Grandad February 22nd, 2012
There has been a noticeable trend on this site lately.
Once upon a time, back in the dim distant days of history this site was visited by a moxy load of Irish. That’s not really surprising as this is an Irish site. However that changed after a while. To my horror I realised a load of Merkans were dropping in to the extent that there were more of them than the Irish. They remained top dog for a very long time,
In the last year or two there has been another phenomenon – the rise of the Brits. More and more of ‘em were dropping by and they successfully nudged Ireland into third place. Lately they have even been overtaking the Merkans.
There are quite a few advantages to this. The main advantage is that the Brits have a better idea than the Merkans how to spell. I’m not saying that the Brits are perfect but at least they know which side a fanny is on and and how “colour” should be spelt.
Some years ago I made an attempt to teach the Merkans a drop of grammar and spelling but they were too busy bombing Iraq at the time to take any notice. I gave up on that one.
Of course I have to be a tad more careful now with my little scribbles. I have the whole of the Atlantic between me and Merka which makes a physical attack less likely. However the Irish Sea is a good deal narrower, and a riled Brit could land on my doorstep within an hour or two of my posting something that annoyed them.
As for the Irish? My Irish visitors have been dropping off faster than Greece’s credit rating. They are currently in danger of being overtaken by Canada and Cambodia. Cambodia, for fuck’s sake!
So that’s where all the Irish are emigrating to?
Grandad February 21st, 2012
Nowadays, everything seems to have to have a label or a cause.
That kid at the back of the class who spends his time disrupting things isn’t just a badly behaved little shit who needs some hard discipline. Oh no. He has some kind of Attention Deficit Disorder.
That boss who makes you life a misery isn’t a snide little bollix. Oh no. He suffers from a Personality Syndrome.
The latest “research” to emerge from the University of Useless Rubbish is that apparently gamblers don’t gamble because they want to make a few bob. No. They gamble because of a chemical. I’m not talking about your average gambling addict here. He has his own well defined syndrome. I’m talking about the professional assholes who gamble by trading on the stock market. Your average trader isn’t buying and selling to make a profit. He is buying and selling shares because he has “a chemical”. Apparently, this chemical removes the fear of risk taking.
Of course the modern Philosopher’s Stone would be some kind of chemical that makes us all take risks. They can then invent some kind of antidote so that no one will ever take a risk again.
Think about it. Put that antidote in the world’s water supplies and you have the ultimate Nanny. No more smoking [much too risky]. No more salt, fat or sugar [My God! The dangers we can find there!]. No more driving above twenty miles an hour [Speed is Dangerous]. In fact, no more doing anything the Nanny States don’t want us to do. All they have to do is make a simple announcement [Anti-EU talk causes cancer] and the world would meekly comply.
Don’t laugh.
We are damn near there right now.
Grandad February 20th, 2012
You have to feel sorry for our politicians.
Here they are with their massive salaries and even bigger allowances, trying to avoid doing anything which may actually be seen as constructive, and what happens? They are actually given work to do. Yes – emails keep arriving in their inboxes.
The greatest burden in a politician’s life is his constituents. They keep annoying him with petty complaints about such trivial matters as over-taxation, septic tanks and other assorted rubbish. After all, he has to live in these poverty stricken times also so he knows first-hand just how difficult it is to live on a hundred grand [plus expenses]. Now constituents are writing their complaints in emails and sending those mails to their representative. I mean, who do these people actually think they are? Don’t they know their place?
Our TDs have had enough. They want to be left in peace to do the crossword. They do not want to know about other people’s problems when they have enough of their own. They have decided they are going to do something about it.
They are going to filter out emails from their constituents.
Problem solved.
After all, the public had their say at election time, and they can damn well bugger off until the next election.
Grandad February 19th, 2012
I have just realised something.
On this day. two years ago I officially became a pensioner.
I legally became eligible to hold up supermarket queues while I pay for my purchases in small change.
I legally became eligible to start sentences with “I remember when….”.
I legally became eligible to smell of stale piss.
I legally became eligible to wear my slippers around the village because I couldn’t be bothered putting on shoes or boots.
I legally became eligible to wear a flat cap and drive at a snail’s pace down the middle of the road.
Best of all, I legally became eligible to be as fucking cantankerous as I like.
Happy days.
Grandad February 18th, 2012
There are times when mere words fail.
The rest is here, if you dare.
[Very strong stomach advised]
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