Archive for the 'computers' Category

Don’t forget your anti-freeze

Grandad December 21st, 2007

At last.

One of my best days of the year.

Newgrange has seen the sun, and from now on the days get longer.

newgrangeint

I got a new laptop recently, because the old one was getting rude.  I put everything I needed on it like Firefox and Anti-Virus and things like that.

But I forgot to put in Anti-freeze.

We had the first real hard frost of the winter this morning, which is appropriate, because this is officially the first day of winter.  But my laptop was frozen solid.

I knew what to do though as I am a resourceful person.  I filled a deep baking tray with warm water and immersed the laptop for a while.

The trouble then was that it was wet.  I tried a hair-dryer, but that didn’t work very well, so I put it in the oven for a bit.  That was slow going though, so in the end, I put it in the microwave.  That worked perfectly.

So my laptop is now ice-free and nice and clean.

I am now going to go out and dance naked in the garden to celebrate the Solstice.

Bad Behaviour behaves badly

Grandad December 6th, 2007

OK. So I take a day off, and what happens? My blog goes into a sulk.

I came along this morning, and any time I tried to do anything with my blog, it told me I was blacklisted!!

Capture

This was f*cking irritating. Why should I suddenly be blacklisted? I’ve been sending spam for years, so why now?

“Your Internet Protocol address is listed on a blacklist of addresses involved in malicious or illegal activity. See the listing below for more details on specific blacklists and removal procedures.”

Bugger that!

I did some checking around. I’m not blacklisted, nor is my website.

Then I get an e-mail from a friend who is also using WordPress. He is in a panic because he is in the same boat.

I had to do a lot of research, but I eventually found the answer.

Apparently it’s not me [which makes a change]. Apparently, it’s a plugin I use called Bad Behaviour, which is there to prevent spam.

I found this on their site.

I installed the update, and I’m sorry to say, the site is working normally. So I’m afraid I will be posting again from time to time.

In the meantime, I’m sending the people at Bad Behaviour off to Miss Whiplash.

She likes naughty boys, who behave badly.

Vista onto a horrible view

Grandad November 29th, 2007

I can’t decide which is worse - Mary Harney or Windows Vista.

They are both fat and over bloated.

They use up too many resources.

They both promise and fail to deliver.

Neither of them does what they’re supposed to do.

Anything they come in contact with doesn’t work.

They both insist things must be done their way, even though it’s the wrong way.

They both keep having to patch up their own errors.

They are both too expensive.

On the face of it though, I think Vista looks more attractive.

vista_screenshot

P.M.S. I Love You

Grandad November 28th, 2007

Laptop: You think you’re fucking great.

Me: What?

Laptop: You and your fucking award. You think you’re the dog’s bollix.

Me: What are you on about?

Laptop: It’s only a cheap lump of metal. You’re swanning around like it’s a Nobel Prize. Ya big headded git. Fucking spider me arse!

Me: You’re just jealous because you didn’t get one.

Laptop: Jayzus! You wouldn’t have gotten it without me.

Me: How do you work that out?

Laptop: You honestly think you would win with that turgid crap that you type? No way, baby! The only reason you won is because I take your maudlin bullshit, spruce it up a bit and add a bit of humour. Don’t flatter yourself.

Me: Good. You can help me with the book then.

Laptop: Book? What book?

Me: The one I’m going to write.

Laptop: Oh fuck! Don’t make me laugh! You, write a book? So what is the title of this great work then?

Me: I was thinking of “PMS, I love you”.

Laptop: What the fuck……? What kind of book is this going to be?

Me: A sort of cross between Cecelia Ahern and Kerry Katona?

Laptop: Oh Christ!

Me: It’ll be great. everyone will want to read it.

Laptop: Yeah! And everyone will want barbed wire shoved up their hole!

Me: Do you have to be so coarse all the time?

Laptop: Me? Coarse? You’ll have to think a lot coarser than that if you want to write like Kerry Katona. And you are going to have to dumb things down a hell of a lot. If that’s possible.

Me: Are you saying I’m dumb?

Laptop: Listen, Kid. You are dumb. But compared to those two, you are fucking Einstein.

Me: So what are we going to do about it?

Laptop: You just fuck off to bed. I’ll have the first ten chapters ready when you get up tomorrow.

Me: Thanks.

Laptop: Don’t mention it, Old Sport.

Are you feeling bloated?

Grandad November 21st, 2007

I bought my first PC somewhere back in the early 90s

I got a top of the range model because I wanted it to be future proof.

It was a Tandon 386 with 1Mb of memory, a 40Mb hard drive. People said I was mad to get a 40Mb disk, when the norm for those days was 20Mb. They said I would never fill it. It cost me the modern equivalent of about €2,500

tandon

I bought a laptop last year. It cost me under €800. It has 1Gb of memory and a 40Gb hard drive.

pavillion

I was installing a bit of software yesterday, and I ran out of disk space! Where the hell did it all go to? I don’t download films or music or any of that stuff. My porn pictures are all kept on a separate disk. What is going on with modern PCs???

I remember when you bought software and it came on a three and a half inch floppy. If it was a huge program, it came on a few floppies, and you had to feed them in in succession ["Please insert Disk #3 in your A drive"]. Now it takes a couple of CDs to take it all! The laptop has 1000 times the storage, yet I’m still running out of space. I put Office on my first PC, and it ran well, albeit a bit slowly. Now, Office takes up over 200Mb of space, and that is with only a few components. I hate to think how much space it would take if I installed everything!

A program in the Good Old Days was not much bigger than 2Mb. Now they can take anything up to [and sometimes over] 1Gb. Are modern programs 500 times more functional? Are they 500 times better?

I know programs are more functional, and the graphics are better, but 500 times bigger? That doesn’t make sense.

I’ve been tagged again

Grandad November 11th, 2007

Our K8 has come up with a new meme.

And, bless her little cotton socks, she has passed it on to me.

She wants me to write a post that uses every tag. It’s all very well for her - she only has a few. I have loads. The cow!

Now I may be getting old but I find these difficult. I had a hard days blogging yesterday, as I had a good rant on a podcast to America. That was after I did my post on Cully and Sully.

So today I went for a ramble around the garden, trying to think of a topic. No go. There was no inspiration around the house either, and I’m damned if I’m going around the village or around the town for something so trivial.

Back in the 70’s life was a lot simpler. There were no computers or Internet, or even television so there were no memes. I had no irritating daughter in the family either. We found our pleasures in simple things. I remember learning to drive so we could go on holidays touring in the West, with no worries about flying and Global Warming. We had such simple sports as children in times past, like watching spiders spin their webs, and the designs they’d make. We’d go for rambles through the woods and have picnics of tea and spam sandwiches. We were a lot healthier for it.

Nowadays, work is the new religion and people have lost the use of their imagination. People only get worked up over celebrities and smoking out corrupt politicians. They panic over property prices and have lost sight of the soul of life.

No.

I can’t think of anything.

I elect not to do it.

I’m going to file this under Uncatagorised.

Maybe Sixty should have a bash at this?

Or how about Kirk at Just Thinkin’? I haven’t tagged him before.

And it’s a while since I annoyed Grannymar!!

tag-award

F*cking memes….

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