Goatus interruptus
Grandad April 23rd, 2011
I had myself a bit of a lie in this morning.
Actually, I have a bit of a lie in most mornings.
Oh all right then, I have a bit of a lie in every morning simply because I can.
Anyway, that is all beside the point.
I was fast asleep and dreaming beautiful dreams when I was woken by the door bell. Who the hell would be ringing my doorbell of a Saturday morning? I had brief hopes that maybe it was a private detective who had tracked me down to tell me that some distant cousin had died and left me a couple of billion. Or maybe a neighbour had run out of sugar and wanted a cupful. Leastwise I threw on my dressing gown and opened the front door.
The first thing I saw was a bible. Seconds later, I realised that there was a man there too, holding the said bible and he had a young boy with him. The man started waffling off some spiel or other about Easter and glad tidings or some shite like that. I didn’t listen. I was already too busy working out how to get rid of them.
My first thought was to give out to them, telling them that they had interrupted my prayers to the Lord Lucifer and that because of their interruption, they had spoiled the goat sacrifice.
Then I pondered the notion of hiving them one of my biblical quotes – “get thee from my dominion lest I smite thee with great fires from the heavens” or some shit like that.
However, I was still half asleep so I didn’t bother with either of those. The bloke was still rabbiting on about his Great Message. He had that bland look on his face that you see only on the simple minded and God Botherers. He was bothering me. So I just told the pair of them to fuck off, and then I set the dog on them.
Have these people nothing better to do of a Saturday afternoon?
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…spoiled the goat sacrifice
mwah ha ha haha
This one-liner works for me. “Excuse me while I find my pepper spray.”
Personally, I find the direct approach works best. You can’t beat a dog’s fangs.
What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness and a Biker? …….. Someone who calls to the door an tells YOU to fuck off!!
Ah – I found the solution to doorstep Mormons etc.
I had my nephew (who is gay) and his partner staying for a few days and my nephew answered the door to one of them while we were out.
After the usual verbal to-ing and fro-ing my nephew delivered the ‘coup-de-gras’
“My name is …….Levi and I’m a homosexual. I think you’re wasting your time”
The reply was “You’re a gay Jew?? I don’t think I can help you!”
Funnily enough we never had any more visits after that……….
Καλο Πασχα by the way. Happy Easter.
Now I’m officially sorry. We’ve exported Pepsi, fast food, Lady Gaga and now . . . door to door evangelicals?
On behalf of the American Public, lo siento para el evangélico, los odiamos también, especialmente los mormones.