Grandad October 31st, 2011
I don’t really object to Halloween.
I don’t mind the local kids calling around so long as they don’t mind if I throw rocks at them.
It actually amuses me that for 364 days a year their parents presumably tell ‘em not to accept sweets from strangers and then at Halloween actively encourage ‘em to do exactly the opposite. Elf and Safety should have something to say about that?!
What I do object to is the television leading up to the day. For some reason I cannot fathom, television stations all seem to think that I am some kind of moronic idiot who is obsessed with Halloween. For the last couple of weeks nearly every fucking film has been ‘themed’ and all I get to watch is films about fucking zombies and the like “to get me into the mood for Halloween”. They have gotten me into a mood all right , but not quite the mood I imagine they expected.
And even more amazing is the number of advertisements that are also themed. Herself was watching something last night and there was one advertisement in particular that cropped up at every break. It was an advertisement for some fucking sofa company and all we got to see were some tacky sofa surrounded by cobwebs, pumpkins and witches. Do they really seriously think that I am going to lash off down the road to buy a sofa just because there are cobwebs all around it? Fucking idiots.
The only thing I don’t like on Halloween itself is the bangers. They frighten the shite out of our Sandy, and that is not good. It’s strange that gunfire doesn’t bother her at all, but fireworks reduce her to a quivering mess.
I think we’ll be OK this Halloween though.
It is pissing down outside.
Fireworks ain’t much good if they are sopping wet.
Heh!
Grandad October 30th, 2011
This time change business really pisses me off.
They come along in Spring when the days are full of promise for warmer times ahead and when nature is at its best and they rob an hour off me. Without so much as a please or thank you, that hour is gone.
Then in Autumn when days are getting short and the weather ain’t at its best, they come along and give the hour back again. I don’t want an extra hour of Autumn and I resent having to lose an hour of Spring.
I see there is talk of getting rid of all this faffing about. The Brits are talking about making it Summer Time all the year round. [Now if they could make it Summer all the year round, that would be brilliant?] They say they are happy to do that if Scotland agrees. No mention of Ireland, I note? Of course it has fuck all to do with the Scots, as the Brits will find out. It will depend entirely on whether Brussels agrees or not. How long, I wonder will it be before we are all working off EUST [European Standard Time]?
Of course the Brits have one ace card up their sleeve. All they have to do is turn Greenwich Observatory into a car park and the whole world is fucked through a lack of basic reference. Time would go into free-fall just like the Euro.
Of course I now have to go around the Manor and change all the little yokes that keep time. God be with the days when we only had clocks to worry about. Now just about everything has a little built in clock somewhere. A right pain in the hole.
In all probability I will waste the entire hour I have just been given, going around resetting everything.
And it will be getting dark in the afternoon instead of late evening.
I fucking HATE that.
Grandad October 29th, 2011
My “Technical advisor” [Hah! Nerd is more like it] has asked me to write something for him.
He has rightly fucked up his own site that used to be theotherfellow.com. He has moved it to apipeandakeyboard.com but has somehow screwed things up [as only he can do] so that the old address won’t work at all.
He has asked me to ask any of you lot who visit his site to change the address if you have it bookmarked. I told him it was a waste of time and that he would be better off letting the site die a natural and humane death. I also pointed out the the new name was far to long, but would he listen? Would he fuck!
Anyway, I have passed on the message. I have earned my three pints.
I drive a hard bargain.
Heh!
Grandad October 28th, 2011
It looks like the little Baldy Bollix has had his comeuppance.
A week ago he had an apparently unassailable lead in the presidential race. He was miles ahead and I don’t think anyone would have given the others a chance.
Then came the revelations about his close ties to Fianna Fail, the brown envelope culture and dodgy business deals. Talk about being shot down in flames!
From the start, I had no clear favourite. I worked on a reverse order principle – eliminating the worst and voting for the survivor. On that basis, Higgins was my choice as being the least bad candidate.
A small part of me would have liked to have seen Gallaher elected though. That way he would remain in the spotlight and would probably have to face impeachment. That would have been great craic. As it is, the little shit will hopefully just vanish into obscurity, where he belongs.
A good day for Ireland?
I dunno about that.
Let’s just say it’s not a bad day.
Grandad October 27th, 2011
A few days ago I came across another ‘study’.
“Two fizzy drinks a week can make youngsters more violent”
There are several things that strike me about this ‘study’.
For a start it is patently a load of utter bollox. I have known a lot of fizzy drink drinkers in my time, and have joined their ranks and consumed more than my fair share many times. Yet not one [including myself] has suddenly become violent. They go so far as to state that “close to half of teenagers who drank 14 or more cans of soft drinks a week carried a gun or knife.” That is so patently absurd as to be laughable. They might as well say that half of all left-handed people will turn out to be serial rapists. It is utter nonsense, yet it is emanating from “experts”.
The sad thing about this “study” is that a great many people will actually believe it. They will scan the article and gasp in horror. Without giving it any further thought, they will accept it as fact because experts in a university have said so and therefore it must be true. They next time they see some kid slurping out of a can of Coca Cola, they will recoil in horror, convinced they are about to be shot or stabbed. They will avoid the drinks aisles in the supermarkets and disinherit their own children if they ever so much as look at a can of Fanta.
What made them do this “study” I ask? The answer is simple. This is yet another link in the chain towards demonising sugar in the great anti-obesity fight. We are going to see a hell of a lot more of these “studies” in the near future, each one producing more ridiculous scares than the previous one. What’s the betting that there will be “proof” that sitting near a fizzy drink drinker will increase your chances of dying from cancer a hundredfold? How soon will we hear all about third hand obesity [Don’t ask me what it is – it hasn’t been invented yet]?
Of course, now that it has appeared in print, it is equally cast in stone. The science is proven. There is no such thing as a safe level of sugar. A person can suffer a heart attack just from watching a can of fizzy orange for more than thirty seconds. Even seeing a can on a shelf in a shop will cause 50% of people to rush out and buy a gun.
Do you think I am exaggerating?
Do you think I am being sarcastic?
Hah!
Just look at the unbelievable claims they make about tobacco.
It’s starting all over again.
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