Archive for January, 2011

Shopping my arse

January 14th, 2011

What the fuck is the attraction of shopping?

To me, shopping is a simple process.  You gain cash by some means or other and you keep that cash.  When you want or need something, you go down to the shop and exchange your hard won cash for the goods.  Simple. 

If I feel the need for a pint, I go into the pub, order it, pay my cash and drink it.  Pretty straightforward?  But now ask yourself what the pleasurable part of that transaction is.    Is it the drinking of the pint or is it the paying of the cash?  I would have thought that the answer is pretty obvious.  After all, no one is going to enter a pub simply for the pleasure of parting with cash?

Women, on the other hand seem to enjoy the spending process.  They even coined a hideous phrase for it – “retail therapy”.  They will happily go shopping, not to purchase their needs but to buy fripparies and trinkets that are just going to clutter the place up.  It is the spending that seems to count and not the end result.  That is fucking weird.

What amuses me is that the gubmint skims around a quarter of their salaries in tax, and they bitch loudly about it.  They then go and throw away a goodly chunk of whatever is left!

I had to go up to Dublin today.  What’s worse, I had to go to Dundrum Shopping Centre.  Of all the shopping experiences I have to endure, this one is the pits.  It is a fucking huge place that is crowded and noisy.  It is the stuff of nightmares.  My ideal is to be strolling though the heather with a fresh breeze in my face, so having to endure the noise and the bustle of that horrendous enclosure is sheer torture.  Yet women actually make a point of going there for no other reason that to wander around in the crowds and spend money on rubbish they don’t need.

Women baffle me.

Lost and Found

January 13th, 2011

Once again, we are into a Guest Spot.  Once again, Willie has put pen to paper.

Over to you Willie……….

-oOo-

My Irish grandmother had this belief that if household items came up missing, they had been stolen by the “Wee people -the Leprechauns”. Now, from reading the tourist books, I have learned that one way to piss off the Irish folk is to ask where are the leprechauns? But, please read on, and I will piss off more than just the Irish readers.

Now my dear grandmother said that if we would, at night, put sharp knives on the floor, the Wee Ones would cut their feet and stopped stealing the items. When she drilled this notion into me, she was about my age. I know realize that the “Little People” became the scapegoats for creeping forgetfulness and simple mindedness that creeps its stealthy way into my life.

Here is a list of items that the “Little Green People” regularly steal.

  1. Keys
  2. Wallet
  3. Glasses
  4. Cell phone (thank God, I leave it on so Miss Pat can call it from her phone)
  5. TV remote
  6. The bottle opener (this is a real problem when I face one of those brews with no twist-off top)
  7. My home (coming home from the pub)
  8. Words, like Miss Pat’s name or any of above items
  9. Memory, for things I should remember
  10. My notebook where I have written down what I need to remember
  11. My pen to write down what I should remember
  12. To write down what I need to remember
  13. Miss Pat’s birthday and our anniversary (I really need help with this one)
  14. To take Chile Dog out when her eyes cross
  15. Take a pee in time
  16. Change my undies after I don’t remember above item.
  17. Anything else I should remember to include in this list.

Now , here is what I want to forget- SARA PALIN!

I WANT THE LITTLE PEOPLE TO SNEAK INTO ALASKA, STEAL HER, AND HIDE HER SOME WHERE IN AN UNFOUND HIDE-AWAY IN, LET’S SAY, IRELAND.

To back up my request, what follows is a selection of quotes from Palin. Need I say more?

“As Putin rears his head and comes into the air space of the United States of America, where– where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border.” — Attempting to describe her international qualifications.

“The America I know and love is not one in which my parents or my baby with Down Syndrome will have to stand in front of Obama’s ‘death panel’ so his bureaucrats can decide, based on a subjective judgment of their ‘level of productivity in society,’ whether they are worthy of health care. Such a system is downright evil.” –- In a message posted on Facebook about Obama’s health care plan, Aug. 7, 2009

“All of ‘em, any of ‘em that have been in front of me over all these years.” — Unable to name a single newspaper or magazine she reads, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008

“Well, let’s see. There’s ― of course in the great history of America there have been rulings that there’s never going to be absolute consensus by every American, and there are those issues, again, like Roe v. Wade, where I believe are best held on a state level and addressed there. So, you know, going through the history of America, there would be others but ―” –Unable to name a Supreme Court decision she disagreed with other than Roe vs. Wade, interview with Katie Couric, CBS News, Oct. 1, 2008

“‘Refudiate,’ ‘misunderestimate,’ ‘wee-wee’d up.’ English is a living language. Shakespeare liked to coin new words too. Got to celebrate it!’” –a Tweet sent in response to being ridiculed for inventing the word “refudiate,” proudly mistaking her illiteracy for literary genius, July 18, 2010

“But obviously, we’ve got to stand with our North Korean allies.” — After being asked how she would handle the current hostilities between the two Koreas, interview on Glenn Beck’s radio show, Nov. 24, 2010

“We believe that the best of America is not all in Washington, D.C. … We believe that the best of America is in these small towns that we get to visit, and in these wonderful little pockets of what I call the real America, being here with all of you hard working very patriotic, um, very, um, pro-America areas of this great nation.” — Speaking at a fundraiser in Greensboro, N.C., Oct. 16, 2008

“[T]hey’re in charge of the U.S. Senate so if they want to they can really get in there with the senators and make a lot of good policy changes that will make life better for Brandon and his family and his classroom.” — Getting the vice president’s constitutional role wrong after being asked by a third grader what the vice president does, interview with NBC affiliate KUSA in Colorado, Oct. 21, 2008 (Watch video clip)

“Blood libel” was the term S. Palin used to describe the media commentators who questioned her use of cross-hairs on a map of Democratic lawmakers who she wanted defeated in the last national elections. (01/12/2011)

I rest my case.

Willie

Designer bugs

January 12th, 2011

I have a bit of a bug at the moment.

I mention that because it explains one or two things.  I’m not one of those Mammy’s Boys who whinges about Man Flu or anything like that – I prefer to sit quietly and let the bug try its worst while I  do my best to drown it in whiskey. 

Anyhows, I was sitting here yesterday doing my best to ignore the sweats and aches and I started to mess around with the design of the site.  It was just an idle piece of whimsy to pass the time.  I don’t know whether it was the bug or the whiskey, but I got a couple of files mixed up, and the next thing I knew, part of the new design had crept onto the live site.  It was a messy bit of confusion, so rather than try to sort out the mess, I put the whole new design live, even though there were lots of things I hadn’t tweaked to my satisfaction.

Shortly after that, I feel asleep in my armchair.

I woke a lot later to find that the fucking site was broken.  There were all sorts of things that weren’t working, which didn’t put me into the best of form, but I managed to fix them, and then I went to bed.

I was woken at three this afternoon by Naughty Rita [he’s our Meter Man], but that’s neither here nor there.  I switched on the laptop and took a look at the site to decide whether or not to run with the new design.  It wasn’t too much of a shock, so I think I may leave it there for a while.  After all, the old design must be well over four years old.

So what do you think?  Will I get used to it?  Is it an improvement and what else does it need?

I will leave it in your capable hands.

Mind you…  I don’t half miss those tits.

A question

January 11th, 2011

Hello America!

I have a question for you.

For some time now, I have been puzzled over something and maybe you can clear things up a bit for me?

What in the name of blue blind fuck to you see in Sarah Palin?   How come she is still floating around the country when she should be in a maximum security home for the bewildered?

Maybe it takes someone from beyond your shores to point this out to you, but she is weapons grade insane.  She is several sandwiches short of a picnic.  The lift very definitely does not go to the top floor.  She is loopers, barking or any other term of endearment that applies, yet people still support her.  Why?

I suppose I shouldn’t be too harsh on you, because we have our own mini-Palin here in Ireland.  She is an utter dimwit that has somehow slotted herself into the position of Second In Command.  I swear the only reason our Glorious Leader hasn’t been assassinated by now is that everyone is terrified at the prospect of Mary “Palin” Coughlan being in charge.

Your Palin really takes the biscuit though.  She starts up this Tea Party effort and people support her.  Why?  What the fuck is that all about?  She is starting a new movement on the basis that she has 2,000,000 ‘likes’ in Facebook?  Does that not say something about her?  Do you realise that if she ever got into the White House, she is likely to start a war on the basis of the number of followers she has in Twitter?

I will grant you that she is easy on the eye, and if push came to shove then yes, I probably would, but I would hate myself afterwards.  But is that reason enough to keep voting her in?  I suppose some of you will claim that she is the lesser of two evils, but is she?  You may not agree with Obama, but at least he sounds like he knows what he is talking about. At least he doesn’t go around painting cross-hairs on maps.  At least he isn’t encouraging everyone to take up arms.

I will say one thing.

If she ever does get elected to the White House, I’ll be damned glad of the Atlantic.

I just hope it’s wide enough.

Emails and phonecalls

January 10th, 2011

It’s a strange world.

Since I started this site, I never quite know what is going to turn up in my email thingy.

I had a very chatty email from an Irish company this morning.  They thanked me for my patience, and wondered if I could write back to the with my address and phone number as they wanted to update their records.  This was all well and good, but I had never heard of the fuckers.  They can go whistle.

Then I got another mail from another Irish crowd who are very excited about some video or other that has “gone viral” and they wanted me to write about it.  I had a look at their precious video and all I can say about it is that is fucking woeful!  I haven’t a clue what it was about and didn’t wait ‘til the end to find out.  I have better things to be doing with my time.

I get a lot of requests for links to web sites.  If I haven’t discovered a site off my own bat then it isn’t going to appear on mine, even if they do ask me nicely, which they rarely do.  They also can go fuck themselves.

Sometimes, but not often, I get a mail offering me some product to try and then write about.  What the fuck do they think I am?  “Which” magazine?  I wouldn’t mind if it were a car or tobacco or even a crate or two of whiskey but it is nearly always something fucking useless like incontinence pads or ski-goggles.  They also can wait for a reply that just ain’t going to appear.

Today, yet another mail arrived from a company saying that they had found my site and they liked it [always a good start] and would like to phone me to talk about a documentary they are doing about the older generation.   I actually responded to that one, which [I may add] is very unusual for me.

They phoned me.

As usual, my instincts were correct.

I can think of worse ways of passing a wet Monday afternoon than sitting chatting to a sexy voice on the telephone.

She wants to meet with me too.

Now how am I going to square that with Herself and Sharon?

Life is an endless string of problems.

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