Short and sweet
Grandad October 1st, 2011
The phone rang just now.
I checked the display as always and it told me the number was “withheld”. Those calls always put me on full alert.
Sure enough, it was some Asian fucker inquiring whether I had a computer.
Of course I knew straight away what this was – the scam of talking me through fixing a non-existent problem that sooner or later would either involve hard cash or a compromised computer.
I gave him a bit of a lecture. I told him that he was exploiting the innocent and that he really shouldn’t do it. I told him that telling porkies about computers being faulty was only going to worry the old and vulnerable. I told him that there was nothing wrong with my computer and that his information was in any case incorrect as I was using Linux and that his little “fixes” wouldn’t work. I told him that he should really mend the errors of his ways and that he should get himself an honest job.
Actually I didn’t say any of that.
I had more than a sneaking suspicion that he has used some kind of callback device and that I was paying for the call.
So I just told him to go fuck himself, before slamming down the phone.
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Try talking to them in pidgin Irish sometime. It drives ‘em nuts! “Is maith liom uachtar reoite, ta mo thoin dearg, beigh me air ais tamaill eile!!” Then don’t hang up, just leave the phone to one side and ramble away!
Aha! But suppose they did use some kind of callback device? Could be expensive?
Remember when you had to ask the operator to ring the required number to see if they would accept a “reversed charge call”, me neither, but I remember it happening a lot on cinema screens.
The only time I used a phone as a kid was the big blue police phone normally found at strategic points around the town.
We would open the little blue door door, wait for the operator to speak and then yell swear words at the top of our voices, slam the door and run like fuck.
Oh! the impetuousitiness of yuff.
Impetuosity.
I had one of these calls a week or so back. An obviously indo-pak woman’s voice asking me whether I had a computer. I turned it round and asked whether she had a c*nt. She hung up!
excellent response
Conabobuficational
Patrick – Not only do I remember reverse charge calls, but I remember having to crank the handle on a phone to call the operator to put me through to Dublin! I also remember the damned operator interrupting trunk calls to remind me that the three minutes were nearly up! And you made that word up. Admit it.
Sean – Brevity of speech is often the most effective?
People have products that they would like you to buy from them. These products are advertised through phones, TV, computers, billboards, etc. This commerce is a common way that people socialize with each other. If you can’t tollerate this common socializing, lock yourself up in a padded cell somewhere.
When I get these calls, I do not get hysterical. I explain that I am not interested in their product; but, I am a lonely old man who would love to hear their sales pitch. That ends the conversation without hysteria.
Oh I LOVE wasting their time! I get about one every other month from them – if I have the time, i play along nicely pretending to be clicking this and clicking that.. but acting oh so DUMB! Their patience is remarkable (haha) if they think they are getting somewhere.
When I have had enough I usually say, oh no, its just switched itself off again - takes ages to reboot! They always arrange a call back another day.
And no, Grandad, I dont pay for the call as I have an internet/phone package where I have to “top up” my landline as I would a mobile phone – and they have often called while I have had no credit on it and i have still managed to waste loads of their time!
Ramrod – People who want to advertise have no right whatsoever to use my private telephone number. That is a gross invasion of my privacy and I reserve the right to abuse any such caller in any way I see fit. Normally I just tell them that I don’t appreciate cold calls but in the case above the caller was involved in a scam to defraud me. In such cases, all bets are off.
Motherdear – I have on occasion played along with them, but in this case my suspicions were aroused by the sequence of sound connecting the call. When I picked up the phone there was silence on the other end. I said something and immediately there was a continental style ringtone before the caller spoke. What’s more, he responded as if he was the recipient of the call.
That is certainly wierd! I would have done exactlly what you did then! Its a crying shame they cant all be arrested! If we common citizens know what is going on – how come the powers that be cant do anything about it? Grrr
“Arrested” by “the powers that be”; it sounds like you folks need more government intervention than I do. Be sure to notify your favorite nanny about your needs.
Ramrod – I don’t need any gubmint interference. I am quite happy to castrate any fucking scam artists I come across, and I don’t need any help. Thanks for the suggestion though.
I can’t understand why you picked the phone up. Nothing good ever comes of picking the phone up to a ‘withheld’ number.
Would you answer the door to a man wearing a balaclava?
Ciaran – A friend’s phone shows “withheld” for some strange reason. Can I take the risk?