Spring has sprung
Grandad March 22nd, 2011
I received a letter from my ex-employers the other day.
The letter contained a form that I had to fill in to prove that I am alive.
Why are they writing to me if they think I’m dead? Fucking idiots.
Anyhow, I was about to sign it when I noticed that I had to have the signature witness by a Garda. Now the signature is no problem. I am getting damned good at forging my own signature and have reached the stage where it is almost indistinguishable from the original. Getting a Garda to witness it could pose a problem though, as Sheriff can be an awkward bugger to find when you need him.
I had to go down to the village this morning, so just on the off-chance, I called into the Garda station. As luck would have it, there was Sheriff having a quiet smoke and a read of the paper.
I showed him the form and asked him to put his X at the bottom of it. He refused. I asked why. He said that he never put his signature to anything unless he was ‘in possession of all the relevant data’. Sheriff can be a right bollix sometimes. I asked him what the fuck he was on about and he replied that he couldn’t sign it as he didn’t have conclusive proof that I was alive. I told him that that was fine by me, because if I were dead, he wouldn’t be getting any of the pints I owed him.
He signed the form.
On the way to post off the form, a car with German registration plates pulled up beside me. The driver wanted to know the way back to the main road as he wanted to get to Dublin. I sent him up the Bog Road to the mountain tops.
My first tourist of the season.
Spring is definitely in the air.
- Around the village , Tourists
- Comments(10)
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I don’t have a signature since I’m just a cartoon person. I don’t have a social security number either. It’s nice. No income tax.
Hi,
I followed your directions up to the mountain tops via the bog road. If you don’t come and rescue me I shall yodel until the Garda get here!
Regards
A German tourist!
Gail – But you can’t claim benefits or back tax either? And a bureaucrat could do you some very nasty damage with an eraser?
Ivar – I’m a bit busy at the moment. Just drive north and turn left at the second junction. If you see a sign saying “Danger – Quarry ahead – No through road”, just ignore it. It was put there by mistake. Heh!
Thank you, GD. I have donated my Irish tour books to our local library. I will attach a note, suggesting that the new, proud owners not read your awarding winning blog.
Willie – If you have given away your tour books, then you will have to rely on the locals here for directions. Good choice!
what the buggary, dang sherrif ..good you owed him..and piss of work ..why do they care you’re gone already.
should have showed up for a work day form tucked to whip out…pissants
Never believe the tour books.
I cant see your book in my local bookshop – where can I get my grubby mits on a copy?
It seems to be a bit of a collectors item now. As far as I know, Amazon.com still have it in stock.
That get-a-garda-to-sign-your-passport-application always left me feeling smug. Us northerners were considered so honest there was no need for us to have a local police officer countersign the form.
I’m sure that was it.
Unless they had something against the RUC in those days.
Wonder what the situation is nowadays? Still don’t need a Garda nor a PSNI (if they are involved) cos I’m now ET – extra-territorial.