Paddy’s Day rules
Grandad March 17th, 2011
I would consider myself to be reasonably patriotic.
I don’t have a flag hanging out over the Manor. I don’t scream “God Bless Ireland” at every available opportunity. I don’t weep when I hear the National Anthem [well, internally I do, but that’s because I think it’s a crap anthem, but that’s neither here nor there]. However, when I am abroad, I am very happy to declare my country of birth, and when anyone disparages my country I tend to get annoyed.
So today is Paddy’s Day when everyone wants to be Irish?
That’s fine by me. If the nearest you ever got to Ireland is reading this site and you still want to claim an Irish ancestry then that’s fine. Maybe you would like to then pay your bit towards our debt? No. I thought not.
I don’t really care what you do today, provided you follow some basic rules.
I don’t care if you go out to the pub and get hammered.
I don’t care if you go around shouting “Begorrah and Bejayzus” provided you don’t do it within my earshot. Incidentally, in over sixty years, I have never heard a true Irishman say “Begorrah and Bejayzus”. I just thought you might like to know that?
I don’t care if you want to wear a bit of garden weed on your person. The American President has the right idea about this stuff – he is ceremoniously presented with a bowlful of the weed every year, and every year it is unceremoniously destroyed before it even leaves the building. It has something to do with the import of noxious weeds or something. Heh!
I don’t care if you go around wishing everyone a “Happy St. Patrick’s Day” provided I’m not involved. If you want to sound like a Hallmark Card on steroids, then that’s your affair.
I begin to get a bit queasy when it comes to face painting. This is fine if you are a five year old and are at a party but an adult with a multi-coloured face is just cringeworthy.
Where I do draw the line is when we reach leprechaun territory.
Let me make one thing quite clear – there is no such fucking thing as a leprechaun. To use an image of a little green fucker with a beard and a floppy hat is demeaning and tacky. And it’s bad enough when people use those images, but when they start wearing large green floppy hats my piss starts to boil. I hereby promise that any large green floppy hats that I encounter shall be deemed a legitimate target. If you wear one in my presence, be prepared for a hasty journey to the landfill.
Even thinking about those green hats annoys me.
Fuckit.
I’m off to the pub.
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I’ll bet there’s a few green hats on Irish heads this Saturday so happy hunting.
HAPPY SAINT PADDY’S DAY !!
You mean Disney lied to us? Leprechauns aren’t really real? [sniff]
I’ve news for you ol sod…the ex is a wonderful black irish, french leprechaun. He’ll be wearing a big green hat when he gets to your door…
aww the fluff with it i say..don’t suit green irish in me or no i’m not doing it, but drink? hell yea
Bill – There is no statute of limitations on green felt hats. The only problem with them is that they are too visible. Where’s the sport?
TT – Thanks. You are as reliable as my Dad’s old watch.
Kirk M – I had better not mention Santa and the Tooth Fairy then?
Brighid – And he will get a nice [very] warm Irish welcome.
Cat – I’ll drink to that. Slainte.
Oh, I’m going to the bar tonight (with the Celtic FC scarf on), but that’s only because it’s my normal Thursday routine. The scarf’s coming because Florida is a bit nippy right now.
Like always, I’ll sit on my stool, rip cigs, and drink cheap beer. I might sing a little a little more than usual . . .
I’m a good internet friend of grannymar, & I spent 5 weeks in Ireland, so that makes me part Irish.
We visit Ireland about every two years. About 4 years ago we were at the St Patrick’s Day parade in Sligo and then went to a B&B in Belderg, a small village in Mayo at a crossroads with a church, petrol station, a
grocery store / pub, and little else. The after-mass celebration of local families in the pub was over by the time we arrived but the owners of the B&B took us to the pub where we were introduced to the tradition of buying rounds. I had seven pints, each better than the one before. My wife, who does not drink, was included in every round and ended up with seven candy bars. That was the one St Patrick’s Day I will never forget.
We will remember you in our toasts this evening, Grandad.
Wow! Three welcomes for three newcomers!
Joseph – If you are reading this and are still in the pub, tell the barman that I said you are to have a round “on the house”. It’s the least I can do on this auspicious occasion.
BikeHikeBabe [?!] – Any friend of Grannymars…. etc. So you are part Irish? Which part may I ask?
John – That wouldn’t be Belderrig just beyond Kilalla by any chance? A grand part of the old country. I have one bad bit of news for you – it can’t have been that good a day if you can remember it?
Hi Grandad ~ It’s a big puzzle to me what the huge deal is about St. Paddy’s Day in the States. Department stores and supermarkets are both stocked to the hilt right after Valentine’s Day. There’s more fuss about this than Cinco de Mayo! Beats me why that is. I’m Welsh of course so you’re not going to find me celebrating it anyway and I wouldn’t be seen dead in a floppy green hat so I don’t need to be worried about being dragged off to the dump!
Oh God, Sorry!! I sent the daughter-in law, who IS Irish, one of those ecards and I think it had a leprechaun running about on it! Of course I only THINK it was a leprechaun as everything except its legs were hidden under the green hat!!
I think I’m probably about to be banned by Grandad.
Well said about the multitude of good-for-nothing, waste-of-space fucking gobshites who wear those awful hats. I’m Irish and quite proud of that, but when I see people like that, I enter my ‘torture them’ mode. I don’t believe killing and dumping them is the answer. It has to be beaten into them using a hurley spiked with rusted and poisoned (preferably the most uncomfortable STDs) nails. Even if they do recover, then they should be made to suffer for a long time.
Mummy and Daddy are Irish so I think I’m Irish too. I’m looking for a boyfriend so I thought this site might be a good place. I heard there’s something called making love but I’m not sure what that means.
Hates – stupid Guinness hats (though the product they’re advertising is fine)
But c’mon – of course leprechauns exist – wasn’t there one caught in Carlingford a while back. They have the clothes in a case on the wall in PJs bar as proof.
So THAT’s what happened to my sons hat, lol! I have been telling him of for standing too near negligent smokers at the parade but its obviously peppered with gunshot!
Denise – It baffles me too. I saw a thing yesterday where the Brits were bitching about not having a St George’s Day on the same scale. I suppose it’s just that nobody loves the Brits?
Meltemian – I’ll let you off this time, but don’t do it again. OK?
Pete – In fairness, I don’t so much blame the people who wear them [well, actually I do] so much as the bastards who sell ‘em. I was watching the news last night and they showed spectators wearing shamrock ‘spectacles’ Fuck! Talk about making a spectacle of oneself?
Gatl – You are more than welcome here, BUT……… I don’t think you’ll find a boyfriend here. If, on the other hand you fancy something with a little more maturity? [*cough*]. As for ‘making love’, I would suggest you ask Mummy or Daddy.
BWT – Sorry. Don’t believe you. Now, if they had a leprechaun nailed to the wall in PJ’s, I might think differently.
Motherdear – Please don’t blame me for your son’s hat. If it had been me, I wouldn’t have missed. Someone was aiming too high. Heh!
Dear Sir;
I beg to differ with you. THERE ARE FUCKING LEPRECHAUNS.
Last night in the pub I had a lovely conversation with one under the table.
We had an agreement that if we were to survive St Patricks Day, we would meet up underneath the same table for Canada Day.
Dear Cranky,
You have my sympathies. To be stuck under a table with a leprechaun is bad enough, but if he is one who likes to fuck, then you really are in the shits. I’m glad though that the two of you have not lost any respect for each other, as so often happens, and wish the pair of you all happiness for the future.
GD
PS, I hope you took precautions?
Leprechauns never used wear green (one of the ancient colours of Scotland) either.
It used be yellow shirt, red waistcoat and black trousers.
The Leprechauns greatest trick is that when you meet 1 they hypnotize you into believing that they don’t exist – only those that believe they don’t exist are the ones who’ve actually met a Leprechaun
So think back Grandad into the dark recesses of your mind and you might remember your encounter