Archive for the 'Holidays' Category

Day two

Grandad January 24th, 2008

You are doing really well.

This is your second day without a fix from Head Rambles.

By now you should be noticing the side effects?

You should be sleeping better?  Don’t you find that your sense of taste has returned?  You should find yourself taking more of an interest in books and newspapers.  They are a good substitute. Unless of course, they are written by John Waters.

I hope the cigarettes, alcohol and heroin are helping.  I know it’s tough, but you must persevere.

Day one

Grandad January 23rd, 2008

OK.  So this is your first day without a blog from Head Rambles.

How are you feeling?

You should be OK, because it’s only one day. 

Maybe you are feeling elated, because you think you’ve kicked the habit?  But don’t get too elated.  There are rough times ahead.  I would suggest that at this stage, you should take your first twenty cigarettes, and your first bottle of whiskey.  Later this afternoon you can take your first heroin fix.  That lot will really help with the withdrawals.

You are doing well. 

Keep it up.

Blogging addiction and withdrawals

Grandad January 22nd, 2008

Life has taken an unfortunate turn.

I have to go away for a while.

I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone.  The judge Someone said four years, but there is such a thing as remission.  There is also such a thing as deviousness and corruption.  So I may be back a lot sooner than you think.

If any of you feel like starting a campaign to “Free the Head Rambles One” then don’t let me stop you.  Personally I have faith in my barrister ‘Slasher’ Moorhouse.  Also that photograph I have of the Minister for Justice might come in handy - the one where he is in a very compromising position with a goat.

The problem is that I won’t be blogging, as far as I know.  So for the first time since 2006, you’ll have to do without your daily dose of Head Rambles.

A couple of times in the past, I have had complaints that I have been late in posting.  Apparently, I have inadvertently trained you, like Pavlov’s Dogs to drool around mid morning, as you sit waiting for my post to appear.  I’m sorry about that.  You should have more sense.

So now you are going to have to go cold turkey.  You should be used to that after Christmas?

I know some of you will suffer from withdrawal symptoms.  I can’t help that.  I would suggest you take up smoking or alcohol instead.  I believe heroin is quite a good substitute.

It will be interesting to see………

I’ve been tagged again

Grandad November 11th, 2007

Our K8 has come up with a new meme.

And, bless her little cotton socks, she has passed it on to me.

She wants me to write a post that uses every tag. It’s all very well for her - she only has a few. I have loads. The cow!

Now I may be getting old but I find these difficult. I had a hard days blogging yesterday, as I had a good rant on a podcast to America. That was after I did my post on Cully and Sully.

So today I went for a ramble around the garden, trying to think of a topic. No go. There was no inspiration around the house either, and I’m damned if I’m going around the village or around the town for something so trivial.

Back in the 70’s life was a lot simpler. There were no computers or Internet, or even television so there were no memes. I had no irritating daughter in the family either. We found our pleasures in simple things. I remember learning to drive so we could go on holidays touring in the West, with no worries about flying and Global Warming. We had such simple sports as children in times past, like watching spiders spin their webs, and the designs they’d make. We’d go for rambles through the woods and have picnics of tea and spam sandwiches. We were a lot healthier for it.

Nowadays, work is the new religion and people have lost the use of their imagination. People only get worked up over celebrities and smoking out corrupt politicians. They panic over property prices and have lost sight of the soul of life.

No.

I can’t think of anything.

I elect not to do it.

I’m going to file this under Uncatagorised.

Maybe Sixty should have a bash at this?

Or how about Kirk at Just Thinkin’? I haven’t tagged him before.

And it’s a while since I annoyed Grannymar!!

tag-award

F*cking memes….

How to get rid of a wasps nest

Grandad October 1st, 2007

For some strange reason a lot of people visit my site because they are trying to get rid of wasps.

I’m not really an expert on this subject.

The only wasps nest I ever got rid of was in the neighbours eaves. That was simple. Though I did overdo the petrol a bit, and they are still rebuilding the house. The wasps are gone though.

Last year, I had a great holiday in France. We stayed in a wee gîte in the middle of nowhere in the Lot region. It was beautiful there. The scenery was fantastic, and the weather was almost too hot. There was a patio out the back, where we used to sit until well after dark.

The only problem we had there was wasps. They were f*cking HUGE. I’m talking about the 747s of the wasp world here. There was a fig tree by the patio and they loved that, so there were always plenty around.

I got myself a fly swatter or two, and I practised my John McEnroe serve. I became damn good at it. I’d wait until one was flying over me and then do my serve. If I missed, then they ignored me, but if I hit then there would be a lovely crisp smack and another wasp would head to Hornet Heaven.

My ace was to hit one good and square. He’d go sailing across the lane into the long grass the other side, whereupon there would be an explosion of startled crickets. Quite a spectacular site!

By the end of the holiday, I was ready to sign up for Wimbledon.

I only ever found one ordinary wasp there. I killed him of course. I took a photograph, just to prove it wasn’t all in my mind.


RIP

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be

Grandad June 23rd, 2007

So what kind of holiday did I have?

A quiet one.

It was a very nice hotel. For some strange reason it was full of people from Norn Iron [for you foreigners, that's Northern Ireland, but that's the way they pronounce it and who am I to argue?]. Maybe they were all trying to escape their new smoking ban? We were all of a respectable age. There were a few children in their thirties, but they behaved themselves.

On the first night, when the locals had been thrown out, about thirty of us got a little merry and started on about the Good Old Days. Someone put some Beatles on the CD player and someone else brought out a huge stash of Mary Jane and soon the entire pub was awash with nostalgia and the smell of pot.

Do you honestly think that we older folk spend our time moaning about arthritis and pretending we can’t hear anything? That’s just an act to get you younger folk to run around and fetch and carry for us. We know how to enjoy ourselves once you are in bed.

I think it was Megan from Belfast who was the first to get carried away, in the middle of Strawberry Fields. Off came the clothes and the next thing we were celebrating the Sixties in style. Anyone who wasn’t p*ss*d was high. And anyone who wasn’t high was p*ss*d. and a few of us were both.

The following morning was a bit confusing, as quite a few woke up in strange bedrooms and had trouble finding the breakfast room. No one minded because we all put it down to failing memory [hah!].

As the young people were around again, we had to revert to the walking sticks, and the limps and the hard-of-hearing act, but we didn’t mind. We had the evening to look forward to again.

You young people haven’t a clue how to enjoy yourselves.

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