The most difficult job in the world
Grandad March 1st, 2012
I don’t know what people generally think is the world’s most difficult job.
Astronaut?
Deep sea diver on an oil rig?
Shagging Angela Merkel?
Brain surgeon?
Cleaning out bedpans in an Old Folks Home?
Well, I can tell you definitively that they all pale into insignificance compared to the real world’s most difficult job.
Giving a dog a tablet.
Sandy is on a wee regime of tablets at the moment. They are tiny little fuckers and just to make life easier for me, I have to give her a half in the morning and the other half at night. I remember from somewhere that the atom was originally defined as the level at which a substance could no longer be divided without losing its identity, or something like that. Well, I am therefore feeding Sandy half-atoms.
The usual method of giving a dog a tablet is to open their mouth, pop the pill down the back of the throat and then hold their muzzle closed until they swallow. Hah!
I tried that. I end up with my hand firmly clamped around Sandy’s muzzle and I stand there as she stares back at me. After what seems like hours and several swallows, I let go. Sandy immediately goes pfoot and the pill pops out onto the floor. The little waggon has learned to slip the pill under her tongue so she can swallow without ingesting.
Another way is to drop the pill into her dinner and hope for the best. But our Sandy has her own ideas about food. If she isn’t hungry, she just won’t eat, no matter how enticing and obnoxious smelling her dinner is. She eats in her own time and that is the law.
I have had to reduce myself to the level of dog entertainer. I get one of the lumps of gravy covered lumps of meat out of one of her tins. Using two forks [because I’m not going to handle the evil smelling stuff] I have to carefully make a tiny incision and manoeuvre the half tablet into the resulting slot. I then have to act the Mick to get Sandy’s interest. It’s a bit like feeding a reluctant baby. So I make an arse of myself pretending to eat the fucking thing and making loud yummy noises [which I suppose is a bit superfluous as she is deaf]. In the end she takes pity on me and swallows the chunk whole, complete with tablet.
I have to go through this routine twice a day and it is wearing me out.
I suppose it could be worse though?
They could have given me the medication in the form of an enema?
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To be honest, I think that Shagging Angela Merkel would be more distasteful.
But, whatever floats your boat as they say.
Fair enough. On second thoughts I think I would prefer to give the dog an enema.
The mouth doesn’t work. You’ve got to get it down her throat before she gags.
Also; March !!! Yeahhhhh!
Whenever his Westie was ill my Dad got a tip from the Vet to get a slice of easi singles, put the tablet inside it, then make it like a lump of putty before giving it to the dog. Worked every time.
tt – That’s what I meant – lob it to the back of the throat. It doesn’t work with our Sandy. She still manages to manouvre it under her tongue.
March? Yup. Been having brilliant weather here, all warm and springlike. A forecast mentioned we may get snow this weekend!
InisEanna – Interesting! I’m not sure if Sandy will go for cheese, as I don’t know if she has ever tried it. Her favourites are Bonios, my home cooked curries, stews and savoury minces, and the odd plain biscuit. She’d sell her soul for Bonios.
try it with cats…..i swear sheba just spit out a pill i fed her two yrs ago, bing my dog was easy toss pill say catch and chomp pill taken followed by a dog cookie. she thought she was win win
Hope Sandy gets well soon.
Cat – One of Sandy’s many quirks is that the only thing she’ll catch is a tennis ball [preferably a Slazenger] It’s not easy slipping pills into those.
JOS – Sadly the prognosis is not good. During a checkup, they found a tumour and the follow-up x-rays showed that it seems to have spread. So barring a miracle, we have very tough times ahead.
I’m a vet nurse so I understand this tedious dance very well. We have a few tricks we arduously employ, but barring success with any of these, it’s game over.
Another fun little routine when the pill-giving gets boring for you, is try catching some urine from a dog. There is nothing more humbling that following behind a dog with a soup ladle or some other urine-catching device. The neighbors think I’m off my nut, and the dog wonders how I have the good sense to have earned the right to have thumbs! I won’t even get started on the whole ordeal of transporting the urine to the vet’s office…
Glad to have found you (through StumbleUpon) with your post about ordering a Guinness properly. I thought I had it all figured out, having been a bartender and being Irish and all that jazz, but you taught me a thing or two…
Slainte
as a self proclaimed expert on dogs and pills I highly recommend the use of peanut butter. A bit on a corner of bread covering the pill and they’ll think it’s candy
Yes try feeding a cat a pill. At your peril.
http://niklowe.blogspot.com/2010/09/how-to-give-cat-pill-now-with-graphics.html
i just read your reply to JOS, and my heart hurts, take care and pet sandy for me
Simple answer, GD. A Dog Funnell. http://davisw.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/funnel-dog.jpg
You pop the pill in, fill with water, the mutt drinks it all down, pill gone, job done, easy.
If this does’nt work, then you call the vet for advice on how to revive a drowned dog.
I think mouth to mouth on a dog has gotta be the worst job in the world.
At least it would be with my dog, since he is very particular about keeping his balls and arse really clean as well as every other dog he encounters, euch!
Yes giving pills to dogs is difficult, giving them to cats (I’ve got seven – four of them semi-feral) is a nightmare, but for sheer impossibility you want to try a cantankerous 6.2hand Anglo Arab who needs them three times a day!!!
GD I’m so sorry to hear about Sandy, give her all the love you can while you can. Went through that myself last year so I completely understand.
Nice one, The Filthy Engineer, Why bother Though?
Shoot the fucking Cat and take the pill yourself. It might even be enjoyable Heh!
I’ve found a sliver of Ham works, girlie isn’t so well, though she’s good at taking tablets if they taste okay,but if they don’t, sometimes needs a little bit of a treat, but she’s learning if she can spit one out she gets another bit of ham…grrr.
FE it also works with cats, my vet when Pipswt was ill, advised me to gently pick him up and put a cloth over his eyes, well, I’ve still got the scars to prove that didn’t work, so would strongly recomend…Ham.
Of topic Grandad, sorry, but I do remember a few weeks ago your topic was about censorship of he internet ,is this related..
soluthttp://rt.com/news/irish-sopa-made-law-597/ion
http://rt.com/news/irish-sopa-made-law-597/
Sorry this is the link
Welcome, Grace! That old Guinness post has certainly earned its keep! It is the most visited page on the sate for the last four and a half years. As for catching urine, the vet did mutter about a sample [I just laughed] and then she asked about the state of her [Sandy's] stools. I pointed out that Sandy is an exceptionally discreet dog and has never had a poo if anyone is watching. Before her dump, she’ll scan the horizon and if there is a chance she can be seen she will move somewhere else.
Stepford Mum – Peanut butter? Revolting stuff. I hope Sandy would have better taste!
Filthy – Classic!! Having had the joy[?!] of cats in the house in times gone by, that brought back a few uncomfortable memories.
Cat – You have no idea how well Sandy is being treated. We are spoiling her rotten, and are trying desperately not to think of the future. The vet reckoned on four to five months so it will be a very long Spring and Summer.
Slab – Those things are fucking cruel! But they are great for picking up Sky Movies……..
Meltemian – That’s not a bad idea1 I may just get myself a horse next year. Now why didn’t I think of that before?…..
Jan M – Yup. That’s our little No Shit Sherlock who promised to backtrack and hold a public consultation. Then he sneaks it in by the back door. The little shit.
Never had any problems with pills and dogs. Wrap the pill in whatever people type food is their favorite–done. Pill’s down, no problem. Cat’s do not fall for this type of trick though but dogs? They fall for it every time.
Most difficult jobs in the world?
1. Leading an Irish EU referendum campaign in which you have to convince the electorate that their decision will be respected democratically.
2. Pairing off Sandy with a German-speaking dachshund.
Do a Rick Santorum on her.