Put a sock in it
Grandad October 16th, 2010
What the fuck is it with socks?
In the course of a year I must buy about fifty pairs.
Every time I pass a shop that sells socks, i nip in a buy a bundle of the fucking things.
Whenever I buy them, I always go for the same socks. The same colour and the same material. Black. Cotton. Every sock I have bought in he last few years has been indistinguishable from the last. That way I can avoid that damned odd-sock. syndrome.
Will someone please explain to me why, when I open the airing cupboard to get a fresh pair of socks I am buried under a cascade of odd socks? There will be bright ones and dark ones. Socks with garish patterns on them. Socks that have shrunk so they wouldn’t fit a two year old. But do you think there will be a singe black cotton sock? Not a fucking chance.
Where the hell do they all go to? Somewhere in this house there are fifty pairs of black cotton socks, and I damned if I can find them.
And people wonder why I wander around with one bright pink sock and one bright yellow one.
I’m not eccentric.
I’m just the victim of a fucking conspiracy.
- Around the house
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A man after my own heart I have been doing this for years. But alas the multi national sock companies have wished up and now change the shade ever so slightly in each pair. But what the hell who looks at your socks anyway so carry on.
There is a special sock universe to which, given the slightest chance all socks aspire to escape. Washing machines all contain a multidimensional portal to sock space. We cannot stop it, we can only hope they are happy in their new sock life.
TeeHeeHee
I told you he would notice.
Uh, Grandad, the pink and yellow ones look just fine.
snickersnicker
Peacock – I keep telling Herself that no one looks at my feet, but will she listen? She has a wee fetish about socks which I frankly find rather strange.
Heretic – The Odd Sock Black Hole is well documented. Like the rest of humanity I have suffered from that one all my life. But whole pairs of socks to vanish in their dozens? I don’t think even my washing machine could manage that.
The CIA – Glad you think so. I hope they don’t flare your CCTV cameras?
Nobody looks at male socks unless they’re the pope’s red ones, but then he’s a borderline tv-cross dresser case. Problem is people can smell male socks a mile away. Apparently baking soda or baby powder (!) sprinkled inside shoes overnight might do the job. If the smelliness persists in socks and other, unmentionable, clothing they say a drop of white vinegar in with the washing powder before you press the button for the weekly washing machine program will banish the source of personal embarrassment. Link: http://www.ehow.com/how_5682987_remove-stinky-feet-smell.html
My personal problem is holy socks. My big toe is an irrepressible culprit. No matter how often I clip my toenails they allus burrow through the thick sweaty wool and whatever synthetic fibres are there. Has any kind reader got a recipe for holy sock prevention? How can I ecologically recycle holy socks? IMHO they take too long to degrade in compost heaps, so other suggestions please.
I match mine by thickness.
You probably are an eccentric victim of a F ing conspiracy…
It’s herself hiding them on you, just to piss you off – or else she has them on her hands when she’s hand picking the coal for the fire
Gabby – “weekly washing machine program“ What the fuck? Who the hell does their washing weekly? Twice a year should be more than enough.
Go to the linnen cupboard, find the duvet cover that hasn’t been used for the longest. They are in there.
I should start charging for this.
Bucko – What is it about duvet covers? What law of physics decrees that they swallow everything in sight? It’s weird.
Yo Rambles!
Remember me? Just thought I would drop you a line to remind you Guinea Pigs do not die young (heh).
Blogging about socks eh? Well I guess its better than blogging about what’s usually inside them.
As a ground hugging rodent let me tell you I know all about it. You people have no idea what it’s like down here – smelly bastards.
(I guess i need to get back into this stuff myself – blogging i mean, not yer socks)
Catch you around
Yo Sighs! Of course I remember ya. Who could forget a pig with attitude? Glad you’re back.