Archive for November 29th, 2011

Another financial crisis

November 29th, 2011

I have a bank account with Ulster Bank.

While offshore accounts have their advantages, I need a local account for such mundane things as paying bills, and Ulster suits my purposes.

I have had a reasonably good relationship with them for the thirty or so years I have been with them, apart from one period when I had a right little cunt of a manager, but that’s another story and he is long gone now.

I received a letter from them a couple of weeks ago.  My Mastercard apparently has lost its Triple A rating.  I don’t know if it was Standard and Poors or Moody’s that downgraded me but I was flattered to think I was up there with the worst.  Leastwise I could now only overdraw to €500.  That didn’t bother me as I rarely use the card and pay it off each month.  I only really use it for Interweb transactions.

I got a letter from them yesterday.

Please contact my office urgently at 01 7025257 to discuss your account.

Fair enough.  It was urgent so after I got up this morning, I only had a couple of mugs of tea before phoning them.  Urgent does after all mean urgent. 

I dialled the number.  I got one of those horrendous systems where a recorded voice tries to steer me through a fucking “Press 1 for whatever” system.  One of the first things she wanted to know was my card number.  Have you ever tried typing a credit card number into a phone keypad?  It’s not easy and on the fifth attempt I got through.  More menu options.  Fuck!

To cut a long story short, I went thorough all the options that might possibly lead to a chat with a bit of flesh and blood, but there was no way the system was going to allow that.  I hung up.

That word “urgent” was still at the forefront of my mind so I phoned the number on the letterhead.  I was asked by a recorded voice to hold until someone was available.  Fair enough. I waited.  Then it started rabbiting on about “if you talk to one of our representatives the call may be recorded”.  If?  What do they mean – if?  It transpired that they weren’t kidding.  They hung up on me before I could get to speak to anyone. 

So…..

If there is anyone out there from Ulster Bank, could you please contact my office urgently?

At least I will have the courtesy to abuse you in person.