Archive for October, 2010

Conspiracy or what?

October 13th, 2010

I am not one for conspiracy theories.

I couldn’t give a shite whether Armstrong walked on the moon or on a stage set.

I couldn’t give a fuck if Elvis is living in a tent in the Gobi Desert, just so long as he isn’t singing any more. I fucking hate Elvis.

I must confess though that I have always had a few questions about the World Trade Centre business.

There are niggling little things that just won’t go away.

How come, when Bush was told that an aircraft had flown into the WTC, he just shrugged and carried on listening to a children’s story? Any halfwit would know there was something serious going on and would have excused himself from the proceedings, but not our George. He just carried onj as if nothing had happened.

OK, so Bush was a idiot so maybe that was just another of his incredibly bad judgment calls? But there is one aspect of the whole affair to which I have never found a satisfactory answer – how come all the buildings fell so neatly? I know a bit about civil engineering, as it is in the family blood, so to speak. For example, I know that one of the greatest problems any demolition expert has is to get a building to collapse in on itself. It takes precision placement of explosives and the timing has to be just right. If there is any error at all, the chances are that the building will fall sideways instead of vertically. Yet in New York several buildings fell, all very nicely in a heap without very much damage to adjoining buildings. Also I find it strange that both towers collapsed. The chances of both planes hitting their respective buildings in precisely the same circumstances are a statistical impossibility [almost] yet both towers collapsed in precisely the same fashion. If one tower had survived or if they had collapsed in different ways, maybe I wouldn’t be so unsure, but for both collapses to be virtually identical is hard to swallow.

There are many other questions I have about the whole business, but I just put it down to maybe not knowing the full facts, or something.

I dismissed the whole conspiracy theory and filed it away next to the John F Kennedy file.

Yesterday I came across a video on Captain Ranty’s site. I dismissed it as yet another crackpot theory, but then I watched it.

More fucking unanswered questions to add to the stockpile.

There are times when it is very hard not to believe in conspiracies.

Damn!

Green vomit

October 12th, 2010

Will someone please get rid of those Greens?

I am heartily sick of the sight of both Ryan and Gormless.

Lately we have been inundated with pictures of Gormless and his fucking stupid ideas. Apparently no one in government has the balls to tell him that he is a waste of space and they keep hinting to him to shut the fuck up, but he keeps rabbiting on about his National Government idea.

Whenever I see Gormless, I think of the weedy little boy in the playground who nobody likes. The weedy kid is invited to join the Big Bully’s Gang, as they need to make up numbers. Weedy Kid doesn’t realise that he is just a number and starts mouthing off as if he were one of the big boys. He is so fucking impressed to be in the Big Bully’s Gang that he really thinks he must be someone to fear, so he starts throwing his weight around, not realising that Big Bully doesn’t give a flying fuck about him, just so long as he stays in the gang.

Then there is that Smirker Ryan!! He was on some programme the other night, and I swear to God I let a scream out of me that must have disturbed people in a ten mile radius. Like Gormless, he really thinks his ideas are so important. His idea for getting us out of the recession is apparently Green Energy. Oh fuck! Windmills all over the fucking shop! He has some weird idea that we can turn Ireland into some kind of nightmarish power station, where we take the wind, the waves and the fucking rain and turn them all into power to sell to Europe. His Plan B is to apparently make us into the digital heart of Europe. He doesn’t seem to realise that we don’t even have decent broadband, and are number 25 out of 27 countries for speed? Only Italy and Cypress are worse than us which isn’t saying much. Even fucking Latvia has four times our speeds on average.

I really have had enough of that pair. So far their only contribution to the running of the country has been to raise the price of fuel and to nearly ban lightbulbs.

I honestly cannot wait until the next election.

Will someone PLEASE eradicate them?

As painfully as possible?

The case against October

October 11th, 2010

I must confess that October is not exactly my favourite month.

It’s the month where trees decide that Summer isn’t coming back and they all start to shed their leaves. I like autumn leaves, but preferably on the trees and not on the ground. I have nothing against shuffling my feet through nice crisp Autumn leaves either, but most days they tend to lie there in a mushy heap and there is fuck all rustle in that. No. I like my trees with leaves on them.

It is also the month when the fucking bangers start. I have nothing against the sound of a distant rifle shot as another tourist goes to meet their ancestors. Nor have I any complaint about the odd rumble when Stoney does a bit of blasting in the quarry. What I do complain about are those fucking aimless bangers that kids let off in ever increasing numbers leading up to Halloween. I can’t see the point in them, other to irritate me and to frighten the shite out of Sandy. It used to be very quiet here bangers-wise, but this year someone has decided to buy a batch and they are letting a few off every night which is putting me in the league of the Majorly Pissed Off. One of these nights I’m going to hunt them down, insert their bangers and teach them the real meaning of A Pain in the Arse.

It is around this time of year that it becomes increasingly difficult to avoid the C word. The full flood of tacky advertising hasn’t started yet, but I have seen them trying to sneak in the odd one for some fucking cheap [but bloody expensive] toy or other, and the push is on for sales of books and music too. Fucking wankers.

October also is the month when the clocks go back. That time when there is no getting away from dark damp evenings. Jayzus but I hate the dark days.

It’s also the month when i have to remember to forget to pay for my television license.

All in all, October is a massive pain in the hole. It is probably the worst fucking month of the year.

A no smoking area

October 10th, 2010

I am very surprised that no one has noticed that I haven’t mentioned smoking in a while.

Not one word.

Not even a letter.

It’s not that I have given up. That will never happen. It’s not that I have grown bored of the subject. That is also outside the realms of the likely.

In fact I have written a piece or two in the last couple of weeks, but you won’t find anything here.

No. You’ll find it here.

The site is [if you'll pardon the rather appropriate word] a joint effort.

I am not going to say who TheZAP is, because she [or he?] enjoys her [or his?] privacy. Suffice it to say that he [or she?] is quite knowledgable on the subject, and I hope that he [or she] will provide plenty of enlightening material in the future.

Anyhow, I just thought I’d let you know.

Facebook is relative

October 9th, 2010

There are a few things in life I just do not understand.

I don’t understand how women’s minds work, but then I don’t thing anyone does, including women.

I don’t understand the offside rule. Nor do I want to.

I don’t understand Facebook.

I have a very reasonable grasp on the Theory of Relativity, but Facebook leaves me baffled.

Many moons ago, I signed up just to see what all the fuss was about. That didn’t really help. All I found was a lot of games and things which not only were somewhat irritating, but they rapidly filled up my Inbox with crap.

I did find one little game that was quite intriguing. I started buying and selling people. I became quite good at it, and by the time I got bored, I was worth a couple of million. Unfortunately, the fuckers wouldn’t cash in my account so that was that.

I never visit Facebook now. However Herself discovered it, and a miraculous change occurred. Whenever she logs in she becomes very quiet and docile, to the extent that I am saving a fortune on her medication. I haven’t a clue what she does in there but why question the miraculous?

Something happened last night. I’m not quite sure what it was, but apparently one of the thingies she plays with on Facebook broke. She blamed me of course. When she had finished blaming me she blamed the computer. She became extremely upset. She acted like she was going cold turkey off heroin. In the end I had to lock her in her shed for the sake and safety of the neighbours. It was not a pretty sight.

This morning, when I let her out, the first thing she did was to check her Facebook. Whatever it was that was broken was obviously fixed again. She sat there with a quiet contented smile on her face, oblivious to the world. I had to remind her to go and put some clothes on.

Facebook is weird. Apparently I have 132 friends, most of whom I have never heard of. Some of them even claim to be relatives. There is a queue of people who have patiently been waiting to be my friend for the last year or so. Even U2 can’t command that level of loyalty?

I’m a bit afraid of it now. Having seen its effect on Herself, it is obviously dangerous stuff.

I think I’ll just stick with the friends I can have a pint with.

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