Deadly outbreak of hysteria
Grandad June 6th, 2011
What the fuck is all this hype about E Coli?
When the outbreak first occurred, we had a frantic message from The WHO screaming about a ‘deadly’ new strain of the virus. Now EU ministers are meeting to discuss the ‘lethal’ outbreak.
Now ‘lethal’ and ‘deadly’ to me are words that would imply that it’s a case of ‘one touch and you’re fucked’. Both words leave little to chance. They are as uncompromising as sharing a bath with a plugged in toaster, yet they give out figures that say that 2,000 have fallen prey to the virus but only 22 have died? Now I have every sympathy for the families of the victims, but taking a dispassionate look at the figures hardly indicates a deadly or lethal outbreak? You catch the bug, you have a 99% chance of survival. That sounds like pretty good odds to me?
And why are they having such difficulty finding the source? Surely a simple interview with the 2,000 victims should throw up something, if you’ll pardon the expression? So far they have decimated the Spanish cucumber crop and caused near riots by the Spanish farmers. Then they left a poor restauranteur in Northern Germany in a state of bewilderment having accused him of poisoning half the world. Then they decided it was beansprouts. There is something beautifully ironic about that, as beansprouts must epitomise the very definition of ‘healthy eating’.
Surely the simplest way to put this story to bed for once and for all is to make sure that beansprouts are the only item on the menu at EU headquarters?
Just tell ‘em it’s part of a ‘healthy eating’ drive.
Heh!
Subscribe to audio
Beansprouts and cucumber sandwiches – that would cure the cunts.
Might poison half of Germany first though – that WOULD be good !!
And they would all die healthy. What more could they ask for?
I recommend a copy of “Tickling the English” by Dara O’Briain (Penguin 2010.)
I recon they are putting out so much shite, that they are poisoning themselves.
How unlucky is my sister? She hasn’t had sex with men for years in case of catching a disease……
She has just caught e-coli….off a cucumber.
Disgusting….
Oh, I don’t know…….? Interesting mental picture?
It’s Burger King’s revenge for mad cow disease.