Head Rambles

Grandad January 14th, 2008

I like messing around with things.

I like trying out bits of software, just to see what they do.

I like to try something out.  If I like it, I keep it.  If I don’t, then I delete it.

Herself is still under trial, though she doesn’t know it.

I have found a couple of little plugins for WordPress, and I installed them over the weekend.

One is a strange yoke called Community Cloud.  You create a page and it lists all the people who have posted comments on your blog in cloud form. I have created a page called Friends, where you can see it in action. I have set my lower limit to 2, so if you have only posted one comment, you won’t appear.  Sorry.  You have to try harder.

Unfortunately, there is no upper limit, so I can’t banish Grannymar.  She keeps commenting because she fancies her chances.

I found that plugin on KirkM’s site - Just Thinkin.  Not only is he a good blogger but he knows his WordPress too.

Another one I have installed, for the laugh, is the Talkr Plugin.  This allows people to listen to my posts as podcasts.  You’ll have to excuse my American accent, and the fact that I sound like a woman.  That’s due to a mixup in pills the other night, where I accidentally swapped tablets with herself.  She now has a fine beard too.

One plugin I would like to install is a yoke called “Enhanced Plugins Used Plugin”.  This is supposed to list all my plugins on a page, but I can’t get the f*cking thing to work.  Yet.

[* UPDATE - I have now got it working *]

Another program I found has nothing to do with blogging, but I like it.  It allows me to connect to other PCs and run them as if I were there.  Even better, there is no sign on the other PC that I have connected, so I can use it for monitoring what’s going on.

I can now watch Herself trying to sell my stuff on eBay.  I can then go in and sabotage the auction.  She hasn’t worked out yet why her sales are so poor.

That’s me with another PC’s screen on mine

Now I’m going to do a scan of all my neighbours’ PCs to see what they are up to.

• Internet , computers
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Grandad December 21st, 2007

At last.

One of my best days of the year.

Newgrange has seen the sun, and from now on the days get longer.

I got a new laptop recently, because the old one was getting rude.  I put everything I needed on it like Firefox and Anti-Virus and things like that.

But I forgot to put in Anti-freeze.

We had the first real hard frost of the winter this morning, which is appropriate, because this is officially the first day of winter.  But my laptop was frozen solid.

I knew what to do though as I am a resourceful person.  I filled a deep baking tray with warm water and immersed the laptop for a while.

The trouble then was that it was wet.  I tried a hair-dryer, but that didn’t work very well, so I put it in the oven for a bit.  That was slow going though, so in the end, I put it in the microwave.  That worked perfectly.

So my laptop is now ice-free and nice and clean.

I am now going to go out and dance naked in the garden to celebrate the Solstice.

• Rambles , computers
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Grandad December 6th, 2007

OK. So I take a day off, and what happens? My blog goes into a sulk.

I came along this morning, and any time I tried to do anything with my blog, it told me I was blacklisted!!

This was f*cking irritating. Why should I suddenly be blacklisted? I’ve been sending spam for years, so why now?

“Your Internet Protocol address is listed on a blacklist of addresses involved in malicious or illegal activity. See the listing below for more details on specific blacklists and removal procedures.”

Bugger that!

I did some checking around. I’m not blacklisted, nor is my website.

Then I get an e-mail from a friend who is also using WordPress. He is in a panic because he is in the same boat.

I had to do a lot of research, but I eventually found the answer.

Apparently it’s not me [which makes a change]. Apparently, it’s a plugin I use called Bad Behaviour, which is there to prevent spam.

I found this on their site.

I installed the update, and I’m sorry to say, the site is working normally. So I’m afraid I will be posting again from time to time.

In the meantime, I’m sending the people at Bad Behaviour off to Miss Whiplash.

She likes naughty boys, who behave badly.

• computers
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Grandad November 29th, 2007

I can’t decide which is worse - Mary Harney or Windows Vista.

They are both fat and over bloated.

They use up too many resources.

They both promise and fail to deliver.

Neither of them does what they’re supposed to do.

Anything they come in contact with doesn’t work.

They both insist things must be done their way, even though it’s the wrong way.

They both keep having to patch up their own errors.

They are both too expensive.

On the face of it though, I think Vista looks more attractive.

• Politics , computers
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Grandad November 28th, 2007

Laptop: You think you’re fucking great.

Me: What?

Laptop: You and your fucking award. You think you’re the dog’s bollix.

Me: What are you on about?

Laptop: It’s only a cheap lump of metal. You’re swanning around like it’s a Nobel Prize. Ya big headded git. Fucking spider me arse!

Me: You’re just jealous because you didn’t get one.

Laptop: Jayzus! You wouldn’t have gotten it without me.

Me: How do you work that out?

Laptop: You honestly think you would win with that turgid crap that you type? No way, baby! The only reason you won is because I take your maudlin bullshit, spruce it up a bit and add a bit of humour. Don’t flatter yourself.

Me: Good. You can help me with the book then.

Laptop: Book? What book?

Me: The one I’m going to write.

Laptop: Oh fuck! Don’t make me laugh! You, write a book? So what is the title of this great work then?

Me: I was thinking of “PMS, I love you”.

Laptop: What the fuck……? What kind of book is this going to be?

Me: A sort of cross between Cecelia Ahern and Kerry Katona?

Laptop: Oh Christ!

Me: It’ll be great. everyone will want to read it.

Laptop: Yeah! And everyone will want barbed wire shoved up their hole!

Me: Do you have to be so coarse all the time?

Laptop: Me? Coarse? You’ll have to think a lot coarser than that if you want to write like Kerry Katona. And you are going to have to dumb things down a hell of a lot. If that’s possible.

Me: Are you saying I’m dumb?

Laptop: Listen, Kid. You are dumb. But compared to those two, you are fucking Einstein.

Me: So what are we going to do about it?

Laptop: You just fuck off to bed. I’ll have the first ten chapters ready when you get up tomorrow.

Me: Thanks.

Laptop: Don’t mention it, Old Sport.

• The Book , computers
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Grandad November 21st, 2007

I bought my first PC somewhere back in the early 90s

I got a top of the range model because I wanted it to be future proof.

It was a Tandon 386 with 1Mb of memory, a 40Mb hard drive. People said I was mad to get a 40Mb disk, when the norm for those days was 20Mb. They said I would never fill it. It cost me the modern equivalent of about €2,500

I bought a laptop last year. It cost me under €800. It has 1Gb of memory and a 40Gb hard drive.

I was installing a bit of software yesterday, and I ran out of disk space! Where the hell did it all go to? I don’t download films or music or any of that stuff. My porn pictures are all kept on a separate disk. What is going on with modern PCs???

I remember when you bought software and it came on a three and a half inch floppy. If it was a huge program, it came on a few floppies, and you had to feed them in in succession ["Please insert Disk #3 in your A drive"]. Now it takes a couple of CDs to take it all! The laptop has 1000 times the storage, yet I’m still running out of space. I put Office on my first PC, and it ran well, albeit a bit slowly. Now, Office takes up over 200Mb of space, and that is with only a few components. I hate to think how much space it would take if I installed everything!

A program in the Good Old Days was not much bigger than 2Mb. Now they can take anything up to [and sometimes over] 1Gb. Are modern programs 500 times more functional? Are they 500 times better?

I know programs are more functional, and the graphics are better, but 500 times bigger? That doesn’t make sense.

• computers
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