Archive for September, 2010

Just words

September 30th, 2010

For the last couple of years the word ‘billion’ has become commonplace.

The problem with that word is that it is so similar in appearance and sound to ‘million’. We tend to forget that a billion is a thousand times greater.

The bailout of that junk bank Anglo is now expected to cost thirty five billion Euro. Let’s just look at that number. €35,000,000,000. Even now it doesn’t look very big?

Let’s look at the number in a couple of other ways.

Suppose that sum had to be paid today, and everyone had to cough up? It would mean that every man, woman and child in the country would have to hand over €9,000 on the spot. You have a wife and three kids? Your bill is then €45,000 thanks very much.

Suppose you had to pay it off all on your own? It’s possible. All you have to do is earn the average industrial wage, and hand every cent over to the government. You’ll have the debt paid in a mere 1,000,000 years. Of course you could pay it off in four years if you got the entire population of Cork to work on your behalf.

Where will we be in 35 billion seconds? Somewhere in the year 3,120.

Words really do fail me when it comes to this government and their crass incompetence. They are pouring money into a black hole as if it meant nothing.

And here is where I have another problem.

I have used up my stock of expletives to describe them.

I have called them fuckers, wankers, cunts and arsewipes. I have probably called them a few other things as well.

But like the problem with the word ‘billion’ I need a yardstick to express the magnitude.

I badly need new expletives to describe our government.

Fuckers, wankers and cunts just doesn’t cut it any more.

I need new words.

Help!

Bring on the revolution

September 29th, 2010

It has been a very busy day.

I have had a lot to do since early morning.

No time for writing any of my usual rubbish.

I have some more welding to do, and pipes to cut.

Mwaahahahahaha!

Driving the country to suicide

September 28th, 2010

I use a yoke called "Woopra" to keep an eye on this site.

It’s a fancy yoke with a dashboard that looks like it belongs in Launch Control Centre, or a nuclear power station. All sorts of fancy graphs and tables and colourdy thingies that dance around the screen as people visit.

On of the yokes is what I believe is called a ‘cloud’. It’s a little box that shows what words people are using to find the site. The more often the word is used, the bigger it is in the box. For a long time now, I have been seeing words like Senior, Sex, Nude and various other words that you wouldn’t normally hear in polite company.

Lately however things have changed. I have noticed one particular search appearing on a fairly regular basis, and quite honestly it scares the shite out of me.

Suicide search

On a daily basis, people are searching for information on how to commit suicide. I happened to glance off the subject a couple of times, so they find this site.

Has it really come to this? Are those cretins in the government so obsessed with cozying up to the banks and Europe that they aren’t aware of the total devastation they are causing in people’s lives? Are they not aware that they are not only destroying people’s businesses but also their lives?

This has gone so far beyond a joke that something has to be done, and done quickly.

Sometimes I despair.

Positive Ageing Week

September 27th, 2010

So this is Positive Ageing Week, is it?

I have been trying to find out exactly what the fuck Positive Ageing Week is, but I’m none the wiser.

"The central aim of Positive Ageing Week is to celebrate the fact that we are all growing older, and that ageing is something to be celebrated, rather than feared."

What the fuck?

How can you celebrate the inevitable? That’s like celebrating the fact that tomorrow is Tuesday.

And what this shite about fearing growing old? What is there to fear? Would you rather the alternative? OK, so once you get to my age you start to dismiss ideas of climbing Mount Everest, but who the fuck want to do that anyway? It’s overrated in my opinion.

Being old is pretty much the same as being young, only more fun. Being old means that your drug dealer is more likely to be found in a pharmacy and not a street corner. Being old means not having to show respect for anyone because you are now the one demanding respect. Being old means you can watch your favourite film time and time again, because you can never remember how it ends. Being old means you can legitimately bore the arse off people telling them how good the Good Old Days were. They never listen, but it’s fun watching them squirm.

I like being the age I am. If I had known it was going to be this good, I would have come here earlier. There is no way I would want to go back and be young again. If I were given the opportunity to be twenty again, I would dismiss it with a casual wave of the hand. Who the fuck wants to be young? All those years of work and drudgery ahead? Having a millstone of a mortgage to look forward to? Having to listen to all that utter crap they call music these days? No thanks. I’ll stick where I am, thanks very much.

I’m going to make the most of this week.

I will barge to the head of the queue and if anyone complains, I will point out that it’s Positive Ageing Week.

When I get to the head of the queue, I shall insist on paying with small change, which I shall count out as slowly as possible. It’s Positive Ageing Week so the queue can fucking wait.

I shall demand pensioners discounts on everything including my newspaper and tobacco.

I still don’t know what Positive Ageing Week is.

But I’m going to fucking enjoy it.

National Grandparents Day

September 26th, 2010

Herself tells me that today is Grandparents Day.

Not being one who believes everything she says, I went on the Interweb to check.

Fuck me but there is a lot of confusion about it. Some say that Grandparents Day is [was] the 3rd of February. Another says it was the 4th of March. The Irish Times claims it’s this month but don’t say exactly when. The Catlick Church claims the 25th of July. However a few places say that the 26th of September is National Grandparents Day. That happens to be today, so I’m quite happy to run with that one.

The day is getting on a bit, and I haven’t seen a hair of the grandkids yet. I can only assume they are preparing a nice surprise for me. I hope it’s something nice like a voucher for free booze for the year in the local. Or maybe they are going to announce that they are going to do all my gardening for the year?

I don’t normally go in for all this shite about Valentine’s day and Mother’s Day and all those other fucking days that were invented by greetings card companies. I am prepared however to make a generous exception for Fathers Day and Grandparents Day. Those two are definitely days worth celebrating.

So now I am waiting for the offspring’s offspring to arrive.

I hope it’s something nice and useful and not just some old stuffed toy or an engraved mug. Mind you, if the mug is silver, I will be able to melt it down and flog it, which wouldn’t be too bad.

I wonder what my surprise is?

I am waiting.

Still waiting.

Still waiting.

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