Archive for the 'Awards' Category

Lock up your daughters

February 21st, 2009

I haven’t said much about the Irish Blog Awards up to now, simply because everyone else has said it.

Today is a bit chaotic because Live95FM in Limerick chose today for their interview.  Bugger.  We’ll see how that goes. 

After that Herself wants a haircut or a Brazilian or something so I have to drop her off. 

Then I have to bring Sandy to the kennels, and she hates kennels with a passion.  She gets her revenge by teaching all the other dogs her nasty tricks.

At some stage or other, we will head down to Cork.

I’m going, of course, as is Herself and we are bringing The Other Fella along as well, as I have a cunning plan.

I am going to get totally hammered and then let himself suffer the hangover tomorrow.

K8 and TAT are going too.  They are going in their own car.  However, I slipped down to their place yesterday and did a little reprogramming of their SatNav, as she and I are in the same category and I like to play with the odds.  I hope they enjoy Letterkenny.

I don’t expect to win anything.

In fact the only reason I’m going is because there are a few people who owe me pints, and I’m a great believer in other people paying their debts.

With a bit of luck, I can also convince Herself that this is our Summer Holidays, which should save a few bob later on in the year.

Lock up your daughters, Cork.

Grandad is on his way.

Decisions

February 4th, 2009

Back in my working days, I was the Office Senior.  In fact, I was the Supervisor, but RTE were too fucking mean to lash out the salary.

Each morning was a battle with decisions.

I had to decide on project priorities.  I had to allocate staff to the projects.  I had to decide which day in the following week I was going to take a sick day.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Decisions are mentally wearing.  Make a wrong one and the consequences are dire.  Make a right one and nobody notices.

On retiring, I made another decision.  I decided I was going to stick to the really important decisions only, such as whether I would have another pint or switch to whiskeys.

Now I am out of practice.

I can decide that the government are a load of corrupt incompetent arseholes all right. 

I can decide that the nannies have got it all wrong about passive smoking and global warming.

But there is one decision where I am stumped.

I discovered last night to my delight that I am through to the next round of The Irish Blog Awards.

BUT

I am through in two categories.

I am long-listed in Best Personal Blog and also in Best Humour Blog.

That fucker Mulley has decided I can only be in one category, so I have to withdraw from the other.

Bollox.

I made a decision.

I decided I would ask you lot.

That way, when I don’t win, I know who to blame.

Which category should I enter?  Humour or Personal?

Glittering prizes

January 5th, 2009

Here we go again.

Some of you will know this, but others who have been experiencing a two week orgy of drink may have missed it.

The Irish Blog Awards time has arrived again.

IrishBlogAwards1

The ceremony is on the 21st of next month, but like an American presidential election, the voting starts well in advance.

As far as I am aware, anyone can nominate a blog.  You don’t have to be Irish or even civilised to vote, which presumably means that Americans can do it?

The blog has to be Irish though, or at least written by an Irish person.  It must also be an active blog.

That’s about it really.  Simple.  The rules such as they are can all be found on the website.

Being a highly law abiding citizen, I am not touting for votes. [*cough*]  In fact I’m going to be lazy and not even make any recommendations. Sorry K8 the GR8!

So get your arses over to The Irish Blog Awards site and cast your nominations.

People of the Year – 2008

December 4th, 2008

We are coming to that time when we are inundated with People of the Year Awards.

I suppose in my capacity as Ireland’s Most Cantankerous Auld Fella, I had better give my list.

As yet, the list is incomplete, but some of the awards have already been allocated.

Here goes:

Sports Personality of the Year: 
This award has been held over for yet another year, as we were unable to find any sports people with any personality whatsoever.

Loser of the Year:
This award goes to John McCain, for his unerring ability to select the most damaging running mate possible, and for his ability to consistently lose his head under pressure.

Hypocrite of the Year:
We are proud to award this not to an individual, but to a group – The Green Party.  They won this prestigious award for being elected on an anti-Fianna Fail platform and then selling their souls just for the sake of a pension and a bit of power.

Politician of the Year:
This was difficult.  In the end, Mary Harney was chosen for her dedication to fucking up the health service.  She squeezed in [and it was a tight squeeze] on the basis that she has managed to kill more of the population than any other.

Lardarse of the Year:
See above.

Worst website of the Year:
This goes to TV3.  I have never seen it, but they should shut the fuck up about it.  Just because they won a Golden Spider!  Any fucking eejit can win one of those.

Trier of the Year:
This goes to our old friend Bertie.  First he tried to gain sympathy by resigning.  Then he tried to gain fame with his antics at the tribunal.  Then in a final desperate attempt for sympathy, he threw himself down the stairs.  And still they laughed at him…..

Dimwit of the Year:
Again, this is a tie.  The winners are Angela Merkel and Nicholas Sarkozy who, despite being leaders of Germany and France, still do not understand the meaning of a simple word – NO.

Blogger of the Year:
This one has me stumped.

In which I am called names by my daughter

November 25th, 2008

The last time my daughter called be a bollox was a long time ago.

Retribution was swift and involved petrol, matches and a Barbie doll collection.

She has called me a bollox again last night, but this time I’ll forgive her.  In fact I consider myself rather honoured.

I received an email that was entitled “Your bollox”.  I was going to discard it as I thought it was one of the usual enhancements that I’m offered regularly, and I don’t need any more of those.  I’m fully stocked.

Then I realised it was from Our K8.  She isn’t in the habit of sending me medical aids so I opened it.

Apparently she has awarded me her Dog’s Bollox of the Month Award.

To those of you who are not familiar with the expression, “dog’s bollox” is akin to “the bee’s knees” or “the cat’s pyjamas”.  It is very definitely an expression of approbation.  Why canine testicles should be a good thing, I don’t know.  Unless you’re a dog, of course.

Apparently previous recipients are Laughing Lion Design, Problemchildbride, Maxi Cane and Just Thinkin’ 

Of these, only Kirk M of Just Thinkin’ has the courage to display it on his site, but then he is The Dog’s Bollox [with no insult intended to the others].  Maxi has displayed it on his site, but he is disqualified anyway because he asked for his.  He is just The Bollox.

So I have to get to work now and fix my new award onto the site.  This should be no problem as there are plenty of builders looking for work at the moment.

And the next time someone calls me a bollox,  I shall reply “Yes, I am The Bollox”.

“The Dog’s Bollox”.

dogsbollox

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