Harnessing the dog
Grandad July 13th, 2011
I went shopping yesterday.
Sandy came too. In fact she drove to the shops as the warm weather was making me sleepy.
Normally, when we get to the shops I get out and Sandy stays in the driver’s seat. She is very proud of that seat and will sit there huffing at people as they pass by, Quite often she draws a small crowd – “Ah! Would ya look at the dog! It thinks it can drive.” This pisses Sandy off mightily and quite often she will run those people over on the way home.
Anyhows, Sandy usually only comes with me when I am going to the coffee shop.This time was different. I had decided to buy her a safety harness as she has this habit of smacking her nose off the dashboard whenever I stop suddenly or run into someone. Naturally I had to buy her one that fitted, and that meant bringing her into the shop with me. Unfortunately she got the idea from somewhere that she was at the vet so she wasn’t very cooperative.
After several fittings, we found a harness that fitted her perfectly. Then I saw that the shop also sold those poo-gathering yokes. It occurred to me that one of those might be handy in France as we shall be staying in rented accommodation and it don’t want to leave it full of crap. I’m thoughtful like that. There were two types of poo-gatherer – a short handled version and a long handled version. I asked Sandy which one she preferred and she said that quite honestly she didn’t give a shite either way. I bought the short handled one.
Before heading home, I put Sandy’s new harness on. I had to drive as she now couldn’t reach the pedals. She sat there looking rather annoyed as I drove home.
On the way, I decided to test the harness. There was no point in just jamming on the breaks, as I knew Sandy would just brace herself. So just to catch her on the hop I ran into the back of an old biddy in a Fiat Punto. The harness worked perfectly, which is more than can be said about the Punto’s rear bumper.
Sandy has become very attached to the harness now and insists on wearing it all the time.
She is already muttering about going back to the shop for matching accessories.
She can fuck off.
Typical bloody woman!
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