Archive for the 'computers' Category

An I for an I

February 22nd, 2011

A while ago I bought myself a new laptop.

I really like it.  It has a large screen, and a lot more memory than I have.  It has loads of storage, and all in all, it’s a nice looking machine.

The one problem is that it has a QWERIY keyboard instead of a QWERTY one.

Ihe keyboard itself is nice.  Most keyboards look like a slab of chocolaie waiting to broken into squares, whereas this one is more like a completed jigsaw, as the keys are almost completely flat.  However, somehow – and I haven’t the faintest idea how – the T key has lost iis crossbar, or whatever you call it and it now looks like an I.

I have been using keyboards for many years, but I never boihered to learn touch iyping.  I therefore rely somewhai on whatever is on the key as guidance.  Now ihat I have two I keys, I can see problems ahead.

I suppose I could iry choosing my words very carefully so they don’i contain a T, but ihat would slow me down a loi.

I suppose I could try painiing a crossbar on the I, but I doubt that would work.

I have a feeling I’ll just have to get used to ii.

-oOo-

Due to unprecedented demand, I am attaching a photograph.

So you don’t believe me, huh?

Making the heart grow fonder

February 7th, 2011

Apparently my little pearls of wisdom are too much for my server.

It crashed.

I have given it a severe kick.

It apologises.

Now it’s in a sulk.

Heh!

Designer bugs

January 12th, 2011

I have a bit of a bug at the moment.

I mention that because it explains one or two things.  I’m not one of those Mammy’s Boys who whinges about Man Flu or anything like that – I prefer to sit quietly and let the bug try its worst while I  do my best to drown it in whiskey. 

Anyhows, I was sitting here yesterday doing my best to ignore the sweats and aches and I started to mess around with the design of the site.  It was just an idle piece of whimsy to pass the time.  I don’t know whether it was the bug or the whiskey, but I got a couple of files mixed up, and the next thing I knew, part of the new design had crept onto the live site.  It was a messy bit of confusion, so rather than try to sort out the mess, I put the whole new design live, even though there were lots of things I hadn’t tweaked to my satisfaction.

Shortly after that, I feel asleep in my armchair.

I woke a lot later to find that the fucking site was broken.  There were all sorts of things that weren’t working, which didn’t put me into the best of form, but I managed to fix them, and then I went to bed.

I was woken at three this afternoon by Naughty Rita [he’s our Meter Man], but that’s neither here nor there.  I switched on the laptop and took a look at the site to decide whether or not to run with the new design.  It wasn’t too much of a shock, so I think I may leave it there for a while.  After all, the old design must be well over four years old.

So what do you think?  Will I get used to it?  Is it an improvement and what else does it need?

I will leave it in your capable hands.

Mind you…  I don’t half miss those tits.

Throwing down the gauntlet

December 2nd, 2010

A while ago, a friend suggested that I try out Linux.

I told him to fuck off because I couldn’t be arsed learning all those “grip”, “bash” and “bonk” commands.  Commands that mean sweet fuckl all.  Why they can’t use simple commands like “find”, “run” or “stop fucking annoying me!”, I don’t know.

Anyway this friend persisted and just to shut him up I installed Linux Mint.  I chose that one because apparently it’s Irish and it costs nothing.

I find this hard to understand, but I’m actually getting quite used to it.  It runs smoothly and quickly and in general, it does what I ask of it without complaint or moan.

One thing about it that really pisses me off is that I can’t get my microphone to work.  God knows, it took me long enough to get the fecking speakers to work.  I asked the Other Fella for a handout, but he said he knew nothing about Linux, the bastard.

The other thing that reeeeally pisses me up to the hilt is that it doesn’t have Windows Live Writer on it.  I like WLW and it is one of those extremely rare beasts – something good that Microsoft has done.  Why doesn’t Linux have WLW?

I have mentioned some wee problems in the past that I had been having with Windows, and whenever I did, I always got some fucking smart arse telling me to use Linux.  OK.  I am using it.  So where are the smart arses now?  Instead of heckling me, why aren’t they doing something useful like writing a Windows Live Writer that will work in Linux?  I don’t like using Word Press to write my scribbles.  I want to use something better.  WLW used to do the job very nicely, but now I can’t use it.  I’m using a thing called Scribefire which sort of half does the job with a great deal of reluctance [which reminds me of a few tradesmen I know] and it is pissing me off.

So here is your challenge, Arseholes.  Let’s see you produce something decent for me.

And if you can’t, stop gloating on about Linux.

Sent from my brain via the power of hamsters

September 15th, 2010

I do a lot of shopping on line.

In fact just about everything I buy comes from the Interweb with the exception of my baccy, my booze, vegetables and fruit and my meat. 

I buy my groceries, clothes, books and all the shit that makes life reasonably tolerable. 

I mentioned recently that I had had some trouble with a piece of kit, and I thought it was about time to replace it.  I went on line and found that the yoke I was looking for wasn’t that common.  Undeterred, I sniffed around and eventually found a seller in Ireland on eBay.  I like to get stuff from Ireland because the postage usually isn’t so high and it tends to be quicker.

The seller I found had a rather unusual name.  I don’t know how many parents who, when searching for a name for their new offspring come up with Holymaryjoe, but this chap’s parents obviously did.  The poor bloke must have had one hell of a time in school?

Anyhow, to cut a long story into a slightly longer one, I ordered my kit and it duly arrived on a Friday.  Fucking sweet!

I used it on Friday evening, and a bit on Saturday.  I went to switch it on on Sunday and the fucking thing was as dead as Mary Coughlan’s intelligence.  It was quite like Mary Coughlan in fact – it looked reasonably good, but on closer inspection was just a useless piece of junk. 

I wrote to Holymaryjoe and explained what had happened.

No reply.

Then I realised that his yoke on eBay clearly said ‘no returns’.

Fuck!

I chalked it up to experience and wend down the pub for a few pints and a smoke.

When I got home, there was a mail waiting for me.  Holymaryjoe was very concerned that my purchase wasn’t up to scratch.  Despite his no returns policy, he said he was going to sort me out if it killed him.  I’m not sure whether this was a physical threat against me or against himself, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt anyway.  He said he would start sending me replacement parts, bit by bit until we found the problem.

Two days later a package arrived.  Using the new parts I got to work and soon my kit was less like Mary Coughlan and more like Sharon – looking good and working perfectly.

If ever I come across his name again when searching on eBay, I will definitely give him my business.

 

And if you are wondering where I got the title of this ramble?

It is how he signed one of his emails.

I like!

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