Archive for the 'Podcasting' Category

Clever editing on the radio

April 22nd, 2010

I know this may come as a surprise to some of you, but I don’t spend my days ranting about things.

When the sun is shining, and there is no rain to cause that irritating drip through the hole in the roof, I can be quite placid.  If the sunshine lasts more than a couple of days, I can even become quite magnanimous.

It was a little tricky therefore, when I got the call to do my little spot for the radio, and Shane expected me to rant and rail about the world, when I was actually feeling quite benevolent.  He chose the topic of bankers, which normally would be enough to send me off into a long rant, but the birds were singing, the sun was beaming in the windows and frankly I just couldn’t get the old bile going.  I didn’t give a flying fuck about the bankers, just at that moment, and provided they all rotted in hell then I had nothing much more to add.

In fairness to Shane, he did his best.  He pressed all the right buttons to bring up a head of steam, but the more he tried to rile me the more placid I became.  He managed to edit out the bit where I suggested setting up a charity foundation to support Boucher in his old age, and the bit where I suggested that Fitzpatrick should be given an extra couple of million to show the nation’s gratitude.  With some judicious button tweaking he actually managed to make me sound quite sarcastic and a little hostile.  He’s a clever lad, is our Shane.

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They have taken a little summer break for the next few weeks but will be back later.

No doubt, by then the weather will have broken, and we’ll be back to our usual miserable rain and cold.

With a bit of luck, I’ll be living back in The Dark Side?

Cooking Jamie Oliver on the radio

April 14th, 2010

I did another of my little guest spots on radio this morning.

Actually I did it yesterday, because I thought I would be asleep this morning, but I wasn’t and that’s a different story.

Yesterday was one of those days when a whole load of unexpected things happened along with all the things I expected to happen.  I suppose that’s what makes life interesting?  It’s the little surprises that add spice to life, as the captain of the Titanic was heard to remark.

Anyway, I was chatting away to Shane when a friend, whom I hadn’t seen in ages came hacking his way through the long grass of the lawn.  I had to somehow signal to him that I was on the phone and not to make any noise.  I don’t know what the sign language for “I’m doing a radio interview, so shut the fuck up” is but it seemed to have the desired effect.  Apparently Sandy doesn’t understand sign language though [apart from the meaning of a rolled up newspaper] and she proceeded to bark at my friend, and as a result, she has made her radio debut.

Shane wanted to talk about Jamie Oliver which was a bit awkward as I had already said all I had to say here.  I suppose there may have been one or two listeners who actually haven’t read this site, so I ran with it anyway.

For various technical reasons [i.e. I was asleep], I hadn’t heard the station before, only my contribution, but this morning was different.  I thought they announced the station as C103, and then realised to my horror that they were actually saying Zee 103!  It’s bad enough that American insist on eviscerating the language with their todally awesome misuse of words and their complete inability to spell, but when they can’t even pronounce the letters of the alphabet, it really fucks up my head.  How many times to I have to say that ‘Z’ is pronounced ‘zed’, not fucking ‘zee’?  I have a good mind to sue the radio station for mental trauma and illegal importation of corrupt pronunciation.

So here is my little contribution to ZED 103 this morning.

I hope you were listening, Cully?

And please give a warm welcome to Sandy who can be heard surgically removing my friend’s balls in the background.

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Legal paradoxes and radio sessions

March 30th, 2010

A few days ago, I was asked if I was interested in doing a little spot on a radio show.

I said fair enough.  It beats picking dead flies out of the custard.

Actually, I’m not that fond of interviews, because when I hear them repeated, all I can hear are the fluffs, the hesitations and the things I didn’t really mean to say.  I have done a few in the past, mainly about The Book.  Some were live by telephone, some were pre-recorded and one was live in studio.  Strangely enough, one of the better ones was the live in studio one where you would imagine that the intimidation of sitting surrounded by the usual apparatus would cause havoc, but Declan Meehan is a great interviewer and anyway I am quite used to radio studios having worked in and around them for many years.

I was sort of sleepy yesterday morning when Shane phoned.

“Right,” says he, “are you ready to roll?” or words to that effect.

“No” I thought.  “Yes” I said.

Shane is a damned good interviewer, because he doesn’t interview – he chats.  Also the fact that it was being pre-recorded meant that I could say what I liked, and could hesitate, or pepper the conversation with ‘ems’ and ‘ahs’.

It’s only a short piece, but even I learned something from it.

Did you know that it is illegal in this Godforsaken country not to be able to break the law?

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A very moving story

August 1st, 2009

I don’t know if anyone has noticed but there are major changes afoot.

I started moving this to its new server and there are a lot of issues.

My mail isn’t working.

There are all sorts of weird and wonderful errors creeping into the site.

Be patient.

I’m doing my best

Podcast my arse

January 25th, 2009

I was going to try a podcast this morning.

For some strange reason, a couple of you suggested that I should.

Frankly, I can’t really see the point.  Instead of reading me droning on, you hear me droning on.

I suppose there are advantages to podcasts, in that you can listen to what I have to say while you are driving, or making mad passionate love with your significant other [or even your insignificant other?].  But you can do that anyway, because all my posts are converted to audio anyway by those people in Odiogo.

On the other hand, I would have to moderate my language somewhat, as you could be listening in the office, or with the children playing in the background.  Visual stuff is grand, because you can always pretend it is something else, but when the sound blares out of the speakers, it tends to travel and everyone around gets the benefit of my fucking and blinding.

I did get as far as putting the microphone on and switching on the recorder.  I said my cheerful “Hello all.  This is a podcast” and then I went blank.  What the hell was I supposed to say?  Feck all has happened between yesterday and today, apart from raiding a couple of tobacconists across the County Border and having a quiet game of poker with Sandy last night.  [Never play poker with a dog – you can’t tell what they are thinking.]

So there I was, staring at the recording program as it quietly recorded nothing, except me breathing.  I suppose I could do a half hour of heavy breathing, but my probation officer has warned me about that, so I can’t.

Anyway, when I do a solo spot into a microphone, I tend to drone.  I sound like a footballer being interviewed, or at worst, I can nearly sound as bad as Harney [the Queen of the Depressed Drones]. 

The microphone has been packed away again.

If you want me to podcast, you are going to have to do some of the work.  You are going to have to suggest what I do, or what I talk about. 

If I could find some way of recording Skype, I could have a phone in.  That would be interesting?  But you’d all have to be around at a prearranged time, and I know from experience trying to do a podcast with America and Australia that that can be a pain in the hole, as everyone is in a different time zone.

So it’s back to the old keyboard…….

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