Archive for the 'Internet' Category

No shit Sherlock

January 26th, 2012

I am appealing to my Irish readers.

Well, that’s not strictly true as the vast majority of you are not living here [lucky sods], so most Irish don’t find me appealing.

Anyway, this is for the few who do live here.

You may have heard that one of our ministers [a little cunt by the name of Sherlock] is trying to implement a bill that will effectively hand over control of the Interweb to our gubmint and the music industry.  It is essentially the same as the American SOPA thing in that they can shut down a site if they don’t like its content. 

Seeing as our shower are just puppets for the EU, that means we hand over control to Brussels.  They claim that it’s to prevent copyright infringement, but knowing the EU, it will go much further than that.  Even this humble little site could be under threat as once or twice [*cough*] I have said a few things that could be construed to be anti-EU.

In a few days, they hope to implement this bill without even a vote [democracy at its best again?] so there ain’t much time.

The only way we can stop this is by lobbying. and that is very simple.

Get your arses over to Stop SOPA Ireland and sign the petition.

It has occurred to me that they can’t tell the nationality of the signature if the email address is a .com but of course I would never ask all you non-Irish .coms to sign now, would I? [*cough cough*]

So do you want the likes of EMI to dictate what sites we visit?  Do you trust our gubmint?  Do you trust the EU?

If the answer to any of those is no, then sign the damned thing.

If the answer to any of those is yes, then you are nothing short of a fucking moron.

So just sign the fucking thing.

OK?

Or would you like to see me wiped off the airwaves?

My password isn’t password

January 21st, 2012

Dear Hackers,

A lot of you seem to be very keen to log into this site so you can write your own stuff.

Some of you try several times until you get locked out.  You wait until the lockout expires and then you try several more times.  Some of you have tried so many times that I think you may have an obsessional complex.  Yes.  I keep track of these things.

I could make life a little easier for you by telling you that I don’t log into this site using “admin” or “Grandad”, as I have deleted those accounts but why should I make life easier for you?

I could tell you that my password isn’t “password”, “Gandalf”, “Sandy” or “admin” but again, you’re on your own.

What I can tell you is that my password is a bitch to remember.  In fact I keep forgetting it, and if it wasn’t written on a certain part of my anatomy, nothing would ever get done here.

So if you are really that desperate to write stuff on the Interweb, I would suggest that you start your own site and fuck off out of mine.

Yours etc,

Grandad

The invasion of Netflix

January 13th, 2012

A few times in the past week I have heard mention of Netflix.

Some people seem to think this is a Good Thing so I decided yesterday to have a look at them.  I just wanted to see what the fuss was about.

I typed the name into the browser and it came up with a company that makes clips to fix a net to a goalpost.  I pondered this for a moment and decided something was wrong.  I was right.  I had misspelled their name.

I got into the site and had a look around.

OK, so it’s another variation on the video shop theme.  I have had membership of a video shop in the past, and have also been a member of one of those places that sends you your DVD of choice through the post.

I had a poke around the offerings of this latest crowd and as I suspected, it’s a load of crap.  I’m not blaming the company, but there just aren’t many decent films out there.  There are some, but I have either seen them or I can live without them.  There wasn’t a single offering in Netflix that I wanted to see.

Then I noticed something strange.

netflix

That white square on their front page is trying to entice me to sign up.  And the strange thing is that it lists four of my Facebook contacts.  I thought that this must be just a remarkable coincidence that they should happen to pick four people that I know.

I reloaded the page.  The four “friends” changed all right but I still knew them all.  Each time I loaded the page it threw up people I know.

I have a very simple question at this point.

To list my Facebook “friends” they must know who I am.

How?

How the fuck do they know that it’s me looking at their site?  I never gave them my name, address or anything.  I just typed their address into the browser without giving any hint as to who I am.  I didn’t follow a link that might have all those strings of letters that let the site know my identity.

I can only come up with one answer and that is that somewhere I have one of those “cookie” yokes belonging to Facebook sitting on my puter, and somehow Netflix have managed to read it, which I thought wasn’t possible.

One way or another, I find it rather creepy.

And no.  I won’t be joining.

Unsocial networking

January 5th, 2012

There are times when “social networking” really pisses me off.

It was bad enough when there was just Facebook and Twitter.  Now there is a clatter of other wannabe Facebooks around trying to cash in.  Frankly I can’t see the point in this as presumably anyone who wants to live their lives in the full public gaze have already joined Facebook.

One of those sites is a thing called Badoo.

I started getting mails from Badoo a few days ago and I have been receiving them at the rate of several a day since then.  Apparently someone left a message for in in there, and the site started sending me emails telling me to log in.  Now I don’t remember ever hearing about the site before, but presumably in a moment of weakness and curiosity I must have joined it.  As I don’t remember joining, there is fat chance of my remembering the password so I asked for a new on.  This of course led to six or seven mails all telling me that someone is trying to hack my account and at the same time welcoming me to Badoo.

Having changed my password I entered the site.  The first thing I see is that apparently a whole bunch of people are only dying to see my photograph and could I paste one up immediately.  The can fuck off with that one.  Anyone who wants a photograph of me will have to join the queue and pay for it through the normal channels.

I am also told that there is a gaggle of wimmin who live in my area who are dying to meet me.  Seeing as I gave my address as Dublin, they will have to remain frustrated.  And do I want to meet someone who is so fucking desperate that they will pine to go out with me just because they have my name?  I know I am legendary but that’s pushing it a bit.

Now that I have a password I also have The Power.  Yup, I can now control every aspect of my account.  There was one item I wanted so I searched through all the pages and eventually I found it….

The Delete Account button.

*Click*

All those wimmin will have to find someone else to pine over.

Heh!

Pornographic videos

November 10th, 2011

They say the Interweb is your friend.

If you have a query about any subject on earth, that you will find the answer on the Interweb.

Not so.

I mentioned before how our dog has developed a rather unsavoury habit of plunging her head down between her hind legs and then making a loud series of gulping sloshing noises.  To say it is a tad nauseating is to put it politely, particularly as she loves doing it at mealtimes.

Last night I thought I would try to find a solution to this little problem so I did a little search on Google.

I used the words “dog licking”.

All I got was a massive list of sites telling me all I wanted to know about dogs licking their paws.

Not much use.

I decided to be a little more specific. 

I tried “dog licking fanny”.

For some reason, presumably only known to Google, it assumed I wanted “dog licking pussy”.

……

……

FUCK!!!!

That is fucking DISGUSTING!

I didn’t know that kind of thing was allowed on the Interweb.

I really feel quite ill.

I suppose I’ll just have to bring her to the vet instead.

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