I am now a staunch believer in the right of the individual.  I believe that as intelligent human beings we have the right to determine our own lives and should have the freedom to choose our lifestyles without any interference from any ‘majority opinion’.

I have been giving this subject a lot of thought of the past years.  Some have accused me of banging on about the smoking ban because I have been inconvenienced.  Bollox.  In fact [and I have given this some thought too], if I were a non-smoker, I would be just as vehement in my opposition to the ban.  I would still rant on about it simply because it is a gross interference in civil liberties.  It is the prevention of doing something that is quite legal, simply to satisfy people’s prejudices.

There are many things in life that irritate me.  Some are mere irritations, like people shouting into mobile phones on public transport or the sight of an obese kid lacing into his fifteenth can of Coke of the day.  Others cause me physical distress, like perfume causing my sinus to flair up or umbrellas poking my eyes out.  I would like to see those things banned but then what right have I got to impose my likes and dislikes on others?  I have no right at all.  Yet others seem to think it is all right to do so.

If I don’t like someone’s perfume, I move away from them.  If I don’t like the look of a fat kid, I look away.  If I don’t want my eyes poked out with an umbrella, I fend it off with a fist [sometimes quite fiercely.  Heh!].  If I don’t want to hear someone shouting into a mobile phone, I grit my teeth and remind myself that it is supposed to be a free world, and that there are probably things I do that would irritate them.

I am a free thinking human being.  I have a right to determine my own life.  If I want to kill myself by not wearing a seat belt or taking drugs, then that is my business.  It is up to me to determine the impact on others.  I know the full implications of not wearing a seat belt or taking hard drugs so I make my choice based on those implications.  I have studied in depth the many reports on the health implications of smoking and I make my choice based on those.  No one has the right to make those choices for me.

Aha, you say,  what about the people who aren’t informed or intelligent enough to make those choices?  What about them?  Why should the majority have their lives governed because of the stupidity of the few?

The vast majority of people couldn’t give a flying shit about the Burqa, obesity, or even smoking.  Before the smoking ban came in, only a very small minority complained.  In fact, I remember a local pub opened a non-smoking room about fifteen years ago.  It was never used so they made it back into a normal room again.

So the next time you see a burqa, just think.

Do you have the right to impose your likes or dislikes on others?

Farting on Twitter

July 18th, 2010

For reasons I won’t go into just now, I have been asked to analyse my attitude to Twitter.

For a start, I fucking HATE the name.  What fucking moron thought that one up?  Why couldn’t they come up with a good old fashioned acronym like Fast And Rapid Texting?  That way people wouldn’t be so fucking smug about bragging that they FART a lot or the fact that they are keen FARTers?

I joined FART quite a while ago, and did my best to get the hang of it.  I persevered, but it still made no sense.  In fact, I see I have FARTed a total of 2412 times, so you can’t say I haven’t tried?

What baffles me is the banality of some of the FARTs.  Why should I give a fiddler’s fuck what film you are about to watch / are watching / have just watched?  Why should I give a shit if you are walking down Fifth Avenue?  What care I if you have decided to treat yourself to another slice of cake?  Good luck to you, but don’t bother me about it.

Don’t get me wrong – it does have its uses.  It is good for lamming out a quick emergency cry for help – “Accidentally drank Paraquat.  Where nearest hospital?” or “Does anyone know Obama’s password?”   It is also excellent for advertising links and articles that people have found.  The latter is the one use that I do have for FART, and I have my site set up that whenever I post, I FART.  It lets people know when there is a new nugget of gold on my site.  I know they are just waiting for it, and it notifies them that bit quicker.

I do get the odd chuckle out of FART, but not often.  Some people just regurgitate old jokes, which is a bit tedious.  Some people have a great way with words though and can provide a quick smirk.  Some people can throw in a quick comment about an event or some other item which can raise a laugh, but generally it just isn’t worth the effort.

A while ago, I decided to try FART out as it it were one of those old text adventures, to see what reaction I would get.  I would write something like “Grandad has entered.  Looks around.  Grandad leaves”.  One or two got the gist of what I was at, but my theory is that most FARTers are too young to remember text based adventures.

That is the nub of it.  FART is for the younger generation.  They like the instant gratification, and the ease of writing a message in less than 140 letters.  It requires no thought.  Some say it gives a sense of community, but it doesn’t do that for me because there is little of the one to one communication that a blog [another despicable word] provides.

I think basically that there is little wrong with FART.

It’s just that I’m too old for it.

Not taking the piss

July 17th, 2010

During the week, I took the piss out of the bloke in Cork who calls himself Supershadow, or Mickey Suttle.

I’m a little sorry I did that now.

You see, I thought he was just playing a bit of a game.  I mean to say, no one can be serious about the crap he writes? 

I received another mail during the week, and this showed how really deranged the poor chap is.  I now realise I was mocking the afflicted and that is not nice.  The chap needs help, not a bit of slagging.

The paranoid mind is a strange place, as the mail showed.  I really am sorry for mocking him now.  He seriously needs professional help, not derision.

The mail:

this is my last mail to you as you have wasted enough of my

time already.

let me clarify the following. (i have to laugh ever 20 seconds at your naivety:)

1. I am mickey suttle. i am under fbi protection due to 2 assasination attempts by star wars fans who dont like what i have to say at SS.com. (the site is constantly cyber attacked)

   There have been numerous attempts to trace me via the internet so the fbi have set up a number of untracable proxy ip address’s for me wolrdwide using their foxcon31 security system. (this system is used by the Witness protection program here in america)

2. i cannot be found. even if you were to bypass the proxy you would have broken through the most advanced firewall ever created. the CIA would have you assasinated for this as  foxcon31 took 20 years to design. The scandal that it could be hacked could cause a stock market crash.

3.The Ten Commandments particularly state NOT to worship other gods.This means additional gods must exist because God wouldn’t care about the imaginary.

I am one of those others. i am revered and hated in equal measure by star wars fans worldwide. my time is coming  and soon you will all realise the chronological folly of your gregorian calender. the world never truly existed before 1977.

4. if you only knew the truth about the world around you.Don’t pray for a Lamborghini or receiving tons of money. Instead you should pray both night and day without ceasing and no stopping that the Imperial overlords continue to only observe our planet.

I am and will always be George Lucas’s only true friend

the fbi have demanded that i close this account so this will be our last communication until the end when you realise i am real and will demand a refund on your existence.yet it will be in vain,

Im ranting on now but for once in my life i want to be wrong about something

yours in star wars,

SS

Pretty scary?  Huh?

Sandy

July 16th, 2010

Poor Snady hasn’t been getting much of a mention here lately.

I don’t know why, as she is rarely away from me.  We are a team and do most things together.

She has become the most affectionate and caring dog I have ever come across.  The only thing she demands from life is that I don’t leave her anywhere, and becomes quite pissed off if I do.  As a result, if I’m in out in the grounds, she has to come with me.  If I go in the car, she has to sit in the passenger seat and drive with me.  She is quite happy to be left in the car and will plonk herself in the driver’s seat and keep it warm for me until I return.

Once or twice, I have had to go out and leave her in the house.  She usually displays her displeasure at this by making a point.  Once she removed a loaf of bread from the kitchen and carefully placed it in the middle of the sitting room floor.  This is her way of saying “don’t mess with me, or I can do some real damage”.  Another time she brought a waste-paper basket into the sitting room and up ended it.  Again, a fairly clear statement?

Apart from that, she is a very caring and considerate dog.  If I am having a lie in, she will sit beside the bed, waiting for me to wake up.  It doesn’t matter if she is bursting for a piss, she will not wake me.  As soon as I open an eye however, I have to move quickly to avoid a face wash or a lash of the tail.  If I am in a good mood, she is full of beans and all on for a game of tennis on the lawn.  If I am in a bad mood, she will sit by my chair and place a paw on my knee and give me a long sad look as if to say “I feel your pain”.

Like myself, Snady likes the quiet life, hates loud tourists and just wants to be left in peace.  If Puppychild is around, she will do her duty and play for a while but soon gets pissed off and will quietly let herself into my ‘office’ [ever since she was a puppy, she has had no problem opening doors] and will stay there until the coast is clear.

The only thing she hates in life is a thunderstorm.  We had one last night, and she was reduced to a quivering jelly.  She frantically hides herself in the darkest, quietest spot in the house and will lie there panting and shivering until the storm is over.  I used to love thunderstorms, but now I dread them.

I love that dog.  I have had dogs all my life but she is The Dog.

Sandy
Sandy – The Dog of a Lifetime

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