Archive for the 'Around the village' Category

Spring has sprung

March 22nd, 2011

I received a letter from my ex-employers the other day.

The letter contained a form that I had to fill in to prove that I am alive.

Why are they writing to me if they think I’m dead? Fucking idiots.

Anyhow, I was about to sign it when I noticed that I had to have the signature witness by a Garda.  Now the signature is no problem.  I am getting damned good at forging my own signature and have reached the stage where it is almost indistinguishable from the original.  Getting a Garda to witness it could pose a problem though, as Sheriff can be an awkward bugger to find when you need him.

I had to go down to the village this morning, so just on the off-chance, I called into the Garda station.  As luck would have it, there was Sheriff having a quiet smoke and a read of the paper.

I showed him the form and asked him to put his X at the bottom of it.  He refused.  I asked why.  He said that he never put his signature to anything unless he was ‘in possession of all the relevant data’.  Sheriff can be a right bollix sometimes.  I asked him what the fuck he was on about and he replied that he couldn’t sign it as he didn’t have conclusive proof that I was alive.  I told him that that was fine by me, because if I were dead, he wouldn’t be getting any of the pints I owed him.

He signed the form.

On the way to post off the form, a car with German registration plates pulled up beside me.  The driver wanted to know the way back to the main road as he wanted to get to Dublin.  I sent him up the Bog Road to the mountain tops.

My first tourist of the season.

Spring is definitely in the air.

A new start

February 25th, 2011

Better late than never?

Usually by this time I have schlobbed something up onto the site.  Today being Election Day, it turned out to be a very busy day however and my time was sorely stretched.

It was an early start as I had a load of Polling Stations to get through.  I am a great believer in the old philosophy of ‘Vote early – Vote often”.  By late afternoon however I was beginning to feel my age, and decided it was time for a coffee.

Today was my first visit this year to the coffee shop, and I must say it was very pleasant with bright spring sunshine and not too cool.  The birds sang their hearts out and Sandy chased a cat.  Perfect Spring Peace.  It really felt like winter is finally behind us and we have a bright new future to look forward to.

The only blot on an otherwise spotless day was when a passing personage greeted me with a loud “Howya Mick”.

Who the fuck is this Mick?

Something will have to be done about him.

The other Grandad

February 15th, 2011

I had to nip down to the village earlier.

While I was down there, I thought I would drop into Doc’s surgery.  Don’t worry – I’m not sick or anything – it’s just that he owes me a few bob after a poker session the other night.

Before I go any further, I should explain that Doc insists on locating his surgery upstairs.  This is apparently a deliberate ploy on his part as he says that it cuts down drastically on the number of patients [such as those with broken lower limbs or those with arthritis] so he has more time to himself.

Anyhows, I entered the front door, and there were two old dears coming down the stairs.  As they were both old enough to be my granny, I stood to one side to let them down.  They took ages.  Finally they reached the bottom step and the younger of the two realised I was there.  She squinted at me, and I saw a flash of recognition on her face. 

“Howya Mick!” says she.

“Howya!” says I in return, just to be polite.

The older then peered at me which was slightly unnerving.

“Ah, hello Mick!” the older one said.

“Hello!” says I.

They made their way out the door, presumably wondering why Mick wasn’t very chatty today.

I saw them again a wee while later when I entered the grocers.  They both glared at me and one remarked to the other that Mick turning very rude in his old age. 

I don’t know who this Mick is, but I’ll have to find him.  I can’t have blokes wandering freely in the countryside if they look anything like me.  That is just not on.  I have a reputation to upkeep.

This village is only big enough for one of us.

First aid

January 24th, 2011

I had to go down to the village earlier.

While I was down there, I thought I would drop into the Drugstore [or pharmacy or chemist or whatever it’s called these days] as I was running low in tranquilisers for Herself.

As I was waiting in the shop, I noticed a wee typed sign standing on the counter.  It was a reminder of all the things you need to bring on holiday.  There was the Basic Pack which was fair enough.  It contained all the usual shit that people bring.  Then there were other subcategories like Sport and “Bar and Restaurant” which required additional stuff on top of the Basic Pack.

Bar and Restaurant?  I was intrigued.  I read it to see what I should be bringing if I intended to have a jar.

They advised that I would need scissors, burn lotion, splints, bandages and a load of other stuff, including an eye patch.  No mention of headache pills though.  Maybe that was in the Basic Pack?

I’m not quite sure what use an eye patch would be?

Leastwise, it looks like they drink in my type of bar…..

Christmas cheer

December 26th, 2010

How we celebrate Christmas up the mountains.

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