Felicidades

December 22nd, 2010

Please accept without obligation, either express or implied, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice, celebrated according to the most enjoyable traditions, religious beliefs or secular practices of your choice, with due respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions of any kind at all;

AND

a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures, whose contributions to civilisation are also acknowledged, and without regard to race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious belief, choice of computer platform, or sexual orientation.

Disclaimer

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting the following terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others; is void where prohibited by law; and is revocable at the sole discretion of the originator. This greeting is warranted valid within the standard parameters of well-wishing for a period of one calendar year, or until the issuance of a subsequent greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this greeting or issuance of a new greeting at the sole discretion of the originator,  who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the seasonal holiday spirit.

IMPORTANT: This message is intended for the use of the individual addressee(s) named above and may contain information that is confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons with low self-esteem, no sense of humour or irrational religious beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination, distribution or copying of this message is not authorised (either explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux pas. Unless the word "absquatulation" has been used in its correct context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed in the transmission of this message, although the Jack Russell next door is living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning backwards, so just ignore that Alert Notice from Microsoft. However, by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If you have received this message in error, please note that it was your fault.

20 Responses to “Felicidades”

  1. Bucko UNITED KINGDOMon 22 Dec 2010 at 4:59 pm

    A merry Christmas and a happy New Year to you too ;-)

  2. tt UNITED STATESon 22 Dec 2010 at 5:06 pm

    There went five minutes of my life I won’t get back.

  3. Willie UNITED STATESon 22 Dec 2010 at 5:39 pm

    You made Miss Pat laugh.  Thank you.
    Happy Fucking New Year to you, too.

  4. Brighid UNITED STATESon 22 Dec 2010 at 6:49 pm

    tt  you are too funny,,,

  5. Grandad IRELANDon 22 Dec 2010 at 8:44 pm

    Don’t encourage him, Brighid,

  6. tt UNITED STATESon 22 Dec 2010 at 9:29 pm

    The sun’s shining through the windows, the sky is blue,it’s 56F/13C, the birds are at the feeders, I just got my Viz out of the mailbox, nothing can spoil my good humor mon vieux.  So Felice Navvy Dad.

  7. Cardi UNITED KINGDOMon 22 Dec 2010 at 11:23 pm

    No shit, grandad – had me worried for a while ….

  8. Mick on 23 Dec 2010 at 12:29 am

    Ever thought of working for NAMA GD? They’d pay you about E1m a year for writing up contracts like that!
    Seriously, merry xmas to you and yours, have a great one.

  9. John Mallon IRELANDon 23 Dec 2010 at 1:30 am

    This is typical of you !!

    I’m deeply offended that you managed not to cater for smokers. No mention at all, like we are not there or something. Not even a hint of acknowledgement to this suffering minority.

    It is my attention to draw this ommision to some bozoo in Europe whose sole purpose is to worry the well intentioned.

  10. Grandad IRELANDon 23 Dec 2010 at 4:01 am

    That just goes top show, John.  I am utterly indifferent as to whether my readers are smokers or not.   Now if I were an Anti ……..   ???

  11. Baino AUSTRALIAon 23 Dec 2010 at 10:56 pm

    Nup, gonna eat, drink, get merry, fall down drunk, have a nap and probably do the whole thing over again. Have an awesome Christmas and wishing you and the little woman a very happy New Year.

  12. popeyemoon on 24 Dec 2010 at 3:12 pm

    GD i thought you shot lawyers.

  13. The CIA UNITED STATESon 24 Dec 2010 at 8:08 pm

    Merrry Christmas, Grandad
     
    from all the analysts at Langley

  14. Kirk M UNITED STATESon 25 Dec 2010 at 2:35 am

    I am completely, utterly and without any doubt whatsoever,…overwhelmed.

    Edit: Oh yeah, and a Merry Christmas to you, sir. And that particular holiday greeting is intended solely to you who, I assume, still celebrates, even a little bit, Christmas.
    Kirk M´s last brainfart .. Rotten Computers!

  15. Grandad IRELANDon 25 Dec 2010 at 2:47 am

    And I hope you all have a good one too; wherever and whoever you are…..

  16. tt UNITED STATESon 25 Dec 2010 at 7:06 pm

    Christmas Day 1pm. Merry Christmas Grandad.

  17. Denise Hamlin on 26 Dec 2010 at 6:53 am

    Nicely done Grandad. Way to go!! Kirk got me over here – He sure knows a class act when he sees it!
    It’s almost midnight here, but not too late to wish you a Merry Christmas, you still have Boxing Day to go. Thanks for making me smile.:-)

  18. Grandad IRELANDon 26 Dec 2010 at 4:12 pm

    TT – St Stephen’s Day 3 pm.  And a very Happy New Year to you Sir.

    Welcome, Denise.  Any friend of Kirk’s, etc etc.  I am a wee bit late, so I will just wish you the Seasons Greetings instead?!

  19. stipes on 27 Dec 2010 at 12:30 am

    Grandad I’m disappointed.
    You greeted DH above like a long lost cousin, completely ignoring
    the boxing day jibe.

  20. Grandad IRELANDon 27 Dec 2010 at 3:45 am

    If I want to greet a new visitor, I will.

    If I want to ignore something, I will.

    It’s my fucking site.

    And what’s the jibe in Boxing Day?  I know that’s what some people call it, just as others call it St Stephen’s Day.  Horses for courses.

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