Archive for October 2nd, 2010

Pretentious wankers

October 2nd, 2010

What is this obsession with stupid fucking words?

Since the financial crisis started we have been subjected to a whole new batch, and they really fucking irritate me.

The three that are bandied about most are “subordinated”, “hair-cut” and “tranche”.

The problem with these words is that no one has a fucking clue what they mean, but people use the words as it makes them sound important. I can just imagine an economics correspondent having a wild orgasm as he types “tranche” into his latest report. It makes him feel good. Like the rest of us, he doesn’t know what it means, but it makes him sound like an insider who really knows what he is talking about, and it makes him feel oh so important.

I know what “hair cut” means. It’s that thing that we used to get for a shilling on Saturday mornings back in the fifties and sixties – that thing that is now called a hair style. Not any more though. Now apparently it means a discount or something. They keep waffling on about NAMA buying debt with a fucking hair cut. What in the name of all that’s fucking holy are they talking about. What moronic idiot came up with that expression? Why can’t they just use the word “discount”?

I had to look up the words “subordinated” and “tranche”. They are both words that are used exclusively by financiers and accountants. Now few of us are accountants and even fewer have aspirations in that direction so why use word that only an accountant will understand? After all, a doctor may talk about “infectious mononucleosis” but we talk about Glandular Fever, which is the same thing but in layman’s terms. If a layman talks about “infectious mononucleosis” it just makes him sound like a pretentious wanker.

I am begging everyone to please stop using those words. There are many alternatives. You can surely talk about a batch of loans that are bought at a discount, instead of a tranche with a hair cut? You can surely come up with a better word than subordinated? You see, if you do that, we will all know what you are talking about.

And you won’t sound like a fucking arsehole.