Good luck Jedward
Grandad May 12th, 2011
There is one thing you have to admit about the Irish – when we do something, we do it really well.
Our latest world class expertise is the ability to humiliate ourselves in public.
However, if you think our performance in Europe was good, where we went with a begging bowl in one hand and our ankles in the other, then you ain’t seen nothing yet. We are about to play our ace card.
Tonight is the second semi-final of the Eurovision Song Contest, and Ireland is up there with its entry -
Jedward!
For those of you who are fortunate enough never to have heard of Jedward then let me enlighten you.
The Grimes twins are a pair who were ceremoniously voted out of the X-Factor. They didn’t win, probably because they are utterly talentless even by X-Factor standards. Their only claim to uniqueness is their hair which they comb so that they look like a pair of ice-cream cornets. That hair is just begging to be attacked with a pair of scissors. Or a chainsaw.
Tonight they will be singing a song called [I think] Lipstick. I have heard the ‘song’ a couple of times and somehow I have survived with my sanity intact, or reasonably so. It is basically a meaningless, trite tuneless thumping beat which means it stands a good chance of winning. It has the unfortunate effect of lingering in your head after hearing it, so you have been warned. It is about as infectious and irritating as a dose of herpes.
There has been some debate about the boys’ sexuality. I have nothing against homosexuality [and I mean that literally as well as figuratively] but I do draw the line at screaming queens on television, and boy do those two scream! They claim they aren’t ‘gay’ and I believe them. I also believe that Graham Norton And Boy George are up there with Arnold Schwarzenegger and Chuck Norris.
Unfortunately they appear the odd time on television, and that is quite an endurance test. They tend to screech in a monotonous monotone, and like every like second like word like is like. Like. They also preface every sentence with ‘Oh My Gawd’ and also frequently throw in a ‘coowel’ [‘cool’ to you and me]. In other words, they have almost reached cult status as parodies of modern yoof.
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Of course, that’s just my opinion.
I won’t be watching tonight.
However I have placed a large bet on them winning.
Either way I’ll be happy.
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- Comments(19)
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I’m so glad they’re your entry.
Thanks very fucking much……
I would think Ireland, with all the great talent, could do better. Where have all the tenors gone? And, please help us poor Yankies as Simon C. brings X-Factor do the States, via Fox. (barf)
They’re so awful even the Gays won’t claim them.
It could be worse though at least “Crystal Swing” aren’t representing us
Twins you say ? So, incestuous homosexuality ? Irish are they ?
I can honestly say that thus far I have managed to avoid ever seeing these two douche bags perform anywhere.
The pictures of them are bad enough so I think I’ll keep it that way.
I just googled these two fucktarts. You Irish folks must be so proud.
Willie – Ireland has a lot of talent, which is one reason why the X-Factor steers clear. Shit! Why do ‘talent’ and ‘X-Factor’ keep appearing in the same sentence? That is weird.
Dessiegee – I would almost prefer Crystal Swing, and that is really saying something.
TT – Twins indeed. As for their origins, I have heard rumours about pentagrams and goat’s blood being involved.
Mossy – You lucky bastard. I have managed to avoid the majority of their screechings, but I suppose I have to listen to a tiny bit, otherwise i wouldn’t know what I am writing about. The things we do in the name of research……..
Willie – For about three microseconds I thought about putting a YouTube thingy as an illustration of their awfulness, but I decided I had much too much respect for my readers. I don’t want to be held responsible for any nervous breakdowns.
Just when you though it could not get any worse the Eurovision and Grimes twins.
Feeling very lucky right now Grandad. One of the great fortunes of living in the US is that we don’t get subjected to the Eurovision “Song” Contest.
PS. Thanks for resisting the urge to post a clip. I will also resist the urge to Google them.:-)
Peacock – It could get worse. They could win.
Denise – I wouldn’t dream of inflicting a video of them on you, but it should be safe enough if you just Google for an image. To be on the safe side, you should disconnect your computer’s speakers first, and wear ear-muffs.
These (whatever they are) should have been put down at birth!!! How stupid has society become ?
The Eurovision Song Contest is the greatest load of auld shite. Talentless failures in the world of real music. How can so many millions of people get so fucking worked up about this crap Euro trash.
The only ones, loath though I am to say it, to make any mega money from it were ABBA.
They were shite too.
I will say though, on this side of the pond we have just as many talentless fuckwits as the Merkins.
Dana International is on now…..Jasus, I’d Giver one. Surgeon did a fucking great job. I must get his number.
Shite song though.
The other set of twins are far easier on the eye than those two gobshites: http://www.twiinsmusic.com/photos/
I think I will have to emigrate to America. There is no other way I can escape Jedward. I thought I was safe going to the pub last night, but there was a few gobshites who wanted to watch the Eurovision crap
I consider myself lucky that I don’t have a TV.
Cardi – A little harsh? I presume their mother loves them? There again……….
Slab – Dana International? Jayzus but you’re kinky.
Pete – Now that is more like it. I wonder if they are up for a Twin Sandwich? I’m game.
Peter – On nights like Eurovision Night, if you are heading for the pub it is essential that you bring a remote control or two. Apart from getting a little peace and quiet, it’s great entertainment watching them try to find the ‘fault’.
David – I would agree but for one thing – I’d miss my Sharon reading the news. I have to have that.