Head Rambles

Grandad June 28th, 2009

Well, I wrote on Friday how my laptop was complaining of ill health….

It is very sick indeed.

In fact it has pretty much seen the white light at the end of the tunnel, though there is still a faint heartbeat. There is word of a heart transplant in the coming week but just in case, I’m currently removing everything off the hard drive before the funeral.

I am having to resort to a clapped out old machine that I thought was an air-conditioner, but turns out to be a PC. It’s in the junk room, and there is nowhere to sit so I won’t be doing much typing here.

I thought of asking Herself for a loan of hers, but after an attempt at baseball-bat-persuasion she has locked herself and her laptop in the bedroom.

So every cloud does have a silver lining?

One way or another, I am sans e-mail or even a decent browser, so I don’t think I’ll be in touch much.

• Blogging , computers
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Grandad June 3rd, 2009

I think I may have been a little slow of late.

Initially, I blamed the cold damp weather, but since we have been having a few days where the sun actually shone but things didn’t improve, I had to do a rethink.

I put it down to old age with a dash of arthritis and maybe a drizzle of senility, but I’m told this may not be the case.

Someone suggested that it might not be so much old age as a faulty plugin.  They also suggested that I might like to have a look at my database.

So I unscrewed the back off my site and had a root around.

I drained the oil, checked the piston rings and had a good long look at my big end.

My database was looking a bit clunky.  There were also a few bits lying around that looked like they were a bit surplus to requirements.

So I rolled my sleeves up, put on my hard hat and safety goggles and attacked with my trusty delete key.

I think I may have been a little over enthusiastic, because I ended up with bits of web site lying all over the place.

There was a puddle of data underneath the couch, and a pile of HTML had collected in one corner of the room.  Sandy was quietly chewing on a graphic in the middle of the floor and I had a tin full of variables that came from somewhere, but I’m not sure where.

I have spent the last hour trying to reassemble the damned thing.  Of course I have lost the box that it came in originally, so the whole thing was a bit hit and miss.

The site looks like it used to, and I think it may be a bit faster.  Only you can tell me that.

I still have a problem though.

I have two variables left over, and I’m fucked if I know where they came from.

• Blogging , computers
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Grandad April 26th, 2009

I despise the tabloid press.

They go for the sensationalist, cheap headlines and don’t give a damn for truth and honesty.  Their motto is ‘sales above all else’ and many an honest upright citizen has been trampled by their voracious appetite for lurid headlines.

I am sad to say that I have been the victim of their latest sensationalism.

Imagine my horror and disgust when I read this cheap nasty bit of gutter journalism yesterday.

I normally only read that site just to make sure that it is still there, and yesterday, I was wading through the lies, the innuendo and the fifth rate writing when I came across this line -

“I’m the daughter of a USaphobe”

Apart from the fact that there is no such word, this is obviously a pathetic attempt to slur my name by making me out to be some kind of hater of Americans.

Of course, my regular readers will know that this is a blatant lie.  I know that Americans have their little foibles.  There is the fact that they can’t spell.  We all know that they have no sense of humour.  We have all been irritated with their loud grating accent and their complete inability to take a joke, but apart from those minor factors, Americans are lovely people.  I welcome Americans with loaded open arms.

I am of course initiating legal proceedings against that rag.

I shall demand a full and contrite apology, and compensation commensurate with my standing in the community.

Until then, if she wants me to any babysitting, she can fucking whistle.

• Blogging , Rambles
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Grandad April 18th, 2009

I get quite a lot of private emails about me and my site.

I told you about Irena and her desperate attempts to get to know me better.

I get quite a few like that.  Some of them want to have my babies, which is fine too, except that they refuse to sign any waver for child support, and I also have to keep it quiet from Herself.

I have received quite a few looking for some kind of product endorsement.  These are weird ones, as they usually offer to send me something strange to endorse.  I have had offers of strange sunglasses and also of some kind of card collecting racket.  I bin them.  No one want me to endorse a new pipe tobacco or whiskey, I notice?

I also get a lot of requests for link exchanges. 

Some of the link exchange requests come from company sites or from on line gambling sites.  They usually get a response from me.  I send them a nice email with a virulent virus attached.

I also get requests from other bloggers, and this is where life gets tricky.

My problem is that if I linked to every blogger who wrote to me, I would end up with more links than blog, which would mean that my site would become a directory, and I wouldn’t be able to ramble on it.

Very rarely though, I get a mail about a blog that is different.  I got one of those this morning.

He did everything right.  He praised my writing to the point of embarrassment; he linked to his blog and most important – he deposited €100 in my PayPal account.

I had a look at Irish Begrudger, and I can confidently say that he is certifiable.  I would go so far as to say he is Grade A Insane.

I think I recognise the style.

Didn’t we share adjacent padded cells once?

• Blogging
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Grandad March 20th, 2009

Writer’s block is like driving a Porche flat out down a motorway, when suddenly the engine seizes, and you are left there wondering if your precious car is ever going to shift again.

I have been there, but I’m not there now.

I’m still driving flat out down that motorway.

My problem is that I am driving a clapped out old banger, and I ain’t going very fast.

What is worse, I seem to be on a ring road, and am just going around in circles.

This site has been going for nearly two and a half years now.  If it were a child, it would be learning to talk on its own.

I don’t know about you, but I think I need a new car and a new road to drive on.  The scenery at the moment is a bit dull and uninspiring, and I would like to see some fresh horizons.

What this site needs is a proper destination, but then they do say that it is better to travel than to arrive?  I just don’t know.  I sometimes think it’s boring.  You sometimes think it’s boring.  Don’t deny it because I know you are leaving in your thousands.  Sometimes, my journey comes across something exciting and we all have a laugh for a day or two, but I think it is in danger of becoming repetitive?

I know this site will never become the Huffington Post, because life is quiet here in the mountains.  Washington, it isn’t.  I could write about the first sighting of a bumble bee in Summer, or how Pullit is recycling his slops again for the tourists down in the pub, but you’d soon get bored with that.

Maybe I need to start a regular column?

Someone in the mists of time suggested and Agony Aunt type thing?  An Agony Grandad?  It doesn’t have a very good ring to it?

Personally, I’m quite happy pouring out the same old shite, day after day.  It keeps me out of mischief [for ten minutes, anyway] but I need a little spark from time to time. 

Over to you.

Any ideas for a little regular spot?

• Blogging
• Comments(38)

Grandad March 14th, 2009

I was going to write a very funny article today.

But then I decided it would be a waste of time and effort.

Who the hell reads blogs on a nice sunny Saturday?

• Blogging , Rambles
• Comments(28)