Grandad April 29th, 2007
It has been the warmest April on record.
It has been the sunniest April on record.
It has been the driest April on record.
What’s the betting that Fianna Fáil are going to take credit for this somewhere in their election campaign?
Grandad April 4th, 2007
Dick Roche has seen the light.
Well, actually, he’s seen the lightbulb. And in one fell swoop he has solved our Global Warming problem.
Who would have thought it? Light bulbs are the cause, all along! All we have to do is switch to CFLs, and the world is safe.
This is great news, because it means Minister Roche can now carry on driving around in his Mercedes or whatever fuel-inefficient car he drives. He can carry on flying to his expensive junkets around the world at our expense.
The government is talking about forcing the switch by putting a levy on ordinary lightbulbs. The fact that they will make extra cash has nothing to do with it. It is strange though that he isn’t introducing a subsidy on CFLs to make them cheaper?
It doesn’t bother me anyway, because I have been using CFLs for years. It’s nothing to do with Global Warming. They don’t blow as often and my ESB bills are very slightly lower.
What does piss me off is that he is talking about higher taxation on bigger cars. Now, I have nothing against that in principle. In principle, that is a great idea. But in practice, it means he is going to put all car tax up. Now if he said he was going to reduce tax on smaller cars and raise it on bigger ones, that would be a different matter. But he won’t.
I have a small[ish] car, but doubtless I would come out worse off. I need that car for health reasons. I would say I do about 2000 miles a year, and most of that is holiday driving, so I’m not exactly killing the ozone layer. But a higher tax will mean I will pay anyway.
If he wanted to be fair and equitable, why not reduce taxation on cars and slam it on petrol instead?
Suppose for some reason of eccentricity, I wanted to buy myself an SUV and just stick it in the front garden as a status symbol? It wouldn’t damage the environment. But I would pay the same extra taxation as some bloke who drives his SUV all day and every day and does about 100,000 miles a year. Now, if the taxation were on petrol…….?
I have known for years about the energy efficiency of CFLs and so have you. We also have known for years that bigger cars are worse for the environment [and just about everything else]. So why is Roche coming up with these plans now? Why didn’t he do it 10 years ago?
Could it be something to do with an election?
Am I being a cynic again?
Grandad April 1st, 2007
Today is traditionally the day for fooling people.
I’m not going to descend to that.
Instead I am dedicating the day to fools. In no particular order.
Endica Kennicus
This is a very shy breed, and is not often seen. It only appears during conventions. It is at its quietest when StStStammerium Ahernium [see below] is at its weakest. Very little is known about this breed.
StStStammerium Ahernium
This creature is characterised by its cry. The latter consists of syllables repeated many times in an incoherent fashion. It can be recognised at a distance by its massive ego. It is generally recognised as being the least intelligent of the species we are examining today. If it gets into trouble, it can be seen crying on public television. People are cautioned about approaching it, as it can get vicious.
Patrcious Cuniculus
This is generally recognised as being quite intelligent, but is again a very rare species. It is usually found sleeping in the Dáil or taking the piss out of StStStammerium Ahernium. It too is at its quietest when StStStammerium Ahernium is making a fool of itself.
New species [unclassified]
This is a new species and is unclassified at this stage. It is generally referred to as ‘Trevor’ or ‘that eejit who wants us all to use buses’. It can be recognised by its green plumage. This new species generally shows a high level of intelligence, but it consistently allows its ideas to be stolen by others or ignored. It is thought to be a migratory species from the plant Zorg.
Mickus Mcdoweleria
A very loud species. It is characterised by getting itself into messes and generally making things worse when it tries to fix anything. It pretends to compete with StStStammerium Ahernium, but the facts show otherwise. Again it can be quite vicious when approached, and should be treated with great caution.
Grandad March 27th, 2007
I fired my opening salvo in the election campaign yesterday.
Most commenters suggested I run for the election myself. I suspect that was tounge-in-cheek [or I hope it was]. Except for MacDara who seems to be taking the line of ‘piss or get off the pot’.
Well, MacDara, I would only there are a few obstacles.
Firstly, I don’t have the health or the finances.
Secondly, I don’t consider myself qualified to run.
Which brings me to an interesting point. What are the qualifications to be a candidate? Let’s take an example.
Yesterday, it was announced that Frank McNamara is to run for the PDs. Now most of you will probably never have heard of Frank McNamara so here is what I gleaned from memory and from the radio yesterday, when he was interviewed.
So why did Harney ask him to run? Was it because of his refreshing political ideas? Obviously not. Or was it because he was a reasonably well known name, and probably a friend of Harney? Much more likely.
So here we have a candidate who is blatantly unsuitable for the job. And by the laws of logic he should get about 20 votes - I will allow that number for friends and family. But he will get a lot more. Why? Because people know his name. Because he’s a nice lad. Because the PDs tell them to. Because his face will be splashed over a thousand lampposts. But no-one will be voting for his policies, because he doesn’t have any. Presumably, before the election, he will be told what his policies are by Harney?
If ever there was an example of how the current set-up is a farce, then this is it.
I wrote a while ago about how I had a new idea for the electoral system. That was, as they say, half joking; half in earnest. for the first time in the history of mankind we have access to instant computing power throughout the land. There is no longer a necessity to elect one person to represent us. We can represent ourselves. In the coming election, candidates will be elected because they have promised to get a voter housed, or because they promise to fix the pot-holes in the road. For all the votor knows [or cares] that candidate may have disastrous policies on health care or foreign policy.
Once a candidate is elected, they have free reign to do and say what they like, for the term of the government. The Electorate [us] have no say whatsoever. The chances are, they won’t even fulfill the promises made on the doorstep.
The new system would take years, even decades of planning. But it could work. We could have a system where each and every individual could have their say on each and every matter.
We would, for the first time have government for the people, by the people.
Grandad March 26th, 2007
So the great auction is hotting up.
The political parties are already trying to outbid each other and the election hasn’t even been called yet.
The present government has been in power for ten years now. During that time, our country has been under the influence of a lot of external factors. The Global Economy has been doing well, so of course our government has been taking credit for that. Interest rates are still relatively low thanks to the European Bank. Our government is blowing about that. Fuel prices took an enormous hike, but of course our government said that that was outside their control.
So if things in the world are going well, our government pats itself on the back and says look how well we are doing. If things aren’t going well, the government says there is nothing it can do.
On the domestic front, things are in pretty poor shape. This government has had ten years of the highest prosperity this country has ever known. The coffers are awash. They have billions to spare. We are one of the fastest growing economies in the EU. So why are we in a mess? The government promised us all sorts of things ten years ago, and again at the last election. They were hollow promises.
They now say they are going to reduce taxes. They have been saying that for the last ten years. They are going to sort out the health service. They haven’t sorted it in ten years, so why should anything be different now? They are going to introduce a couple of thousand more Gardai. They had ten years to do that.
Why are they promising to sort out things now? They had ten years and failed abysmally.
They have squandered millions in useless enterprises. Punchestown, the Bertie Bowl, Electronic Voting, Tribunals, the list goes on and on. They revel in corruption. We have heard all about the backhanders and the brown envelopes. We have seen our Taoiseach crying on television for God’s sake. How pathetic was that? This is the same Taoiseach who said he had appointed people to top positions, not because they had paid him [which they had] but because they were friends of his.
And what about the so called opposition? They have been ghosts for the last ten years. We have heard little or nothing from them, or about them.
Over the next months, the opposition parties will be shouting about how they have the answers to all the problems. But all they are doing is providing their own little tweaks to situations that will have much the same [i.e. no] effect.
What we need are radical thinkers. What we need are new ideas.
There is no point is throwing billions into a health service that patently doesn’t work. What we need is for someone to come in and dismantle it entirely and start from scratch. We have the hospitals, the specialists, the nurses. Just overhaul the massive bureaucracy that is wasting the money.
With regard to crime, I would suggest they stop f*cking around with new laws. We seem to have a new law each week. All we have to do is enforce the existing laws. And examine the root causes of crime, not the crime itself.
We have a housing crisis that is mainly outside government control. Property owners are going to cash in so prices are going to rise. But there are things the government could do. As a small example, why not apply stamp duty to the vendor and not the purchaser? It is the vendor who is making the profit and it might make them think about the price they are setting.
Sadly, the people of this country are going to do what they always do. They are going to be bought by the petty auctioneering. Or they are going to vote for someone because “he’s a grand lad” [probably because he shook them by the hand at a funeral]. Or they are going to vote for a party because it is a family tradition.
We are going to end up with the same people who sit in the Dáil doing their crosswords while people die for want of healthcare. The same people who are going to swan off on junkets while schools have to put up with rat infested damp buildings. The same people who are going to claim massive salaries, allowances and pensions while autistic children have to go abroad for a chance of any sort of education.
What we really need now are the likes of Jack Lynch and Garrett Fitzgerald - people of integrity and with no history of scandal and corruption
Who will I vote for? I don’t know. I will examine the individual’s policies and will probably end up voting for the Independents. I have lost faith in all the major parties.
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