Head Rambles

Grandad June 3rd, 2010

I came across yet another survey yesterday.

Over the past couple of years, I have become deeply cynical when it comes to any ‘survey’, ‘research’ or ‘reports’ as they all tend to be slanted, biased or just plain crazy.

Yesterday’s survey was done by E-Cigarette Direct, and I would normally dismiss it on the grounds that a) it’s biased, b) it’s a tiny survey [145 respondents] and c) it’s an on-line survey which is notoriously unreliable.  The reason I mention it though is because it rings true.

According to the survey, 62% of e-cigarette users said they would return to normal cigarettes if e-cigarettes were banned.

Just for a moment, assume I am a fanatical environmentalist [mwaaahahaha!!] and I decide to sell my petrol car and go for an electric one?  Let us then assume that the government bans electric cars?  What am I going to do?  Do I give up driving altogether?  No.  I go back to driving a petrol one.  It’s logical.  The same logic can equally be applied to smoking.

There is a major push to have electronic cigarettes banned.  The arguments are many but basically they boil down to “they are full of carcinogens” [which is a load of bollix] or “they encourage young people to smoke” which presumably means that sticking a white pencil in your mouth is tantamount to encouraging smoking.

The arguments against electronic cigarettes are nonsensical.  I cannot think of one single reason why they should be banned.

Well, actually I can.

You see, they are not made by the pharmaceutical companies, and this is why they are under attack.

The pharmaceutical companies want everyone to quit smoking, hence all the crazy propaganda that we have floating around these days.  However, they want people to quit by using nicotine patches or nicotine gum.  The introduction of an alternative that they don’t manufacture could cost them billions, and they will do everything in their power to stop that.

You look at just about any ‘research’ done into the effects of smoking, be it primary smoking or secondary and you will find the pharmaceuticals funding that research.

Of course the Antis will say that anyone who counters their arguments is funded by the tobacco industry.

I’m not funded by anyone.

I wish…..

• e-smoking
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Grandad June 7th, 2009

Times have been a little unsettling here in Head Rambles Manor of late.

There was nothing bad, as such, but the routine of life was slightly disturbed by a series of events which caused some slight ripples in our otherwise calm life.

Life here is normally pretty quiet and peaceful.  The day to day activities of getting drunk, beating up tourists and sabotaging road works have a certain tranquillity about them which gives me a sense of order and of place.  So, when something comes along that upsets that routine, I feel a sense of unease.

Over the last few months, I have had to deal with some institutions with which I normally only have a remote and passing acquaintance.  For example there was The Wedding which was a thoroughly enjoyable occasion but still led to a certain amount of upheaval.

Another institution which I try to avoid like the plague is our so called health system.  Unfortunately, I have had a lot of dealing with them over the past few days, involving hospital stays and general mayhem.  I hate hospitals.  The last time I was involved with them was as a result of my send-off party in RTE which ended in spectacular style and necessitated a couple of nights hospitality in the local MRSA centre.  That’s another story though.  Suffice it to say that I survived, but only just.

The last few days involved a lot of wandering around wards, and sitting in the hospital restaurant.  The hospital in question has no grounds, so leaving the building meant standing around in an industrial estate which isn’t my idea of fun.  So what did I do about my little hobby?

In the normal course of things, hospitals seem to have a strange aversion to pipe smoking, which is something I can’t quite understand.  I think it very unreasonable of them.  I would have thought that the site of a pipe smoker would relax people in an otherwise anxiety provoking situation, but they don’t see things from my enlightened point of view.

This time though I had my e-pipe.

One of the great advantages of an e-pipe is that you don’t waste time lighting it.  It is instantaneous.  Also it can be slammed into a pocket without worry of spontaneous combustion.  It also doesn’t leave a tell tale smell of pipe smoke.  This all meant that a quick puff in the lift or on the stairs was no problem at all.  In fact at one stage, I happily sat in the restaurant and puffed away, and no one noticed.  I was caught at one stage in the lift when the doors opened unexpectedly.  A couple of women entered and I smiled at them in a friendly way, but then realised I was gently exhaling a cloud of vapour at the time.  They got off very quickly at the next floor.

Another time, I was lying there in the room, half asleep, and the pipe going like the clappers when a nurse walked in.  I should explain that the staff in the hospital are the nicest people you could meet, so instead of hosing me with a fire extinguisher, she gently reminded me that the hospital [in fact, the whole fucking country] is a no smoking area.  I told her I wasn’t smoking which confused her.  I gently explained, and she was impressed.  She was so impressed that I was given carte blanche to smoke in my room.  She was so impressed that I think we could have made a night of it, but unfortunately she kicked with the other foot.  You win some, you lose some.

To cut a long story short, life is now back to normal.  I hope.

The elections are over, my car is fully certified, my daughter is at last married and all bodily bits are back where they should be.

In short, I don’t expect anything to happen for the next couple of months.

I love peace and quiet.

Now where is my gun?

• Health , Rambles , e-smoking
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Grandad June 4th, 2009

This e-pipe lark is turning out to be more fun than I expected.

Part of the pipe is the cartridge.  It’s a little open ended tube that contains foam which is soaked in a liquid.  A heating element then heats the foam and vapourises the liquid.

Unlike my other pipes, I can’t just nip down to the shop and buy myself a pack of baccy, which is one of the new yoke’s drawbacks.  If I run out of smoke, I have to replace the cartridge, and you can only buy them on the Interweb.  I have an order in for a crate, and am waiting on delivery any day.

However, it occurred to me that it would be simpler if I could just replace the liquid, instead of replacing the whole cartridge, so I did a search on the Interweb to see if anyone is as intelligent as me, and surprisingly I found that some other genius has come up with the same idea.  You can buy bottles of the liquid which makes life cheaper and simpler.

This is where my problems started though.

You see, they don’t just sell the liquid.  They sell the liquid in different flavours.

If I want to, I can smoke banana.  Or lilac?  Would you fancy a puff of grapefruit?  I’m not joking.  There is chocolate or coffee.  A smoke of some Red Bull to start the day?  How about some melon?

Now, all I want is tobacco.  Ordinary plain pipe tobacco.  There are flavours called ‘French pipe’ and ‘Virginia’ so that may be my solution [pun intended]?

I mentioned the nice people in E-Cigarette Direct before, and once again they are coming up trumps.  They are going to order some samples for me to try out.

Further on down the line, I may try some experiments of my own.

Why not kill two birds with one stone?

A pipefull of Guinness?

Hmmmmmm.

• e-smoking
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Grandad May 22nd, 2009

I have taken the first plunge into the world of electronic smoking.

My new pipe arrived yesterday, to be added to my large collection of other pipes.

This one however is different.  Instead of gently filling it with tobacco and applying a match, I had to charge its batteries.

To an onlooker, unless they take a very close look, it appears to be a normal pipe.  The only really noticeable differences I found were that it was a bit heavier and larger than I was used to, and that there was no bowl to put tobacco in.

Once the battery was charged, I loaded it, and started puffing.

It was amazing.

There were clouds of ‘smoke’ and a grand flavour of tobacco off it.

I bought it on line from a company in Wales.  I must say I will be doing a lot of business with them, as they are extremely approachable and friendly, and they are also very efficient.  I hope they read this as they aren’t paying me for advertising them, but what the hell – a couple of crates of cartridges wouldn’t go amiss?  Heh!  The only thing I have to buy now are those cartridges.  A cartridge contains pure nicotine, which on the smokers scale of things is a relatively harmless chemical [compared to the other gunge you get in tobacco].  All I have to do is pop out the old one and replace it with a new.  You can get cartridges in different strengths and different flavours.

So what are the advantages of this new toy?

For a start, it is clean.  I don’t need an ashtray any more, and my finger won’t get ash on it from tamping the tobacco.

It is convenient.  All I need to carry is the pipe.  I don’t need tobacco.  I don’t need a lighter.  When I have finished, I just put it in my pocket.  When I want a smoke, I just take it out and puff.  It is going to be very handy in the car.

It is safer.  As it isn’t lit, there is no danger of hot ash spilling.  The smoke itself is a hell of a lot healthier.

It’s cheaper.  I haven’t worked out the precise costs, but the cartridges are a fraction of the price of a pouch of baccy.  And I can laugh in the face of future budgets!

The NicoNazis can’t complain.  This is probably one of its best features.  I can smoke it anywhere – in a pub, on the train, on a plane, in the cinema, even in a hospital.  No little jumped up do-gooding fucker can say a word as it does not constitute smoking under the legal terms of the anti-smoking law.  By God, but I’m going to have a lot of fun with that one!

Now, what about the disadvantages?

I suppose the biggest disadvantage is that I can’t nip down to the shop for some baccy.  I have to send away for it.

Taste wise, it isn’t exactly the same but it should be easy to get used to.

A big disadvantage is that I have to be sure to carry a spare battery and cartridge at all times as if either of those run out, I’m bunched.

I’m going to hold on to my old pipes of course, and will still have a puff of the old stuff but I can see myself using this new one a lot.

We live in interesting times.

• e-smoking
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