Head Rambles

Grandad August 12th, 2010

I wasn’t going to write anything today, because I was a little on the busy side.

However, Herself has asked me to.

You see, today there was a wee bit of an upheaval in Head Rambles Manor.

It started first thing in the morning when Herself came in from the shed with a face on her like a wet Monday.  This is fairly normal so I ignored it.  However, her usual swig of the gin bottle didn’t seem to cheer her, so I asked what the matter was.  She coughed.  I’m used to her coughing, but she isn’t usually so messy about it. Don’t ask for the gory details. This worried me.  I don’t want anything to happen to her as I would miss her.  Who else would wash my socks?

I brought her down to the Doc just to be on the safe side.  Half an hour later, she emerged from the surgery looking a tad happier.  Apparently she has a chest infection, and not what she secretly thought she had.  It was caused by an infection, but she admitted that the fags weren’t helping it much.

Once we got home, she got quite chatty, and started giving out to me about the stuff I write here.

‘You encourage people to smoke’ she said.

‘No I don’t,’ I replied.  ‘I maintain it is a matter for the individual’.

‘Well, tell them not to start.’

‘I don’t think I am going to influence ‘em one way or the other’ I retorted.  I don’t like being told what to write.

‘Tell them,’ she glowered, ‘or I’ll tell Sharon you have the Clap.’

So I am telling you now.  Don’t start.  If you have started and are only smoking a couple a day, then stop now as the couple will soon become twenty.  This is what happened with Herself.  She didn’t smoke, but a “friend” persuaded her to have a couple a day, against my advice.  The “friend” is long gone now, and the couple a day have become twenty, and as a result, a chest infection becomes a cause for a major worry.

Those of you who have never tried the pipe – try it.  It is a much more pleasant pastime than dragging on the fags.  It’s cheaper too, and cleaner.

So there.

I have said my piece.

And I don’t have the Clap.

Not at the moment, anyway.

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