They were given a choice of seven candidates for presidency and the current favourite is a baldy headed fucker with the charisma of a wet blancmange.

For those of you who don’t know the esteemed Sean Gallagher [you lucky bastards], his sole claim to fame is to be on the panel of the Irish version of “Dragon’s Den”.

I actually watched that programme a couple of times in the past and you can take it from me that it was a total embarrassment.  Gallagher was one of the main instigators of the cringe factor and if you had told me then that people would actually consider him for president, I would have either laughed or slit my wrists.

I can’t look at the eejit without thinking that he bears more than a passing resemblance to Homer Simpson.  The only difference between them is that Homer has ten times the intelligence.

I grant you that  in the main the other candidates are a pretty pathetic bunch but I would have put Gallagher at the very bottom of the list, along with that little whinger, the Eurovision singer.

Of course, Gallagher’s only other claim to fame is that he is out and out Fianna Fail.  Yes – those back slapping, stroke pulling, brown envelope cunts who drove this country into the ground, and beyond.  He has even admitted to a few very dodgy loans in the past.  Has the Irish electorate forgotten already?  Can they really be that fucking stupid?

The thought of this eejit representing me abroad fills me with dread.  I have a good mind to apply for Libyan Citizenship.

There are times I am convinced that there is absolutely no hope for this country.

This election is the most significant in Irish history.

The most corrupt of the Irish political parties has almost been eradicated.  It has been an absolute bloodbath for Fianna Fail and I couldn’t be happier for them.  And to add a little cherry to the top of the cake, the Green Party is no more.  They have been wiped from the political landscape and it couldn’t have happened to a nicer bunch of wankers and cunts.

All the people who you have heard me rail against are gone and consigned to the dustbin of history with the sole exception of Micheal Martin.  Cowen, Hanafin, coughlan, Mad Cow Harney, Gormless, Ryan and all their fucking colleagues are no more, and may they rot.

With a bit of luck, neither Fianna Fail nor the Greens will ever recover.  They have been roundly hammered for their incompetence and their treachery.  As I write, Fine Gael and Labour have 100 seats between them.  Fianna Fail have 17 and the Greens have none, which gives an idea of the devastation.

I don’t care about Fine Gael or Labour manifestos.  They would be very hard pressed to top the efforts of the outgoing lot for sheer stupidity and incompetence, so things have to improve.

Yes.  Truly a good day for Ireland.

There is however one big problem.

Who the fuck am I going to rant about now?

I was watching a news programme as they did a final wind up of the general election as today is Moratorium Day, and tomorrow is the election itself.

The Great Unwashed were being asked about their opinions of the parties on offer and the general consensus was that Fianna Fail are going to get a hammering.  This disappointed me a little, I must confess.  I don’t want Fianna Fail to get a hammering.  I want them to be totally obliterated off the political landscape.  Neither Fianna Fail nor the Greens deserve a single vote, and I would go so far as to say that a vote for either is an act of treason.

They interviewed one woman.   She dithered and doddered and said she really wasn’t so sure about Labour or Fine Gael.  The then perked up and said that Micheal Martin had a nice face so she will probably vote Fianna Fail.

So there you have it.  A micro-encapsulation of all that is wrong with Ireland today.  A fucking dimwit who is going to vote for the party that bankrupt our country and sold us out to the EU, and she is going to do so because Micheal Martin ‘has a nice face’.

Words really do fail me.  Have they learned nothing over the past two years?  Have they really believed the lies and obfuscation of the traitors who destroyed our country?  That woman and her ilk are just as responsible for our catastrophic situation as the politicians themselves.

I don’t care if the alternatives are confusing.  I don’t care if the alternatives aren’t much better.  The fact is that they are alternatives, and they cannot be as bad as the incumbents.  And if people can’t bring themselves to vote for an alternative government then they shouldn’t vote at all.

But voting for Fianna Fail because Micheal Martin ‘has a nice face’?

God give me fucking strength.

There was a simple reason for this – I had fuck all to say.

Life is very difficult at the moment, as it has an air of constant repetition: like a Groundhog Day gone mad.  Every day it’s the same old election shite on the news, and at this stage I am heartily sick of the fucking subject.  All we hear of is the parties bickering with each other.  In the schoolyard it is the cry of “my brother is bigger than your brother” and now on the television we get “my taxes are less that your taxes”.  The whole lot of them are just like snotty kids, each trying to prove that their gang is better than the others.

Incidentally, for those non-Irish reading this, I have a little nugget of information for you.  The New Cunt Michael Martin who took over from the Old Slobbering Cunt Cowen is none other that the arch fucker who introduced the smoking ban in Ireland, thereby starting the trend throughout Europe.  Next time you are outside you pub shivering in the cold and rain while you have a fag, you now know who you have to thank.  If anyone wants to assassinate him, then please feel free.  Drop me a line and I will help in any way I can.  

Because the election is soaking up every drop of news, and is even dominating life in the village, I find that the only thing I have to write about is the election, and what I want to do more than anything is to get away from the subject.  At this stage it is an almighty pain in the hole.  Why we can’t just be like Belgium and scrap the concept of a government, I don’t know.  The Belgians seem to get along fine and I imagine we would too.

This day next week it will all be over bar the counting, and life hopefully will return to normal. 

I may even have something interesting to write about.

Not one published it.

I wonder why?

-oOo-

Sir/Madam,

In light of the actions and activities of the Government and their banking buddies, many people are calling for investigations, resignations and punishments for those responsible for the mess we find ourselves in. These calls appear to be rebuffed or just ignored by those in authority. They continue to attack the poor while still looking after themselves and their friends. Short of a bloody revolution, it’s hard to see anything changing soon.

It’s also hard to understand their lack of remorse, their refusal to account for it all and take responsibility, and worst of all, to see them strut around like peacocks, bloated by their own self importance. Then I discovered what a “sociopath” is.

A sociopath will normally have a conventional appearance, so they do not stand out visually. But then the definition becomes interesting. They are glib and superficial, are manipulative and conning, have a grandiose sense of self, are pathological liars, they lack remorse, shame and guilt and they suffer from shallow emotions. But it gets better. They are callous and lack empathy, they are irresponsible and unreliable, they lead a parasitic lifestyle, they do not perceive that there is anything wrong with them, they are secretive, paranoid and authoritarian and they have an over riding need to find victims. They have an emotional need to justify their disgraceful deeds so they actually need the victim’s affirmation, respect, gratitude and love. How sick is all that ?  Does any of it ring any bells for you ? Are they alarm bells by any chance?

The first 166 names you come up with will probably be the same as mine. It would be an ironic laugh if it wasn’t for the fact that sociopathy is a mental illness that needs treatment. You would not let sociopaths take control of their own cars, much less a bank or a country. Perhaps instead of calling for convictions and imprisonment for our betters, we might show them a little sympathy and instead have them all consigned to a mental home, for their own good and ours,

Yours etc

That rubbish falls into two camps – the shite that is thrown through my letterbox and the shite they stick up on poles everywhere.

For some reason we seem to be a two party constituency at the moment.  Fine Gael have cornered the market when it comes to plastering the poles with their fucking placards, and Labour are doing their damndest to fill up my porch with their shite.

I would dearly love to know if ever in the history of this country, someone has voted for a candidate because of a fucking poster.  I have never heard of our Fine Gael candidate.  His face is plastered everywhere, and despite their best efforts, I still couldn’t tell you his name.  I will say one thing for him though – he is the ugliest bastard I have seen in a long time.  He has a face that not even a mother could love.  I have commandeered one of his posters and have stuck it in the field, facing away from the house, of course.  It makes an excellent scarecrow.

As for the rubbish that comes through the door… Why the fuck to they have to send the same thing to everyone in the house?  Three lots of shit instead of one.  [I registered Sandy as a voter some years ago.]  Again I couldn’t tell you who my Labour candidates are despite having about nine cards posted to me.  They just go straight in the bin.

On a point of principle, I do intend to memorise every candidate who comes through my letterbox or defaces my lampposts.  I want to know who not to vote for. 

If any candidate calls to my door, they are going to get an earful about despoiling my countryside.

Except of course for Fianna Fail and the Greens.

I have a very special welcome lined up for them.

Unfortunately it looks like we are getting another one.

Going by the opinion polls, the two biggest parties in the next Dail are going to be Fine Gael and Labour, with Fine Gael in the dominant position.  The new Taoiseach is therefore going to be Dame Enda Average.

What the fuck is it with Dame Enda?

Here is a bloke who the general public don’t particularly like and who is even distrusted by a lot of his own party, yet he persists in the notion of being Taoiseach.

Personally I don’t like him.  He may be a thousand times better than the old cunt who is leaving but that is a reflection on the old cunt and not on Dame Enda.

Sometime last year, Vincent Browne made the comment that Dame Enda should take a bottle of whiskey and a gun into a darkened room.  Browne apologised for it afterwards and that normally would be the end of the matter.  Not so for our Dame Enda.  He is still simmering like a fucking primadonna over the episode and is now throwing a hissy fit and stamping his little foot about it.  He is refusing categorically to appear on any television show that has any connection with Vincent Browns.  What the fuck?  That is the kind of carry-on I would expect from a child, and definitely not one I would expect from the future leader of our Gubmint.

Dame Enda should get out of the fucking driving seat.  He is totally unfit for purpose, and should stand aside for someone else.  If he gets into a strop over a joke [albeit a very bad one] on television, whet the hell is he going to be like when dealing with that shower of fuckwads in Brussels.  He will probably burst into tears the first time anyone looks crosswise at him.

Herself likes him.

She says he has a nice smile.

*sigh*

The election campaigns are already in full swing, and so far I am thoroughly underwhelmed.

So far, all I have heard is the usual petty point-scoring and bickering,  each party trying to outdo the other by catching them out on trifling matters and essentially just confusing people.

They have all missed the point.

They think we wanted the old crowd out and a new crowd in.  Wrong.  We wanted the old crowd out of course, and the quicker the better, but we don’t want to replace them with a bunch of different faces spewing out the same tired old policies that have destroyed the country.  I have lost count of the number of times I have heard that  what we want is a different system, not just a different party.

The old system is corrupt, expensive and it doesn’t work.  Representatives that are elected on parish pump issues are by definition not the right people to run the country.  They may be good at getting pot-holes in the road filled, or fixing peoples driving test problems, but that does not qualify them to negotiate far reaching financial policies with foreign banks, or understand all the petty regulations which are foisted on us by Europe.

It is my contention that the system will never work all the time we elect people on local issues who then have to deal with national issues.  By all means, elect people on local issues, but let those elections be for local councils and not the national parliament.  National elections should be on national issues only, and furthermore should be based on an all-Ireland constituency.  If I like the policies of Joe Rasher from Galway, I should be allowed vote for him and not the plonker who is standing in my area.  Furthermore, this system would allow for far fewer TDs.  Why do we elect 166, who spend their time not turning up, when a handful would do?  Essentially the government in power only needs say two people for each ministry.  The rest are superfluous and damned expensive.

The way we are going now is just going to lead to a repetition of the old problems – TDs who see the Dail as a cosy honey pot where protection of their own salaries and pensions is more important than the protection of the country.

That may sound cynical but I have been watching Irish politics for too long.

Click to embiggen

The only good thing about them is that we will hopefully see the last of those fucking election posters.  I am pissed off from endlessly seeing the same faces every time I go out.  Is it a prerequisite that you have to be an ugly fucker before you can stand for election?  That certainly seems to be the case in my area.

Of course I voted.  Several times.

Then I had to move to a different polling station because they were getting suspicious.  They must have been using Twitter or something because that place got suspicious too.  That is a terrible shame as I still have dozens of polling cards left over.

I take my civic responsibilities very seriously and believe in casting my vote.  I know the dead of my parish [and several other parishes] hold the same views and that is why I vote on their behalf.

Just because you are dead, doesn’t mean you don’t still have rights?

I just nipped home for a quick mug of tea and a piss, and I’m off again shortly.  I have a busy afternoon ahead of me.

Myself and the lads are going to do the rounds of the stations again.  This time we will be having a little distraction from our normal sport.

• Fianna Fáil Candidate – 200 points.
• Green Candidate – 300 points [rarity value].
• Pro government voter – 40 points.
• Any child wearing a FF or Green sticker – 60 points [smaller target].
• Pro-government Independent Candidate – 250 points.

I’m hoping for the County Trophy, so it is going to be a long day.

Wish me luck.

And does anybody want a couple of dozen polling cards?