Head Rambles

Grandad June 3rd, 2008

My browser of choice is Minefield.

For those of you who haven’t heard of it, it is the new Firefox 3 which is still in development.  It is brilliant.  It has all sorts of nice little features, but the nicest thing about it is its graphics rendering.  It is so much clearer and makes the worst of sites look better.

It is also fully compliant on web standards.

And that is its downfall.

Because there are a lot of sites out there that it can’t read because they aren’t compliant.

Last night I decided to book the ferry to France.  I had booked the holiday a while ago, so I thought it might be a good idea to be able to get there.

But first I had to do some tweaking to my bank account.

I connected to my bank, and up comes a firm but polite screen - “The Internet browser you are using is not supported“.  They then go on to tell me I should be using Internet Explorer [*spit*] or Firefox.  But I am using Firefox!

Luckily, I have a copy of Firefox 2 in my back pocket for such emergencies, so I fire it up and do my banking.

I switch back to Minefield and hook into the ferry site.

They have just redesigned their site at great expense and are very proud of it.

I have an account with them, but I want to use a different credit card.  Lou Kradner of San Francisco is paying for this jolly.  So I go to modify my account.

I click on the ‘Modify Account’ button, and it brings me to the Bookings page, which I don’t want.  I click on the ‘Bookings’ button, and that brings me to the previous page.

I eventually discover how to delete my card, which is good enough, and proceed with the booking.

I select my sailing dates and go through the process of booking cabins.  I am asked for my credit card details and I give them Lou Kradner’s.  Everything is fine.  I click on “Confirm Booking”.  Nothing happens.  Bollix!!

There is a little button on Minefield that normally glows green.  It was glowing red, so I clicked on it - errors all over the place!  It was no wonder it didn’t work.

There was nothing for it but to go back to Firefox 2.

That brought me through the whole process again, but this time it was looking for a lot more detail.  It was like a different site.  But this time all the buttons did what they were supposed to do.  I booked my sailings.  I can even tell you I am in cabin 6229 going over, and 9321 on the way back.

I was about to log off, when I noticed a survey about their new web site, and they are offering a free trip to a winner.  So I did the survey.

In the comments section at the bottom of the survey I told them that their brand new web site was a load of crap.  I told them why.  I told them that I hoped they had updated their ferries beyond the sailing days, because their web site certainly wasn’t up to date.  I told them their website was a load of shite and they should get a decent designer to redo the whole fucking thing.

I don’t think I’ll win that free trip.

• Holidays , Internet , Rants
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Grandad April 18th, 2008

We are planning a wee break in France this year. 

We went a couple of years ago, and had some interesting experiences over there, but unfortunately, I didn’t start this site until after we got back.

Thinking about the holiday to come, has brought back memories of the last one……..

We planned to stop off for a night in Angers, so I researched the Interweb and found us a lovely hotel.  It had good ratings and a good price so I booked it in advance.

We arrived there at half three.

It was locked and deserted.

It was quite hot and sunny, so we sat out in the front, because we couldn’t be bothered to do anything else.

At four, a scruffy bloke arrived, gave us a dirty look and went into the hotel.

I followed him in and he snarled at me.  I was delighted to see a big sign on the counter saying that they spoke all languages, but obviously Scruffy hadn’t read it. 

I told him [in English] that there was a reservation for Granny and Grandad, and he looked at me blankly.  I tried French.  He looked at me blankly.  I grabbed the computer and pointed to my name on the screen.  He didn’t like that, but he grudgingly gave us a key.

I asked him about dinner.  He looked at me blankly.  I pointed to the dining room where the tables were all set.  “Fermé” says he.  I threatened him and he grudgingly told me there was a restaurant two hundred meters down the road.

We eventually found the restaurant [it was over a kilometre away] and had a very nice meal.  We returned to the hotel.

It was dark by then so we settled ourselves in the residents lounge to read.

At half eight, Scruffy reappeared.  “Fermé” says he.  We looked at him.  How could a hotel be closed at half past fucking eight?  There were two other [French] residents there too and they looked a bit puzzled, so I knew it wasn’t just me.

But Scruffy was not to be outdone.  He locked all the doors and switched off the lights, plunging us into darkness, so the four of us groped our way up to our rooms.

The following morning, we went down to see if there was any breakfast.

The dining room was open all right, but we couldn’t get in - it was packed!  There wasn’t a spare table.  The car park outside was jammed solid with coaches.  Where the fuck did they all come from??

We had pre-booked a night there on our return journey.

I cancelled it.

• Holidays
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Grandad March 12th, 2008

I love France.

It’s clean and efficient.  The people are friendly [once you tell them you're Irish, not British] and it’s warm.

Our first trip was in 1982, when we packed a three year old child and luggage for three weeks into the back of an old Ford Fiesta and drove to St. Jean de Luz on the Spanish border.

Brilliant!

The next time was a trip to the Dordogne in 1990.

Fantastic!

We went again two years ago.  We had now lost the extra load of a third party in the car, so the two of us headed down to the Lot region.

Incredible!

That last one was such a fantastic holiday, we decided to head over there again this year.  We’re really looking forward to it.  It is partially booked.  I have paid the deposit on the gîte we’ll be staying in but haven’t booked the ferry yet, or the accommodation on the way down or back.  We like to break the journey and turn a two week holiday into a three week one.

So now I need a few sheckles to pay for all of this. 

I have become very adept at writing invoices.  They are so easy to write.  I spent yesterday writing them.

And then I email them off to businesses around the country.  It’s brilliant.  It’s so easy.  And then these nice businesses send me money in return.  Well, most of them do.

I’m going to do another batch today, and with a bit of luck, by the end of the week, I’ll have enough to pay for the holiday and have a load over for spending money.

Vive l’Internet

• Holidays
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Grandad January 25th, 2008

I’m back.

My sincere apologies for my absence.

Due to circumstances beyond my control, I had to leave the country.  It was all basically a mistake, involving the CIA, MI5, MI6, The ICA and the GAA.

Someone spread a rumour that I was Osama bin Laden.  I don’t know where they got that idea from.  I told them that I couldn’t be, because I wasn’t a Muslim [AllÄ?hu Akbar].  They accepted that quite happily, but then decided I was Harold Shipman.  It was around that time that I had to go on the run.

Do I look like this?

It took a team of barristers and a chimpanzee to convince them that I couldn’t be Harold Shipman either, because he was dead.

It was a rough time.  I did manage to connect to the Interweb for a couple of short moments, but all I got was abuse from you lot, so I didn’t bother again.

Some of you might have been under the misapprehension that I had ceased blogging altogether.  I’m sorry about that, but I did have to leave in rather a hurry.  Some of you have suggested that it was all a ploy [I'm not sure what the objective would have been?].  Whatever the case, I’m back and hope to resume normal service, whatever that is.

The great news for me is that by way of apology, the CIA, MI5, MI6, The ICA and the GAA have all given me an unconditional pardon for something that they thought I did, but unconditionally pardoned me for everything that they didn’t know I did, but in fact, had done.  There is apparently no time limit on this pardon.  So I’m a free agent.

It’s good to be back.

• Holidays , Rambles
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Grandad January 25th, 2008

Congratulations.

You have now reached your third day without a post from Head Rambles.

You should be feeling very proud of yourself.

By now, you must have noticed that you are eating better, and enjoying your food more.  You will have more energy.

Some of the more advanced of you will even find you are beginning to do some actual work in the office.  I know you never thought that that day would come!

Tonight, you should celebrate your success.  After your twenty cigarettes, you bottle of whiskey and your heroin fix, you should treat yourself.  Have some crack cocaine and some E’s.

Because you’re worth it.

• Holidays , Rambles
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Grandad January 24th, 2008

You are doing really well.

This is your second day without a fix from Head Rambles.

By now you should be noticing the side effects?

You should be sleeping better?  Don’t you find that your sense of taste has returned?  You should find yourself taking more of an interest in books and newspapers.  They are a good substitute. Unless of course, they are written by John Waters.

I hope the cigarettes, alcohol and heroin are helping.  I know it’s tough, but you must persevere.

• Holidays , Rambles
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