Archive for March 17th, 2011

Paddy’s Day rules

March 17th, 2011

I would consider myself to be reasonably patriotic.

I don’t have a flag hanging out over the Manor.  I don’t scream “God Bless Ireland” at every available opportunity.  I don’t weep when I hear the National Anthem [well, internally I do, but that’s because I think it’s a crap anthem, but that’s neither here nor there].  However, when I am abroad, I am very happy to declare my country of birth, and when anyone disparages my country I tend to get annoyed.

So today is Paddy’s Day when everyone wants to be Irish?

That’s fine by me.  If the nearest you ever got to Ireland is reading this site and you still want to claim an Irish ancestry then that’s fine.  Maybe you would like to then pay your bit towards our debt?  No.  I thought not.

I don’t really care what you do today, provided you follow some basic rules.

I don’t care if you go out to the pub and get hammered. 

I don’t care if you go around shouting “Begorrah and Bejayzus” provided you don’t do it within my earshot.  Incidentally, in over sixty years, I have never heard a true Irishman say “Begorrah and Bejayzus”. I just thought you might like to know that?

I don’t care if you want to wear a bit of garden weed on your person.  The American President has the right idea about this stuff – he is ceremoniously presented with a bowlful of the weed every year, and every year it is unceremoniously destroyed before it even leaves the building.  It has something to do with the import of noxious weeds or something.  Heh!

I don’t care if you go around wishing everyone a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” provided I’m not involved.  If you want to sound like a Hallmark Card on steroids, then that’s your affair.

I begin to get a bit queasy when it comes to face painting.  This is fine if you are a five year old and are at a party but an adult with a multi-coloured face is just cringeworthy.

Where I do draw the line is when we reach leprechaun territory.

Let me make one thing quite clear – there is no such fucking thing as a leprechaun.  To use an image of a little green fucker with a beard and a floppy hat is demeaning and tacky.  And it’s bad enough when people use those images, but when they start wearing large green floppy hats my piss starts to boil.  I hereby promise that any large green floppy hats that I encounter shall be deemed a legitimate target.  If you wear one in my presence, be prepared for a hasty journey to the landfill.

Even thinking about those green hats annoys me.

Fuckit.

I’m off to the pub.